Monday, June 9, 2014

Humor in Uniform - SWEETIE

Humor in and out of Uniform

SWEETIE
An Apocryphal Story
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Disclaimer:
1. Please read this apocryphal story only if you have a sense of humor. This yarn is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2.  This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)


SWEETIE – An Apocryphal Story by Vikram Karve

“Have you seen Sweetie?” Colonel “P” asked me.

“No, Sir,” I said.

“I don’t know where she has gone. The Dean wants to meet her and I just can’t find her anywhere,” the Colonel said.

“Don’t worry, Sir – I’ll find her and bring her to you,” I said.

The Colonel returned to the senior officers’ group.

I started walking down to the boat jetty.

This happened almost 30 years ago, in the mid 1980’s, in a lovely place called IAT nestled in the hills of Girinagar near the city of Pune.

It was one of those Sunday morning get-togethers for officers and families at the Naval Bay on the banks of Khadakwasla lake.

It was a verdant and picturesque place, with shady trees, lush green lawns and abundance of flora alongside the cool blue waters of the lake – an ideal setting for a picnic on a bright winter morning.

“Hey, you guys, have you seen the Colonel’s daughter?” I asked some student officers who were walking up from the boat jetty.

“The Colonel’s daughter? Sir, I thought the D of S (Army) had two sons,” one of them said.

“No. No. Not the outgoing Colonel. I am talking of the newly arrived Colonel. He has a small daughter – must be around 3 years old – her name is Sweetie – I had seen her playing on the lawns up there – and now she is not there – and the Colonel is worried,” I said.

“Is she a 3 year old girl, Sir? I think she had gone for a boat ride. I saw Sub Lieutenant “X” getting into the boat with a small girl in his arms,” one of the officers said.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Yes, Sir, I am quite sure,” he said.

Then, another officer said, “Sir, I will get the binoculars from the boat shed, then we can see clearly.”

I looked through the binoculars.

The boat was moving slowly across the Khadakwasla lake.

I could clearly see Sweetie – she was sitting on the Sub Lieutenant’s lap and he was holding her tight.

I walked up to the lawns and reported to the Colonel, “Don’t worry, Sir, Sweetie is safe and sound.”

“But where is she?” he asked, looking anxious.

“She is enjoying a boat ride,” I said.

“She has gone for a boat ride? How is that possible? She does not know how to swim. And she is so scared of water. I wonder how she got into the boat?” the Colonel asked.

“Sir, Sub Lieutenant “X” picked her up in her arms…”

“A Sub Lieutenant picked her up in his arms?”

“Don’t worry, Sir, I myself checked up through the binoculars – Sweetie is sitting on the Sub Lieutenant’s lap and he is holding onto her tightly,” I said.

“What? Sweetie is sitting on a Sub Lieutenant’s lap?” the Colonel exclaimed, looking flabbergasted.

Then, as if in a daze, he broke off from the gathering, and we saw him running down towards the boat jetty.

“What’s wrong with him? Why is he so hyper?” someone asked.

“Maybe it is because he’s just got one daughter – Sweetie is his only child. And that too so late in life, he’s got a kid after the age of 40 – maybe that’s why he is so possessive and over protective,” I reasoned.

We sipped our beer.

A few moments later, we saw Commander “M” emerge from the woods with a ravishing beauty – I just could not take my eyes off her.

“Hello, Navy Boys – you have got a lovely place here – your Commander just took me for an exciting trek on the banks of the lake,” she said, looking quite flushed.

“Good morning, Ma’am,” we said.

“Oh, I forgot to introduce myself, or rather, your Commander forgot to introduce me,” she said.

The Commander looked embarrassed and started to speak.

But before he could say anything, the beautiful woman looked at me, proffered her hand and said, “My name is Sweetie.”

“Sweetie?” I exclaimed, looking shocked and dumbfounded.

“Why? You don’t like my name? Can’t my name be Sweetie? Am I not sweet?” she joked, flirtatiously.

“No, Ma’am. Yes, Ma’am…” I fumbled in embarrassment.

“Hey, please don’t call me, Ma’am, or Mrs “P”, or Mrs Colonel like someone once did,” she laughed vivaciously.

Then Sweetie looked into my eyes and she said to me, “you are my age – so just call me Sweetie.

I got her a drink. 

We talked. 

We sipped our drinks. 

Sweetie was really sweet and I enjoyed her company.

Suddenly, Sweetie looked beyond my shoulder, and then she said: “Ah, there comes my boring husband.”

I turned around and followed her gaze.

Colonel “P” was trudging up the slopes holding his 3 year old daughter in his arms.

As he approached, I could see that the Colonel was giving me quite a ferocious look.

So, I quickly excused myself from Sweetie and I left the scene before the arrival of her husband, the furious Colonel.

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
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© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)


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