Saturday, February 20, 2016

Do You Party on Weekends

Humor in Uniform

On this Saturday evening  Let me share some “Wisdom” I applied in the Navy on the ART OF PARTYING

DO YOU PARTY ON WEEKENDS...?
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE

(This happened long back when we worked for 6 days in a week in the Navy and all government offices)

PARTY TIME

“You think you are too damn smart – but I have found out something about you,” the PMC said.

“What is it, Sir?” I asked  curious  wondering which ‘secret’ of mine the PMC had discovered.

“You avoid having parties on Saturdays,” he said.

“Is it so?” I said, smiling like a Cheshire Cat.

“Ever since you have taken over as Mess Secretary you always schedule parties on working days – on weekday evenings. Every time we want to have a party on Saturday evenings, you get the party re-scheduled on a weekday on some pretext or the other. Now you have crossed all limits – you even want a Saturday afternoon Pre-Lunch Drinks (PLD) preponed to Wednesday afternoon,” he said.

“There is no such word as ‘preponed’, Sir...” I said.

“Shut up. Don’t try to change the topic...” he said.

“Sir  but Wednesday is also a make-and-mend (half-day) routine – and the officer whose farewell party it is – he wanted it on Wednesday – he said it was more convenient…”

“Don’t bullshit me – the officer said that it was you who told him that Wednesday would be convenient…” the PMC said.

Now that the cat was out of the bag  I decided to make a clean breast of it.

“Sir, you are right – I don’t like to have parties on Saturdays,” I said.

“Any particular reason – something religious – do you fast on Saturdays?” he asked.

“No, no, Sir – it is something totally different – nothing religious or spiritual about it, Sir – maybe philosophical – but you won’t believe me if I tell you,” I said.

“I want to know – you have to tell me,” the PMC insisted.

“I work to enjoy my leisure,” I said.

“You work to enjoy your leisure?” he repeated my words, looking puzzled.

“We all do, don’t we? Don’t we all work so that we can enjoy our leisure? We slog 6 days a week  so that we can enjoy that one Sunday we get off. And in the Navy  we have to do duties on some Sundays too, so even some of the few Sunday routines we get are ruined anyway,” I said.

“But what the hell has all this got to do with not having parties on weekends?” he asked.

“I don’t like to have a hangover on a Sunday morning – I prefer to have my hangover on a working day and in working hours,” I said.

“What?” he asked, looking puzzled.

“I drink because I am in the Navy – it is the Navy that taught me how to drink, it is the Navy that motivates me to drink by giving me the choicest top quality duty free and subsidized liquor – and don’t we have an official party culture that encourages drinking?” I said.

“How can you say that?” he asked.

“Sir  I never touched a drop of booze in college. And most probably  I would never have started drinking alcohol had I not joined the Navy. So  since I drink alcohol because I am in the Navy  the effects of drinking alcohol like a hangover must be suffered in working hours. Also – Sir  most navy parties are official parties  so the aftereffects of these official parties must be officially endured in official working hours…” I explained.

“You are talking all nonsense…” the PMC said.

“Sir  please try to see it logically – the Navy is responsible for my drinking  so the Navy must bear my hangover. Why should I ruin my valuable leisure hours suffering a hangover on the one beautiful Sunday morning I get for myself – in fact  I like to get up early on Sundays  so I can enjoy my well deserved holiday to the fullest…” I said.

From the incredulous look on his face  it appeared that the PMC was not convinced by my logical reasoning.

And to prove that he was the boss  when the next occasion for an official farewell party arose  the PMC decided that the party was to be held on a Saturday evening.

The weekend party was vetoed by the PMC’s wife  who unequivocally told her husband: “Why are you having an official party on Saturday evening? Why don’t you have the farewell party on a weekday evening like you normally do? I am not going to ruin my weekend attending your boring party which goes on and on till the wee hours. Have the party on a weekday evening – and  on Saturday evening  you take me out for shopping and a movie.”

What the PMC did not know was that a few days ago I had a discussion on the same subject with his wife  and she seemed to enthusiastically agree with my views about “No Partying on Weekends”.


EPILOGUE

I tried my best to follow my NO PARTYING ON WEEKENDS dictum throughout my Navy career  so that I could fully enjoy my well-earned Sundays as I pleased.

(A few years later after the 5-day week was introduced – my NO PARTY WINDOW was extended from Friday afternoon to Sunday evening).

Sometimes  this did annoy some seniors  who found me missing from weekend evening cocktails or afternoon Pre-Lunch Drinks (PLD).

In one organisation  despite my best efforts to convince them to have parties on weekdays  they insisted on having all parties on weekends.

I avoided most of these weekend parties.

Once when one of my bosses asked me why I was missing from parties  I gave him one of my classic retorts: “Sir  I do not attend parties because I am an alcoholic.

What happened after that?

Well  that is another story which I will tell you some other time.

Meanwhile  remember the “Moral of the Storyof this article:

The worst way to spend a beautiful Sunday morning is by sleeping in bed having a splitting headache suffering from a hangover due the excesses of late night weekend partying.

Why ruin your valuable leisure hours...? 

Why ruin your Sunday...? 

Why ruin your weekends by weekend partying...? 

Remember – you work on weekdays to enjoy your leisure during weekends.

If you must party  why not do it on working days (weekdays) evenings  and “enjoy” the hangover in working hours...?

You agree with me  don’t you?

Do remember the essence of partying:

Party on Weekdays – and Enjoy your Weekend.

VIKRAM KARVE
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Disclaimer:
1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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