Showing posts with label thinking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thinking. Show all posts

Saturday, February 4, 2017

Just Two Words

I knew a Killjoy Naval Officer whose entire miserable life in the Navy can be exemplified by this Zen story called TWO WORDS

The story is called Just Two Words

JUST TWO WORDS – Zen Story

There was once a monastery that had very strict rules.

All Monks were required to strictly follow a vow of silence

No one was allowed to speak at all.

But – there was one exception to this rule. 

After every 10 years  the Monks were permitted to speak just Two Words.

After spending his 10 ten years at the monastery  one young Monk was called by the Head Monk.

The Head Monk said to the young Monk: 

“It has been 10 years since you arrived here. What are the Two Words you would like to speak…?” 

“BED HARD…” said the young Monk.  

“I see...” said the Head Monk  without a trace of emotion.

And  the Head Monk quietly walked away.  

10 years later – the young Monk was again summoned by the Head Monk.

The Head Monk asked the young Monk: 

“You have completed 20 years in the monastery. And – it has been 10 years since you spoke your last Two Words. So – now – what are the Two Words you would like to speak…?”

“FOOD STINKS…” said the young monk. 

“I see...” the Head Monk said nonchalantly.

And  the Head Monk quietly walked away.  

Yet another 10 years passed  and – the young Monk was once again summoned by the Head Monk.

The Head Monk asked the young Monk: 

“You have now completed 30 years in the monastery. It has been 10 years since you spoke your last Two Words. What are your Two Words now – after these 10 years…?”

“I QUIT…” said the young Monk. 

“Well I can see why,” replied the Head Monk, “All you ever do is to carp and complain.” 


Why Crib, Carp, Moan, Groan or Complain...?

Best to always try to have a positive attitude and optimistic temperament. 

By the way – before I say Bye – let me tell you that  I knew a Killjoy Naval Officer whose entire miserable life in the Navy can be exemplified by this Zen story called TWO WORDS 

Dear Reader:

Cheer Up and enjoy life

Have a Good Day

Friday, January 20, 2017

Humor in Uniform – The Military “Brain”

THE MILITARY “BRAIN”
Reflections of a Navy Veteran
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Around 4 years ago  in September 2013 to be precise  I was invited to conduct a workshop on “Blogging” at a Literary Meet (Pune International Literary Festival – PILF 2013).

During the discussions  a smart young lady sitting in the first row asked me a question:

Sir  I have read your book of short stories and I regularly read your writings on your blogs  especially your fiction stories – so  I was wondering: ...How is it possible that you can think so creatively despite having spent so many years in the Navy...?...

At first  I was stumped.

But  I quickly recovered my wits  and I said: Life in the Navy is so eventful  you meet so many unforgettable characters  you have so many interesting experiences  so you get plenty of material to write about.’

No, Sir  I did not mean life experiences. I am asking about thinking ability. Tell me, Sir – ...Doesn’t military life affect the ability to think creatively...?...” she asked.

I really did not understand your question – could you please elaborate? I asked her.

Sir  I was an army officer till recently  and I found the atmosphere quite stifling and restrictive  which inhibits creative thinking... the smart young lady said.

Now  I was beginning to understand what she was driving at – so I said: “Do you mean the military “anti-intellectualism” – which suppresses intellectual activity – the military regimentation ethos of  ‘...Don’t use your Brain – just do as you are told” type Army Culture...?...

Yes, Sir – that is exactly what I mean... she said.

I smiled to myself.

She was echoing the thoughts of Liddell Hart.

Sir Basil Henry Liddell Hart (31 October 1895 – 29 January 1970) – commonly known throughout most of his career as Captain B. H. Liddell Hart – was an English soldier, military historian and military theorist.

Liddell Hart  while highlighting the dangers of “anti-intellectualism” in the army  had pointed out the reason due to which military officers lose their creative thinking abilities.

He opined that:

“...A lifetime of having to curb the expression of original thought culminates so often in there being nothing left to express...”.

There is a saying which applies to the Brain:

“Use it – or you will lose it”

I have read somewhere that there is a relationship between mental activity and cerebral blood-flow – and  like muscles  the brain atrophies from prolonged disuse.

Military Officers (especially Army Officers) are encouraged to do plenty of physical exercise to keep their body fit.

However – the anti-intellectual “just do as you are told – don’t use your brain” military culture inhibits the use of the brain.

The ramification of this regimented blind-obedience military culture is that military officers keep their bodies fit by constant physical exercise – but they neglect exercising their brain (especially the right hemisphere of the brain).

While a military officer may occasionally use his analytical left brain – his creative right brain” will fall into disuse and atrophy.

And – as the military officer spends more years in service and becomes a senior officer  he will lose the ability to think creatively.

The young smart ex-fauji military veteran lady officer had a point and she was implying that:

‘...Living for a prolonged duration in a dogmatic “don’t use your brain  just do as you are told” strait-jacketed “anti-intellectual” insular military environment can certainly affect your creative thinking abilities...

Obviously  during her days as an Army officer  the young lady had experienced this intellectually suffocating feeling.

Maybe – she had also observed the detrimental effect of the prevailing military culture of “anti-intellectualism” on the creative faculties of her peers and seniors.

Obviously – during her days in the Army – she had experienced that this blinkered thinking army culture was constraining her creativity.

Probably that was the reason why she had quit the Army before it was too late – in order to enable her creative juices to flow freely – and – now – as a civilian  her creativity was certainly flourishing  as was evident from the inspired creative writing on her blog.

Well  I told the young lady that the intellectual culture in the Navy was certainly more liberal and “broadminded” than what she had experienced in the army  and  in general  the Navy milieu was conducive to creative thinking.

In fact  I found navy life quite eventful  and this probably gave my creative thinking ability an impetus  as there was never a dull moment in the Navy – with so many curious characters around.


“ANTI-INTELLECTUALISM” IS AN IMPORTANT OLQ (OFFICER LIKE QUALITY)

After the workshop was over – I had a delightful discussion with the charming young lady.

I am sure you have heard of the term OLQ...” I asked her.

“Of course I know what is OLQ – it was drilled into us  OLQ means Officer Like Qualities’...” she said. 

“Well  “Anti-intellectualism” is an important OLQ – yes – regimented thinking is a vital Officer Like Quality – and – if an officer uses his right brain and thinks creatively or out of the box” – as they say – then he is doomed... I told her.

In jest  I told her that during my Navy days  I always carried two brains inside me:

1. A “Military Brain” – for regimented military thoughts

2. A “Creative Brain” – for interesting thoughts where I could let my imagination run wild

Most of the Naval Officers I met were cerebral types  but I did come across a few anti-intellectual specimens too.

If you are a fauji” (serving or retired military man) – or a faujan” (military wife) – do tell us if you have come across some “just do as you are told – don’t use your brain” “anti-intellectual” types during your service in the military.

Like I said – the excessively regimented Army is certainly more “anti-intellectual” than the Navy   and most of the Naval Officers I came across were cerebral types  but I did meet a few “anti-intellectual” types in the Navy too – and about one such hilarious specimen – I will tell you in a subsequent blog post.

And – before I end – let me leave you with a famous saying: 

Military Intelligence is an Oxymoron

You agree – don’t you – the phrase Military Intelligence is a contradiction in terms – isn’t it...? 

Continued in Part 2... 

(Dear Reader: Remember I told you earlier – that – I met many “anti-intellectual” types during my Navy Days. 

About one such specimen – I will tell you in my next blog post – in Part 2 of this article...)

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This is a fictional spoof, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Abridged Revised and Updated Extract of my article THE CRAZY COMMODORE WITH A PHOBIA FOR “MANAGEMENT THOUGHTS” written by me Vikram Karve on 19 November 2013 and posted online in my various blogs including in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal 

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Girinagar Memories – The “ISO Virus”

HUMOR IN UNIFORM 

THE ISO VIRUS

“FAUJI” BRAIN – “OUT OF THE BOX” THINKING
Unforgettable Vignettes of My Navy Life
By
VIKRAM KARVE

This happened more than 20 years ago  in the 1990s  when the Defence Services were suddenly afflicted with the ISO virus.

Everyone was bitten by the “Quality Bug” and suddenly became “quality conscious”.

The ISO Quality Management System was certainly relevant to industrial organizations  like Naval Dockyards.

But for most others  it was a fad – a craze to jump onto the ISO Bandwagon.

Getting the ISO Certification became a “status symbol” and a “feather in the cap” for the Head of the Organization.

Most of the top brass were quite clueless about ISO  but they insisted that units under their command obtain the “ISO Certified” Status Symbol  despite being told that the existing Naval Maintenance Management System was superior to the ISO Quality Management System (QMS).

The ISO virus” infected the powers-that-be at IAT Girinagar Pune too – and it was decided that IAT must get itself ISO Certified.

I expressed my dissent saying that IAT was running fine  IAT was an efficient organisation and it was recognized as a centre of excellence  and hence IAT did not need ISO Certification.

My boss gave me a curious smile  and he said: “You better keep your thoughts to yourself. Once the boss has decided – ISO is going to happen – so you better like it or lump it.”

And then  my boss looked at me triumphantly  and delivered the coup de grace

“Dean has directed that you will the Officer-in-Charge for ISO implementation. So – it will be your job to ensure that IAT gets ISO Certification…”

“What...? Me...? Officer-in-Charge ISO...? Sir  I don’t even have a clue about ISO…” I protested.

“We know. That is why you are being nominated for the ISO Lead Auditor Course,” my boss said  and he handed me a folder containing details of the ISO Lead Auditor Course for which I was being nominated.

As I read the contents of the folder  my low spirits turned into high spirits – it was quite a pricey one week residential course in a luxurious hotel in the nearby hill resort.

So – I was looking forward to an enjoyable week in a luxurious hotel at the salubrious hill station.

When things are going fine  there is always a hitch.

Next morning the Dean called me  and he said to me: “Lieutenant Colonel “X” wants to go for the ISO Lead Auditor Course.”

“But Lt Col “X” has put in his papers for premature retirement...” I said.

“I know. He wants to quit the army. That is why he wants to do the course. He says the ISO Lead Auditor Certificate will increase his market value and help him get a good job after he retires from service...” the Dean said.

“Sir  but how will his doing the ISO Lead Auditor Course be of any use to IAT...? Lieutenant Colonel “X” will do the course and he will retire. If I do the ISO Lead Auditor Course  I will use the knowledge I gain for getting ISO Certification and implementing ISO here in IAT...” I argued.

The Dean looked at me and said: 

“I have thought about all that. Here is the best solution. You want the knowledge – so you attend the course. Lieutenant Colonel “X” wants the certificate – so let him have the certificate...

At first – I was taken aback on hearing the Dean’s words.

I thought the Dean was joking – or he had gone crazy – or maybe I had not heard right – so I asked him: 

“Sir – are you saying that I have to attend the ISO Lead Auditor Course – but the certificate is to be issued in the name of Lieutenant Colonel “X”...?  

“Exactly – so you will have the knowledge of a ISO Lead Auditor which you can use here to get ISO Certification for IAT – and Lieutenant Colonel “X” will have the certificate of being an ISO Lead Auditor which he can use to get a job in the civilian industry after he retires. A true “Win-Win” situation – isn’t it...? the Dean said with a smile on his face.

“Sir – how is that possible? Attending the course is mandatory for getting the certificate...” I said.

“In India  anything is possible. It is called jugaad... You talk to the ISO guys and tell them to be a little flexible. Tell them that you will attend the course  but the ISO Lead Auditor Certificate is to be issued in the name of Lieutenant Colonel “X”. You are a bright officer and I am sure you can work it out  it will be a win-win situation that will satisfy everyone.”

I marvelled at the Fauji Dean’s “out of the box” thinking.

As he said  anything is possible in India by jugaad  but I did not have the guts to call up the ISO course organizers with this absurd proposition.

In the Defence Services  all issues are decided on the basis of seniority  and though I held the same rank as “X” – he was miles senior to me.

So  Lieutenant Colonel “X” went for the ISO Lead Auditor Course  and I am sure it helped him in his second innings after his retirement – since he retired soon after becoming a Certified ISO Lead Auditor  courtesy the Dean of IAT.

Of course  a few months later  I too did the ISO Lead Auditor Course.

In my case – unlike Lieutenant Colonel “X” for whom the ISO Lead Auditor Course was a resettlement course (to rehabilitate him in civil life)  I had to put the knowledge I gained in the course to good use in implementation of ISO Quality Management System in my organisation.

And do you know how ISO was implemented in a crazy “multicultural place like IAT Pune...?

Well – that’s another story  which I will tell you some other time... 

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)