Do You Party on Weekends

Humor in Uniform

On this Saturday evening – Let me share some “Wisdom” I applied in the Navy on the ART OF PARTYING

DO YOU PARTY ON WEEKENDS...?

A Spoof

By

VIKRAM KARVE

(This happened long back when we worked for 6 days in a week in the Navy and all government offices)

PARTY TIME

“You think you are too damn smart – but I have found out something about you,” the PMC said.

“What is it, Sir?” I asked – curious – wondering which ‘secret’ of mine the PMC had discovered.

“You avoid having parties on Saturdays,” he said.

“Is it so?” I said, smiling like a Cheshire Cat.

“Ever since you have taken over as Mess Secretary you always schedule parties on working days – on weekday evenings. Every time we want to have a party on Saturday evenings, you get the party re-scheduled on a weekday on some pretext or the other. Now you have crossed all limits – you even want a Saturday afternoon Pre-Lunch Drinks (PLD) preponed to Wednesday afternoon,” he said.

“There is no such word as ‘preponed’, Sir...” I said.

“Shut up. Don’t try to change the topic...” he said.

“Sir – but Wednesday is also a make-and-mend (half-day) routine – and the officer whose farewell party it is – he wanted it on Wednesday – he said it was more convenient…”

“Don’t bullshit me – the officer said that it was you who told him that Wednesday would be convenient…” the PMC said.

Now that the cat was out of the bag – I decided to make a clean breast of it.

“Sir, you are right – I don’t like to have parties on Saturdays,” I said.

“Any particular reason – something religious – do you fast on Saturdays?” he asked.

“No, no, Sir – it is something totally different – nothing religious or spiritual about it, Sir – maybe philosophical – but you won’t believe me if I tell you,” I said.

“I want to know – you have to tell me,” the PMC insisted.

“I work to enjoy my leisure,” I said.

“You work to enjoy your leisure?” he repeated my words, looking puzzled.

“We all do, don’t we? Don’t we all work so that we can enjoy our leisure? We slog 6 days a week – so that we can enjoy that one Sunday we get off. And in the Navy – we have to do duties on some Sundays too, so even some of the few Sunday routines we get are ruined anyway,” I said.

“But what the hell has all this got to do with not having parties on weekends?” he asked.

“I don’t like to have a hangover on a Sunday morning – I prefer to have my hangover on a working day and in working hours,” I said.

“What?” he asked, looking puzzled.

“I drink because I am in the Navy – it is the Navy that taught me how to drink, it is the Navy that motivates me to drink by giving me the choicest top quality duty free and subsidized liquor – and don’t we have an official party culture that encourages drinking?” I said.

“How can you say that?” he asked.

“Sir – I never touched a drop of booze in college. And most probably – I would never have started drinking alcohol had I not joined the Navy. So – since I drink alcohol because I am in the Navy – the effects of drinking alcohol like a hangover must be suffered in working hours. Also – Sir – most navy parties are official parties – so the aftereffects of these ‘official’ parties must be ‘officially’ endured in official working hours…” I explained.

“You are talking all nonsense…” the PMC said.

“Sir – please try to see it logically – the Navy is responsible for my drinking – so the Navy must bear my hangover. Why should I ruin my valuable leisure hours suffering a hangover on the one beautiful Sunday morning I get for myself – in fact – I like to get up early on Sundays – so I can enjoy my well deserved holiday to the fullest…” I said.

From the incredulous look on his face – it appeared that the PMC was not convinced by my logical reasoning.

And to prove that he was the boss – when the next occasion for an official farewell party arose – the PMC decided that the party was to be held on a Saturday evening.

The weekend party was vetoed by the PMC’s wife – who unequivocally told her husband: “Why are you having an official party on Saturday evening? Why don’t you have the farewell party on a weekday evening like you normally do? I am not going to ruin my weekend attending your boring party which goes on and on till the wee hours. Have the party on a weekday evening – and – on Saturday evening – you take me out for shopping and a movie.”

What the PMC did not know was that a few days ago I had a discussion on the same subject with his wife – and she seemed to enthusiastically agree with my views about “No Partying on Weekends”.

EPILOGUE

I tried my best to follow my NO PARTYING ON WEEKENDS dictum throughout my Navy career – so that I could fully enjoy my well-earned Sundays as I pleased.

(A few years later– after the 5-day week was introduced – my “NO PARTY WINDOW” was extended from Friday afternoon to Sunday evening).

Sometimes – this did annoy some seniors – who found me missing from weekend evening cocktails or afternoon Pre-Lunch Drinks (PLD).

In one organisation – despite my best efforts to convince them to have parties on weekdays – they insisted on having all parties on weekends.

I avoided most of these weekend parties.

Once when one of my bosses asked me why I was missing from parties – I gave him one of my classic retorts: “Sir – I do not attend parties because I am an alcoholic.”

What happened after that?

Well – that is another story which I will tell you some other time.

Meanwhile – remember the “Moral of the Story” of this article:

The worst way to spend a beautiful Sunday morning is by sleeping in bed having a splitting headache suffering from a hangover due the excesses of late night weekend partying.

Why ruin your valuable leisure hours...? 

Why ruin your Sunday...? 

Why ruin your weekends by weekend partying...? 

Remember – you work on weekdays to enjoy your leisure during weekends.

If you must party – why not do it on working days (weekdays) evenings – and “enjoy” the hangover in working hours...?

You agree with me – don’t you?

Do remember the essence of partying:

Party on Weekdays – and Enjoy your Weekend.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

LEISURE MANAGEMENT - CONTRARIAN WISDOM - NEVER PARTY ON WEEKENDS

HUMOUR IN UNIFORM

Let me share some “GYAN” I applied in the Navy on the ART OF PARTYING

LEISURE MANAGEMENT

CONTRARIAN WISDOM – NEVER PARTY ON WEEKENDS

By

VIKRAM KARVE

(This happened long back when we worked for 6 days in a week in all government offices)

PARTY TIME

“You think you are too damn smart – but I have found out something about you,” the PMC said.

“What is it, Sir?” I asked – curious – wondering which ‘secret’ of mine the PMC had discovered.

“You avoid having parties on Saturdays,” he said.

“Is it so?” I said, smiling like a Cheshire Cat.

“Ever since you have taken over as Mess Secretary you always schedule parties on working days – on weekday evenings. Every time we want to have a party on Saturday evenings, you get the party re-scheduled on a weekday on some pretext or the other. Now you have crossed all limits – you even want a Saturday afternoon Pre-Lunch Drinks (PLD) preponed to Wednesday afternoon,” he said.

“There is no such word as ‘preponed’, Sir...” I said.

“Shut up. Don’t try to change the topic...” he said.

“Sir – but Wednesday is also a make-and-mend (half-day) routine – and the officer whose farewell party it is – he wanted it on Wednesday – he said it was more convenient…”

“Don’t bullshit me – the officer said that it was you who told him that Wednesday would be convenient…” the PMC said.

Now that the cat was out of the bag – I decided to make a clean breast of it.

“Sir, you are right – I don’t like to have parties on Saturdays,” I said.

“Any particular reason – something religious – do you fast on Saturdays?” he asked.

“No, no, Sir – it is something totally different – nothing religious or spiritual about it, Sir – maybe philosophical – but you won’t believe me if I tell you,” I said.

“I want to know – you have to tell me,” the PMC insisted.

“I work to enjoy my leisure,” I said.

“You work to enjoy your leisure?” he repeated my words, looking puzzled.

“We all do, don’t we? Don’t we all work so that we can enjoy our leisure? We slog 6 days a week – so that we can enjoy that one Sunday we get off. And in the Navy – we have to do duties on some Sundays too, so even some of the few Sunday routines we get are ruined anyway,” I said.

“But what the hell has all this got to do with not having parties on weekends?” he asked.

“I don’t like to have a hangover on a Sunday morning – I prefer to have my hangover on a working day and in working hours,” I said.

“What?” he asked, looking puzzled.

“I drink because I am in the Navy – it is the Navy that taught me how to drink, it is the Navy that motivates me to drink by giving me the choicest top quality duty free and subsidized liquor – and don’t we have an official party culture that encourages drinking?” I said.

“How can you say that?” he asked.

“Sir – I never touched a drop of booze in college. And most probably – I would never have started drinking alcohol had I not joined the Navy. So – since I drink alcohol because I am in the Navy – the effects of drinking alcohol like a hangover must be suffered in working hours. Also – Sir – most navy parties are official parties – so the aftereffects of these ‘official’ parties must be ‘officially’ endured in official working hours…” I explained.

“You are talking all nonsense…” the PMC said.

“Sir – please try to see it logically – the Navy is responsible for my drinking – so the Navy must bear my hangover. Why should I ruin my valuable leisure hours suffering a hangover on the one beautiful Sunday morning I get for myself – in fact – I like to get up early on Sundays so I can enjoy my well deserved holiday to the fullest…” I said.

From the incredulous look on his face – it appeared that the PMC was not convinced by my logical reasoning.

And to prove that he was the boss – when the next occasion for an official farewell party arose – the PMC decided that the party was to be held on a Saturday evening.

This was vetoed by the PMC’s wife – who unequivocally told her husband, “Why are you having an official party on Saturday evening? Why don’t you have the farewell party on a weekday evening like you normally do? I am not going to ruin my weekend attending your boring party which goes on and on. On Saturday evening – you take me out for shopping and a movie.”

What the PMC did not know was that a few days ago I had a discussion on the same subject with his wife – and she seemed to heartily agree with my views.

EPILOGUE

I tried my best to follow my NO PARTYING ON WEEKENDS dictum throughout my Navy career – so that I could fully enjoy my well-earned Sundays as I pleased.

(Later, after the 5-day week was introduced – my “NO PARTY WINDOW” was from Friday afternoon to Sunday evening).

Sometimes – this did annoy some seniors – who found me missing from weekend evening cocktails or afternoon Pre-Lunch Drinks (PLD).

In one organisation – despite my best efforts to convince them to have parties on weekdays – they insisted on having all parties on weekends.

I avoided most of these weekend parties.

Once when one of my bosses asked me why I was missing – I gave him one of my classic retorts: “Sir, I do not attend parties because I am an alcoholic.”

What happened after that?

Well, that is another story which I will tell you some other time.

Meanwhile – remember the “Moral of the Story”:

The worst way to spend a beautiful Sunday morning is sleeping in bed having a splitting headache suffering from a hangover due the excesses of late night weekend partying.

Why ruin your valuable leisure hours?

If you must party – why not do it on weekday evenings – and “enjoy” the hangover in working hours?

You agree with me – don’t you?

The essence of partying:

Party on Weekdays – and Enjoy your Weekend.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

COCKTAIL PARTY SUCCESS MANTRA

COCKTAIL PARTY SUCCESS MANTRA

HOW I ORGANIZED SUCCESSFUL PARTIES

Memoirs of my “extra-curricular” Navy Life

By

VIKRAM KARVE

A Naval Officer is supposed to be a “Jack of all Trades but Master on One”

So, in addition to your professional “tradecraft” (your primary duty in which you are supposed to be a “Master”), in the Navy, you are given a lot of “bum jobs” (euphemistically called “secondary duties”) which you are supposed to perform to the best of your ability.

One of the “bum jobs” I enjoyed was organizing parties.

I was asked to this quite often, even when I was not the mess secretary, and this indicated that I was good at organizing parties.

There are many “tips” for organizing good parties – food, drinks, snacks, décor, games, music, dancing, prizes, gifts, various arrangements for service etc – and I am sure you know most of them.

But I will give you just one “tip” which you probably do not know.

Well, I used this “technique” with great success in official parties, but I am sure you can use it in various types of cocktail parties as well.

COCKTAIL PARTY SUCCESS MANTRA

This “mantra” is breathtaking in its simplicity:

LET ALCOHOL FLOW FREELY but KEEP WATER SCARCE

I used to instruct the stewards to pour generous “Patiala Pegs” (three fingers of whisky or rum filling almost half the Whisky Tumbler).

All glasses were to be topped up with water or soda (a 50% whisky/soda or rum/paani combination).

Whisky and Soda were served separately only to the “VIP” but even he was given a stiff “three finger peg” and the moment he picked up his glass, the soda was quickly taken out of sight.

The stewards were given strict instructions to make alcohol easily available in plenty but keep water and soda scarce.

Now, like in all “fauji” parties all officers would crowd around the “VIP” or senior officers vying for their attention.

The moment an officer sipped his drink, he would find it quite stiff – a bit too strong for his palate.

I made sure that water or soda was not available – the stewards would keep circulating with filled glasses of whisky/rum but they were under strict instructions not to serve water/soda.

Now the officers had to choose from one of the two options:

1. Either they could leave the coveted inner circle by excusing themselves from the “VIP” and walk all the way to the bar to get soda or water. (Most “careerist” officers would hesitate to do this)

2. Or they could continue to be in close company with the “VIP” and keep sipping their drink. After some time their palate would get used to the strong drink. (Most would fall in this category)

Even for the “VIP” – he would be “encouraged” to sip his stiff drink rather than making soda available easily.

(One of the aims of a party is to get the “VIP” quite drunk, or at least “high”, as having the “VIP” in high spirits augurs well for the ship or unit - the pinnacle of success is achieved if the “VIP” can hardly stand and has to helped out at the end the party)

Alcohol would flow freely but water would be scarce.

Snacks and “small eats” would be kept out of sight till everyone had had enough to drink.

Within an hour, spirits would be high, and the party would be swinging.

Within two hours, most officers would have imbibed enough alcohol to achieve an abundant state of inebriation.

At the end of the party, three hours later, there would be atmosphere of drunken revelry and bonhomie.

Next morning, nursing their hangovers, everyone would “remember” what an enjoyable party it was and I would be flooded with appreciation.

NB: Those days, in the Navy, officers drank as per the colour of the sky, so at evening cocktail parties whisky and rum was served and “pansy cocktails” and “ladies drinks” were kept out of these all-male hard drinking affairs.

However, this “mantra” ( let alcohol flow freely but keep water scarce ) works well for all cocktail parties. Try it – and let us know if it worked for you.

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.