Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: frustration

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Sunday, February 5, 2017

Happiness Equation – How to be Happy

HOW TO BE HAPPY

THE HAPPINESS EQUATION

Self Help Musings

VIKRAM KARVE

Happiness may be expressed as degree to which you can fulfill your desires.

In a nutshell:

Happiness is the ratio of Desires Fulfilled/Total Number of Desires

Have a look at the “Happiness Equation” below:

Number of Desires Fulfilled

Happiness = --------------------------------------

Total Number of Desires

We can increase our happiness by either:

1. Increasing the Numerator (Fulfilling Your Existing Desires)

2. Decreasing the Denominator (Decreasing the Desires in Your Mind)

The second option is easier.

How do you achieve this...?

How do you decrease your desires...?

It is simple.

Here is a “self help” article I wrote a few years ago on “Desire Management”

HOW TO MANAGE YOUR DESIRES
Philosophical Musings
By
VIKRAM KARVE

DESIRES and HAPPINESS

Over the years I have realized that the Two Main Reasons for Unhappiness are:

1. Dissatisfaction caused by unfulfilled desires

and

2. Anxiety that you will not be able to fulfill your desires in the future

There is a close connection between happiness and desire-satisfaction.

When you get what you want you feel happy and when you do not get what you want you feel unhappy.

Happiness results from getting what you want (desire-satisfaction)

and

Unhappiness results from not getting what you want (desire-frustration)

Therefore, there are two strategies you can pursue with respect to any given desire:

1. You can either strive to fulfill the desire

2. You can try to eliminate the desire

No philosopher has better explored this than Epicurus, a Greek Philosopher of the Third Century BC.

Epicurus (341-270 BC) espoused a strategy for achieving genuine human happiness by:

Emphasizing on the delights of the mind (over which you have control)

and

De-emphasizing the delights derived from material things (which are beyond your personal control).

This desire management strategy will help you scale down your desires to the basic minimum which can easily be satisfied.

Yes, you follow this this two phase desire management strategy:

1. Firstly, you scale down your desires to those desires which are feasible for you to fulfill

after doing that:

2. You satisfy those desires.

This will make you happy since fulfilling a desire creates happiness.

TYPES OF DESIRES

Epicurus distinguishes between 3 types of desires:

1. Natural and Necessary Desires

2. Unnatural and Unnecessary (or Vain and Empty) Desires

3. Natural but Non-necessary Desires

HOW TO DEAL WITH THE THREE TYPES OF DESIRES

Our tendency to happiness (or unhappiness) depends on how we tackle each of these three types of desires.

1. NATURAL and NECESSARY DESIRES

Examples of natural and necessary desires include the desires for food, shelter, health, sense of security and basic physical needs, cravings which will necessarily lead to greater pain if they are not fulfilled.

These basic desires are easy to satisfy yet difficult to eliminate since they are “hard-wired” into human beings naturally and create a sense of well-being when satisfied (eg. “Happiness begins at the stomach” )

Furthermore, natural and necessary desires are necessary for life, and these desires are naturally limited: that is, if one is hungry, it only takes a limited amount of food to fill the stomach, after which the desire is satisfied.

Epicurus says that you should try to satisfy natural and necessary desires.

2. VAIN and EMPTY DESIRES – UNNATURAL and UNNECESSARY DESIRES

Vain, unnatural and unnecessary desires include desires for excessive power, wealth, fame, and other egoistic ambitions which have all the trappings of status and prestige.

Vain desires are difficult to satisfy, in part because they have no natural limit.

If one desires wealth or power, no matter how much one gets, it is always possible to get more, and the more one gets, the more one wants.

These desires are not natural to human beings, but inculcated by society and by false beliefs about what we need.

For example, we falsely believe that being very powerful or wealthy or famous will guarantee us happiness.

In actual fact, Opulence may attract thieves and other dangers, and Power and Fame may attract sycophants.

Yes, such vain desires, which are unnatural and unnecessary, are sure to put you into the spiral of unhappiness.

Epicurus says that such vain and empty desires should be eliminated.

3. NATURAL but NON-NECESSARY DESIRES

An example of a natural but non-necessary desire is the desire for luxury food.

Although food is needed for survival, one does not need rich expensive gourmet food to survive.

Thus, despite his hedonism, Epicurus advocates a surprisingly ascetic way of life.

Although you should not spurn extravagant foods if they happen to be available, becoming dependent on such luxury food (and other luxuries) ultimately leads to unhappiness.

These natural but non-necessary desires are those cravings that are not necessary for life, but give you great happiness.

However, should you become dependent on them, such desires can lead to great unhappiness if they are not fulfilled.

Natural but non-necessary desires are typically recreational in nature and examples of such desires include Sexual Gratification, Friendship, Aesthetic Desires, Entertainment, Social Intercourse, Creative Expression and Intellectual Stimulation, Liberal Arts, Reading, Social Networking, Sports, Travel etc

In the case of natural but non-necessary desires you must approach life like a banquet.

Think of your life as if it were a banquet where you would behave graciously.

When a dish is passed to you, extend your hand and help yourself to a moderate portion.

If a dish should pass you by then enjoy what is already on your plate.

And if a dish has not been passed to you yet you must patiently wait for your turn.

In the same way as described above, you must treat your desires in the same way as you deal with food in a sit down dinner banquet.

CONCLUSION

To paraphrase Epicurus:

If you wish to make a man truly Happy

DO NOT GIVE HIM MORE MONEY

rather

If you really want to make a man Happy

TRY TO TEACH HIM HOW TO REDUCE HIS DESIRES

The Epicurean Philosophy of Life recommends that you must strive to do two things:

1. Eliminate the unhappiness caused by unfulfilled desires

and

2. Reduce the anxiety that occurs because of the fear that your desires will not be fulfilled in the future

Adopting this wise Epicurean philosophy of life will enable you to attain tranquility and enjoy everlasting happiness.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
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Disclaimer:

All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Frustration Management : Humor in Uniform

HUMOUR IN UNIFORM

FRUSTRATION MANAGEMENT

A Spoof

VIKRAM KARVE

Long back – when I was in the Navy – I once had a terrible Boss.

Every morning – he used to reach office in a foul mood – and he would start shouting at me and everyone else – and this would spoil our mood – and vitiate the office atmosphere for the entire day.

One day I got fed up – and – I complained to the Commanding Officer (CO).

I told the CO how my Boss shouted at me for no rhyme or reason early in the morning every day – how my Boss started shouting and abusing me the moment he reached the office in the morning.

This spoilt the atmosphere in the office for the whole day – and his terrible behaviour was demoralizing me and affecting my health.

I told the CO that I did not want to serve under this individual – and I asked for a transfer out of the department.

The CO refused my request.

He asked me to try and understand the situation.

The CO told me that my Boss had a very unhappy family life – and this caused a lot of pent up frustration and anger within him.

Hence – my Boss took out all his “bottled-up anger” by shouting at me – the moment he reached office.

The CO told me ignore the ranting of my boss – and he offered me this rational explanation:

“People who are unhappy at home vent out their frustrations at work – they shout at their subordinates and colleagues. Your Boss is unhappy at home – so – the moment he comes to office – he shouts at you – and he vents out his domestic frustrations...” the CO explained.

“Sir – conversely – can it be argued – that those individuals who are unhappy in office – and those who are frustrated at work – do they go home and release their pent up anger and take it out on their wives and families...?” I asked.

“Yes – that is true – I have seen some persons who are unhappy at work venting out their bottled-up work frustrations at home...” the CO said.

I looked at the CO – and I asked him, tongue-in-cheek:

“Sir – what about those people who are unhappy at both places – work and home – persons who are unhappy at work and also unhappy at home...?”

The CO looked at me curiously – and he asked me: “Are there really such persons who are unhappy both at home and work...? Well – I really don’t know what they do.”

I said to the CO: “I will tell you what they do, Sir.”

“Go ahead,” he said, “tell me.”

So – I said to him:

“People who are frustrated at work and who also have an unhappy family life – they take out their frustrations and vent out their pent up anger while commuting to work and back home – to and fro – they vent out their home anger while driving to work – and – they vent out their work frustrations while driving back home from work...”

“Really...?”

“Yes, Sir – these are the “road-rage” types who are always on a short-fuse and holler at the slightest instance at their fellow travellers in the traffic and even at their vehicles.”

Dear Reader – so now you know the reason for “Road Rage”

If you see some persons losing their cool while driving to work – and also while driving back home – please sympathize with these road-rage types – they have an unhappy family life – and – they also have a frustrated work life – poor things!

VIKRAM KARVE

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

Revised Version of my story ROAD RAGE posted online in this blog earlier at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2011/11/road-rage.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/04/road-rage.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/10/how-to-release-your-bottled-up-anger.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/07/humor-in-uniform-anger-management.html etc

Sunday, November 10, 2013

UNDERSTANDING HUMAN BEHAVIOUR - YOUR NEEDS INFLUENCE YOUR BEHAVIOUR

UNDERSTANDING HUMAN BEHAVIOUR

YOUR NEEDS INFLUENCE YOUR BEHAVIOUR

VIKRAM KARVE

You see a man driving his car very fast, quite dangerously.

You wonder why he is doing so, why he is behaving in this reckless way.

Well, there can be many reasons for his behaviour.

Maybe he is driving fast to experience a sense of thrill (to satisfy his need for excitement).

Or he may be driving fast to save time (to satisfy his need for urgency)

Or maybe he is driving fast to reach his destination in time (to satisfy his need for punctuality)

The same action may have different motives depending on the need you want to satisfy at that point of time.

This is one simple example, but all your behaviour is governed by your intrinsic motivation to satisfy your needs.

Motivation is a psychological drive that arouses you to act in a certain way to achieve your desired goal which is satisfaction of your needs.

Thus, motivation is the psychological driving force that stimulates goal directed behaviour towards your desired goal.

Remember: Your desired goal is the “satisfaction of your need”.

For example, hunger is a motivation that elicits a desire to eat and satisfies your need for food, or, at a very basic level, your need for survival.

SIXTEEN (16) BASIC NEEDS THAT INFLUENCE HUMAN BEHAVIOUR

According to Professor Steven Reiss there are 16 basic desires or needs that guide nearly all human behaviour.

Here is the list of 16 basic needs that influence your behaviour (in alphabetical order):

1. Acceptance, the need for approval

2. Curiosity, the need to learn

3. Eating, the need for food

4. Family, the need to raise children

5. Honour, the need to be loyal to the traditional values of your country/clan/religion/ethnic group/profession/society

6. Idealism, the need for social justice

7. Independence, the need for individuality

8. Order, the need for organization – for organized, stable, predictable environments

9. Physical activity, the need for exercise

10. Power, the need for influence of will

11. Romance, the need for sex and for beauty

12. Saving, the need to collect

13. Social Contact, the need for friends (peer relationships)

14. Social Status, the need for social standing (importance in society or at the workplace)

15. Tranquility, the need to be safe

16. Vengeance, the need to strike back, to retaliate, to take revenge for perceived injustice

PROCESS OF MOTIVATED BEHAVIOUR

Of course, as you will realize, this list is not all encompassing and there are so many other needs that influence your behaviour.

Some of these “needs” are tangible, and some are intangible.

Why do you behave in the way you do?

You behave in a certain way to satisfy your needs.

FOUR STEP BEHAVIOUR PATTERN

The process of human behaviour can be summarized in four steps:

1. A need is aroused within you

2. You behave in a way to satisfy the need

3. The need is satisfied

4. You relax

Hence, it is your needs that influence your behaviour.

The way in which you behave to satisfy your needs depends on your values, attitude and mindset at that point of time.

Yes, it is your values and mindset which will influence you to behave in a “certain way” to satisfy your needs in a given situation.

Your behaviour is value-driven and situation-specific.

For example, the need for romance will be satisfied by different persons each in their own unique way depending on their values and the situation.

Some may satisfy their need for romance by indulging in platonic love whereas others may resort to physical sex.

From the moment a need is aroused and till it is satisfied you will be in a state of tension which will “motivate” your behaviour.

Yes, during the period between “need arousal” and “need satisfaction” you will experience a sense of tension, a condition of unrest or uneasiness, which will propel you to behave in a certain way.

Once the need is satisfied you will relax.

Needs can be immediate, short term or long term.

When you cannot satisfy a need you will experience feelings of frustration.

HOW FRUSTRATION AFFECTS YOUR BEHAVIOUR

The degree of your frustration will be related to the magnitude of the unsatisfied need.

Your frustration will affect your behaviour and may cause you to behave in different ways.

You may find a new and acceptable way of reducing or substituting the (unsatisfied) need in order to make it attainable (adaptive response)

Or, you may continue futile efforts to achieve the unattainable need (maladaptive response)

One of the typical maladaptive responses to frustration is aggression. Another is to go into depression or indulge in negative activities like alcohol addiction.

CONCLUSION

Reflect on your own behaviour in the past few days (or recall some of your own memorable behavioural fiascoes or those you have witnessed).

Explore the dynamics between needs and behaviour.

Is there a connection between your values and mindset and way you behaved in certain situations?

Your “needs” influence your behaviour

Do you agree?

Please comment and let us know.

VIKRAM KARVE

Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this book review.

Disclaimer:

All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

NB:

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About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

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Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve

Sunday, February 5, 2017

Happiness Equation – How to be Happy

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Frustration Management : Humor in Uniform

Sunday, November 10, 2013

UNDERSTANDING HUMAN BEHAVIOUR - YOUR NEEDS INFLUENCE YOUR BEHAVIOUR

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