Showing posts with label loyalty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loyalty. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 27, 2019

“Keep it in the Family” Syndrome

DO YOU HESITATE TO “WASH YOUR “DIRTY LINEN” IN PUBLIC DUE TO THE “KEEP IT IN THE FAMILY” SYNDROME...? 

“Dirt” has to be washed” – otherwise – things become “unclean”. 

Now – this “dirt” may be physical – or – metaphorical – like mental “dirt” - perversions, immorality or filth in the mind – or – systemic “dirt – corruption, crime and unethical aspects/people in a system/organisation. 

If you metaphorically call a system/organisation as “linen” – then an “unclean system/organisation polluted” by various forms of “dirt” can be metaphorically called “dirty linen”. 

“Dirty Linen” has to be “Washed”. 

If you can “Wash your “Dirty Linen” in private – well and good. 

Otherwise – you will have to “Wash your “Dirty Linen” in public. 

If you avoid washing your “dirty linen” – it will become unclean and filthy – and can be harmful to your “health”. 

So  it is imperative to “wash your “dirty linen”. 

As I said – it is best to “wash your “dirty linen” in private. 

But – if for some reason you can’t do so – then – you have to “wash your “dirty linen” in public. 

Unless you believe in “uncleanliness” – you have to “wash your “dirty linen”. 

So – it is better to “wash your “dirty linen” in public – rather than not “wash your “dirty linen” at all. 

Due to sense of “Misplaced Loyalty” – some people avoid “washing their “dirty linen” because they don’t want to “wash their “dirty linen” in public. 

This pseudo-ethical sense sense of “Misplaced Loyalty” due to a “Don’t Wash Your Dirty Linen in Public” mindset results in the “Keep it in the Family” Syndrome. 

At the familial level – families tend to hide serious issues under the pretext that it is an internal issue of the family and that dirty linen should not be washed in public – otherwise the image and reputation of the family will be adversely affected. 

Incidents of Incest, Sexual Abuse, Inappropriate Behaviour, Adultery, Pedophilia and Domestic Violence that happen within a “family” – these incidents may be “hushed up” to avoid “washing dirty linen in public” – because of the fallacious fear that exposing the wrongdoers may bring a “bad name” to the family and tarnish the reputation of the family. 

At the organisational level – “Misplaced Loyalty” due to the “Keep it in the Family” syndrome sometimes makes you condone unethical acts of individuals/organizations who you feel are a “part of the family” and towards whom you feel a sense of “loyalty”.

“Misplaced Loyalty” attitudes of – “Keep it in the Family” – “Don’t Wash Dirty Linen in Public” – results in a “pseudo-ethical” tendency to “brush misdemeanors under the carpet” and “hush up” wrongdoings – due to which culprits get away scot-free.

Owing to these “Misplaced Loyalty” Mindsets in Organizations – Frauds and Scams are “hushed-up” – Corruption and Wrongdoings are not exposed – and – Scandals are swept under the carpet.

Dear Reader – here is an article I had written 3 years ago on the topic of “Misplaced Loyalty” due to “Keep it in the Family” Syndrome...

MISPLACED LOYALTY – The “Keep it in the Family” Syndrome
A Garb for Pseudo-Ethics
Musings of a Navy Veteran
By
VIKRAM KARVE


RUSTOM

3 years ago – in 2016 – I saw the movie RUSTOM

The film is based on the famous 1959 Nanavati Case 
(Commander K. M. Nanavati vs. State of Maharashtra)

I am sure you are aware of this landmark murder case in which Commander Kawas Manekshaw Nanavati – a Navy Commander – was tried for the murder of Prem Ahuja – his wife’s lover. 


NANAVATI CASE 

As per information on the Nanavati Case on the Internet – it appears that – Commander Nanavati fired 3 shots at his wife’s lover who dropped dead – and then – Commander Nanavati headed straight to confess to the Provost Marshal of the Western Naval Command – and – on his advice – Nanavati surrendered himself to the Deputy Commissioner of Police.

The murder case received unprecedented media coverage and inspired several books and movies.

Commander Nanavati – accused under section 302 – was initially declared “Not Guilty” by a Jury under section 302 – but – the verdict was dismissed by the Bombay High Court – and – the case was re-tried as a bench trial.

The High Court sentenced Nanavati to life imprisonment for culpable homicide amounting to murder – and subsequently – the Supreme Court of India upheld the conviction.

Nanavati was granted pardon after spending 3 years in prison – and – after his release – Nanavati – his wife Sylvia – and – their 3 children – all migrated to Canada – and – settled in Toronto.

Nanavati died in 2003.

The Nanavati case was the last to be heard as a Jury Trial in India – as the government abolished jury trials after this landmark case.


RUSTOM (Movie) – Twist in the Tail

The movie ending is different – with a “Twist in the Tail”.

The protagonist Commander Rustom Pavri walks free after the jury declares him “not guilty”. 

On the eve of the judgement – while talking to the Investigating Officer (Police Inspector Lobo) – Commander Rustom Pavri justifies killing his wife’s lover (Vikram Makhija)

Rustom says that the real reason he shot dead his wife’s lover (Vikram Makhija) was to prevent India Navy from acquiring a “sub-standard” Aircraft Carrier which would have compromised national security.

Vikram Makhija was an “Arms Agent” – and – he had entered into a conspiracy with “Bigwigs” (including high ranking Naval Officers and Bureaucrats) – to siphon off money by importing a “sub-standard” warship.

Rustom is deputed abroad to a foreign country to inspect the ship – and – he discovers the “scam”.

He is shocked to learn that his friend Vikram Makhija is the main conspirator and his own senior officers are involved neck-deep in the scam. 

The corrupt “scamsters” try to “persuade” Rustom to give a “favourable” report to accept the “sub-standard” ship.

The corrupt “scamsters” try to bribe Rustom – and – later they threaten him – but – Rustom – who is a patriotic and honest officer – refuses to compromise his integrity.

On his return to India – Rustom he telephonically informs the Defence Secretary about the scam – and – Rustom tells him that he will not spare the main conspirator Vikram Makhija (who – as Rustom has coincidentally learnt  is having an affair with Rustom’s wife Sylvia).

(It later transpires that the Defence Secretary is also involved in the scam)

Rustom proceeds to Vikram Makhija’s house and puts three bullets into his chest.

Vikram Makhija drops dead.

Everyone – including the investigating officer Inspector Lobo – everyone thinks that Rustom killed Makhija because he caught him having an affair with his wife.

However – at the end of the movie – while talking to Inspector Lobo – Rustom reveals that real reason why he killed Vikram Makhija.

Rustom says the he killed Vikram Makhija since he was the key conspirator in the shady deal to import the sub-standard aircraft carrier warship.

Thereby – he managed foil the shady deal and prevented the import of a sub-standard warship whose acquisition would have compromised national security.

Inspector Lobo asks Commander Rustom Pavri: 

“What about the other conspirators like the Senior Navy Officers, Defence Secretary etc…? Why didn’t you expose them and ensure that they got punished…?”

Commander Rustom Pavri says: 

“If I had exposed them – the “image” of the Navy and Government would have got tarnished – so – I did not expose those persons in “high places” to protect the reputation of the nation…”

Does the movie want to give a “message” that it is okay to condone high-level corruption in shady Defence deals – on the specious logic that exposing high-ranking perpetrators will tarnish the “good image” of the Armed Forces, spoil the reputation of the Defence Establishment and embarrass the Government…?

In the Movie – Rustom displays “Misplaced Patriotism” by his misguided belief – that – he is defending the honour of the Navy and the Nation – by concealing the extent of the scam and withholding the names corrupt senior officers – due to which high-ranking perpetrators of the scam escape punishment and get away scot-free.

Hence – the “moral message” is that – for the “greater good” – it is justified to let wrongdoers get away scot-free just to protect the reputation of the organization. 

Bizarre logic – isn’t it…?

Or maybe – it is not so bizarre.

Don’t we see such cases of “misplaced loyalty” in real life…? 

Image and Reputation seem to matter more than Ethics and Moral Values”. 

This phenomenon is visible at work – at the organizational level – and – in personal life – at the familial level.


MISPLACED LOYALTY (The “Keep it in the Family” Syndrome)

Misplaced Loyalty makes you remain silent when you know you should speak up – at work – and – in personal life – especially when it comes to personal friendships and close family relationships.

We see this phenomenon of “misplaced loyalty” in organizations – in the military (under the garb of “izzat”) – and – in “civvy street” too – in civilian bureaucracy – in business houses and the corporate sector – and – of course – in political parties.

Engaging in misplaced loyalty in professional life entails complying with a “code of silence” about the internal affairs of your organization.

In the Military – “Regimental Loyalties” (keep it within the unit) – and “Ship Loyalties” (keep it within the ship) – are examples of such misplaced organizational loyalties.

At the family/personal level – incidents of Incest, Sexual Abuse, Inappropriate Behaviour, Adultery, Pedophilia and Domestic Violence that happen within a “family” – these incidents may be “hushed up” to avoid “washing dirty linen in public” – because of the fallacious fear –  that exposing the wrongdoers may bring a “bad name” to the family and tarnish the reputation of the entire family.

I call it the “keep it in the family” syndrome. 

The term “family” is used literally to mean personal family comprising relatives – as well as metaphorically – to refer to organizations (workplace “family”).

“Misplaced Loyalty” due to the “Keep it in the Family” syndrome sometimes makes you condone unethical acts of individuals/organizations who you feel are a “part of the family” and towards whom you feel a sense of “loyalty”.

“Misplaced Loyalty” attitudes of – “Keep it in the Family” – “Don’t Wash Dirty Linen in Public” – result in a “pseudo-ethical” tendency to “brush misdemeanors under the carpet” and “hush up” wrongdoings – due to which culprits get away scot-free.

Owing to these “Misplaced Loyalty” Mindsets in Organizations – Frauds, Scams and Cases of Sexual Misconduct are “hushed-up” – Corruption and Wrongdoings are not exposed – and – Scandals are swept under the carpet. 

In some cases – even heinous crimes are “hushed up” – due to the propensity to “cover up” criminal activities due to the “Keep it in the Family” Syndrome.

Both at the macro-level and micro-level – in organizational environments – and – in family settings – “misplaced loyalty” due to the “keep it in family” syndrome may have deleterious consequences.

The ramification of this “misplaced loyalty” due to the “keep it in family” syndrome is that wrongdoers get emboldened to commit misdemeanors even more brazenly with disastrous consequences.

The widespread corruption, various scams/scandals and proliferation of crime bear testimony to this fact.

Due to the “keep it in the family” mindset – in workplaces and in family settings – if sexual perverts who indulge in “inappropriate behavior” are allowed to get away scot-free – they may get emboldened to commit worse misdemeanors like sexual harassment, sexual assault, rape etc.

“Misplaced Loyalty” is dangerous – for the “family” – and for society at large.

Even if it means “embarrassment” to the “family” – isn’t it better to “name and shame” wrongdoers and punish these malefactors at the very first instance…?

Exposing transgressors in the very first instance will help “nip things in the bud” – and – will deter these wrongdoers from committing graver misdemeanors – which may prove to be even more detrimental to the family/organization.

During my long career in the Navy – I did come across a few instances of attempts to “cover up” misconduct due to the “keep it in the family” syndrome – “Misplaced Loyalty” arising from “fear of reputation damage” – or  due to adherence to so-called pseudo “honour codes” prevalent in military training academies and in some regiments/units.  

However – by and large – instances of misconduct were duly reported and the offenders were punished.


CONCLUSION

Coming back to the movie RUSTOM – it is one thing for a Naval Officer to commit an “Honour Killing” by shooting his wife’s illicit lover.

But – it is quite another thing for a Naval Officer to kill a Civilian Businessman who is a conspirator in a defence scam – while at the same time “protecting” high-ranking Navy Officers and Civilian Bureaucrats involved in the same scam  and justifying the “hush up” – on the bizarre logic  that exposing these high-ranking officers will tarnish the image of the Navy and the Nation.

I wish the movie had stuck to the original story – and – not twisted the story by a hotchpotch sub-plot about corruption in defence deals – and – ended up with the protagonist Commander Rustom Pavri justifying his “Misplaced Patriotism” – due to which  he does not expose corruption in the shady defence deal – on the specious logic  that “naming and shaming” corrupt high-ranking officers involved in the scam – would “tarnish the image” of the Navy (and Nation)

So – the protagonist (Commander Rustom Pavri) thereby allows the conspirators to get away scot-free and escape punishment for their misconduct. 

Dear Reader: 

Don’t you see examples of “Misplaced Loyalty” and “Keep it in the Family” Syndrome around you – due to which – instead of being punished – wrongdoers and culprits are allowed to escape punishment and get away scot-free – at both – the macro level – in politics, in bureaucracy, in the military, in corporates, in academia  and also at the micro level – in your workplace and among your family and friends...?

I feel that Misplaced Loyalty (due to the “keep it in the family” syndrome) is a garb for pseudo-ethics – and this proves detrimental to the greater good in the long run. 

It is better to “wash your “dirty linen” in public – rather than not “wash your “dirty linen” at all and let it become unclean and filthy.  

Dear Reader – Do you agree...?

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. All examples and tips are illustrative in nature. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)
 

Friday, November 17, 2017

Agape Love – The Highest Form of Love

In an interesting discussion on Twitter about the various forms of Love – a friend mentioned Agape Love...

This reminded me of a blog post I had written long back on the topic of Agape Love – The Highest Form of Love 

So – Dear Reader – let me delve deep into my blog and pull out my piece on Agape Love – and repost it for you to read. 

Of course – the “person” who gave me Agape Love” – my pet dog Sherry – she is no more in this world – my beloved pet Sherry passed away to her heavenly abode 3 years ago in December 2014 – and maybe – she is waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge 

Now that I have told you the context – here is my piece on Agape Love...

AGAPE LOVE – THE HIGHEST FORM OF LOVE
Musings of a Veteran “Lover”
By
VIKRAM KARVE  

PART 1 - IF YOU NEED A FRIEND GET A DOG

I still remember the apt quote from Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) in the classic movie WALL STREET:   

“ If you need a friend  get a dog 

It is true – if you need a genuine loving friend just get a dog.

Tell me  what is the highest form of love...?

I’ll tell you  it is called Agape Love – the totally pure and selfless love of one person for another.

Do you want to experience this highest form of love  Agape Love...?

Simple  just get yourself a pet dog  a nice cute little puppy  and make a commitment to look after it as your own child.

You will learn The Art of Friendship from your dog.

There is nothing to surpass the strong affection, warm attachment, unselfish loyalty, total trust and true friendship of a pet dog who will love you unconditionally for its entire life.

You will love to come home to the enthusiastic greeting and genuine welcome that your dog will give you each time you return home which will fill you with love and joy.

Your pet dog will give you loyal jovial companionship and unquestioning affection forever, fill you with buoyant happiness and your life will become bright and breezy.

Remember: 

your girlfriend or boyfriend may dump you 

your spouse may divorce you 

your children may abandon you 

your parents may disown you 

your relatives may distance themselves from you 

your colleagues may shun you 

your neighbours may ostracize you 

but – your dog will always love you, be loyal to you and never leave your side 

yes 

you may get rid of your dog  but your dog will always love you and never leave you of its own accord – and your dog will never forget you till his dying day...

In fact 
 investing your time and love in your dog is much more rewarding than wasting time, money and emotional effort indulging in unrequited romances and unfulfillingrelationships.

Once the dog joins your family, invest your love and time to build a special bond that only a dog can offer and see how your dog makes you learn and practice the Art of Loving and the Art of Friendship.

Just go ahead. Get a pet dog. You will be happy you did and your life will change forever.

There is plenty of choice – whether you live in the city or the mofussil, in an apartment or bungalow, whatever your lifestyle, age and state of health, there is always a type of dog which will suit your personality and lifestyle. 

You need not be too fussy about pure breeds etc - even a rough and tough well cared for mongrel is a delight and will shower you with love. 

In Part 2 of this article, I will give you a few tips on Pet Parenting once you get a dog in your life.
 



Here is a picture of my Doberman X Caravan Hound Girl Sherry (earlier the vets used to call her “Doberman X but now they call her a more dignified Indian Hound).

Sherry says a loving Bow Wow to you.

PART 2 - PET DOG PARENTING TIPS


Now that you are thinking of getting a pet dog here are some pet parenting tips. 


Remember that it is going to be a genuine long-term commitment and your life will change forever.

The pet dog is going to be a new member of your family.

Before you bring the pet dog into your home and your life it would be worthwhile to read this:


TEN PET DOG PARENTING TIPS
(Your Pet Dog Speaks to You)

1. My life is likely to last ten to fifteen years. I want your company always. Any separation from you will be painful for me. You must spend plenty of time with me. Remember that when you get me to your home and into your life and family.
 
2. Give me time to understand what you want of me. Be patient. Tell me. Learn my language. Teach me your language. I will learn fast and obey you and try to please you always.

3. Place your trust in me – it is crucial for my well-being. I will always be steadfastly loyal to you.

4. Please don't be angry at me for long, and please don't lock me up as punishment. You have your work, your entertainment, your family members and your friends. I have only you.

5. Talk to me sometimes. Even if I don't understand your words, I understand your voice when it's speaking to me. I will quickly learn and understand all your emotions and body language too.

6. Always treat me with care and love. I will never forget it.

7. Remember before you hit me that I have teeth that could easily crush the bones in your hands, but that I choose not to bite you. Even if I am naughty never hit me. I will be contrite even if bring a serious look on your face.

8. Before you scold me for being uncooperative, obstinate or lazy, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I am not getting the right food, or I have been out in the sun or in the cold too long, or my heart is getting old and weak.

9. Take care of me when I get old. You too, will grow old.

10. Go with me on difficult journeys, especially my last journey. Never say: 'I can't bear to watch it', 'let it happen in my absence' or 'I am tired of you'. Everything is easier for me if you are there. Remember, I Love You.

If you are thinking of getting a dog into your home, remember that your dog will be a family member like your own children and you are you are making a commitment to that dog for its lifetime, and will have to look after your dog probably even more than your own children.

Dogs are incredibly loyal and are simply happy just being around you and give you unconditional joy, love and friendship. 

Your dog is your best friend and confidante. 

Remember that – while you can hide your emotions from another human  you cannot hide your emotions from your dog. 

I will like to reiterate once more:

your girlfriend or boyfriend may dump you, 
your spouse may divorce you, 
your children may abandon you, 
your parents may disown you, 
your relatives may distance themselves from you, 
your colleagues may shun you, 
your neighbours may ostracize you, 

but – your dog will always love you  be loyal to you and never leave your side 

(yes  you may try to get rid of your dog – but your dog will always love you and never leave you of its own accord – and your dog will never forget you till his dying day).

So, once the dog joins your family, invest your love and time to build a special bond that only a dog can offer. 

Build a long-term permanent and unique relationship with your dog. 

You will experience Agape Love, unconditional love of the highest order, and enjoy a loyal friendship which you have never experienced with human beings.

You don't have to go in for a fashionable expensive breed. 

You can adopt a stray dog or a mongrel or a mixed breed - they are more hardy and tough than pure breeds. Groom your pet properly, take it to a vet, inoculate it and make it healthy, give a mongrel puppy a home. 

Yes, get a dog. You will be happy you did. 

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.