Saturday, June 10, 2017

Humor in Uniform – “Married” to the Navy

Humor in Uniform – “Married” to the Navy

This evening I met a young man who was studying in the final year of his Engineering degree.

He was keen on joining the Navy. 

“I am very keen on joining the Navy...” he said. 

“That’s good...” I said. 

“But – there is a problem...” he said. 

“Problem...?” 

“Sir – I am in love with a girl – she is my classmate – we are in a relationship for the last 3 years and we intend getting married...” he said. 

“So whats the problem...? You may have to wait till you are 25 – or if you are that desperate – you can take special permission and get married before 25 – after you finish your training...” 

“My girlfriend doesn’t want me to join the Navy. I tried to convince her – but she is adamant. She said that she will not marry me if I join the Navy...” he said

“So – you will have to choose between your girlfriend and the Navy...” I said, “You can either get married to your girlfriend – or – you can get “married” to the Navy – since – you can’t get “married” to both...” 

And then – I told him this story...

“MARRIED” TO THE NAVY 
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE 

MARRIED TO THE NAVY

I once knew a very ambitious Naval Officer.

He was a total careerist – he had no other interests.

His favourite line was: 

“I am Married to the Navy”.

He would have been happy to remain a bachelor all his life and focus all his attention totally on his Naval career – and achieve his sole aim of becoming an Admiral.

But – his parents insisted that he get married.

So – he agreed to see a girl.

He honestly told the girl about his career ambitions.

He clearly told her that his Navy career would come first above everything else.

He made it clear that even his family would be secondary to his career.

And he emphatically quoted his favourite dialogue: 

“I am Married to the Navy”.

The girl liked this career-conscious officer mainly since he did not have any vices.

The Naval Officer was a strict teetotaller and non-smoker – yes  he did not touch alcohol or tobacco – which was a rarity in the Navy those days.

And – even as other major and minor “Naval Vices were concerned  he was quite unlike most other sailors.  

The girl thought he would change after marriage.

She was sure he would “accommodate” her as the “other woman” in his “marriage” with the Navy.

She was okay with his being married to the Navy  as long as he treated her as his “mistress”.

She was wrong.

This devoted sailor was strictly a “one woman man”.

He was so loyally and devotedly “Married to the Navy – that he had no time for “other woman” – his lawfully wedded human wife.

Fed up of being neglected  she (the “other woman”) walked out of the marriage  so that her husband could devote himself to his “first wife” (Navy).

By the way  in contrast to the above story  I have seen some Navy Wives who actively help their Naval husbands achieve success in their Naval careers by willingly playing second fiddle.

Such ambitious Naval Wives are ready to go to any extent to promote the careers of their husbands.

So – if you are thinking of marrying a Navy officer – of a Military fauji officer – remember the moral of this story: 

NEVER MARRY A MAN WHO IS MARRIED TO THE NAVY 

In general – Never Marry a Man who is “Married” to his Job.

Also – for Men – Never Marry a Woman who is “Married” to her Job. 

Well  that was the Naval Yarn. 

Now – let me fast forward to the present and tell you my sob story.


WIFE AND MISTRESS (THE OTHER WOMAN)

Now  I am facing a similar predicament.

Till I was in the Navy I had only one woman in my marriage  and that was my lawfully wedded wife

(Unlike the ambitious careerist Naval Officer mentioned above  I was not “Married” to the Navy).

But ever since I retired from the Navy and I became a Creative Writer and Blogger  I am in a quandary.

Sometimes  I feel the same way as the famous writer Anton Chekhov (a doctor by profession)  who so aptly expressed his dilemma in a letter to a friend:

“Medicine is my lawful wife  and  Literature is my mistress. 

When I get fed up with one  I spend the night with the other. 

Though it is irregular  it is less boring this way  and besides  neither of them loses anything through my infidelity.”

In my case – ever since I have retired from the Navy  my wife is my lawful wife  and my writing is my mistress.

Or  is the other way round...?

I really don’t know.

It is difficult to live a dual life.

I have never had a mistress before  so I really do not know how to simultaneously handle a “wife” and a “mistress”.

Ever since I acquired this “mistress” of writing  my wife has started cribbing. 

My wife hates my “mistress”.

But now that I am bitten by the “writing bug” – I love my “mistress” deeply  and I cannot get rid of her.

Of course – I do not want to get rid of my much married darling wife of more than 35 years too.

Maybe my wife may dump me as she hates my writing.

She may give me an ultimatum to get rid of my “writing mistress”  asserting that there can be only one woman in a marriage.

I love my wife  and I love my “mistress” too.

Soon  I may start writing my ambitious novel – so I will have to devote a lot of attention to my “mistress”.

How will my wife react...?

It is going to be a difficult life.

Will I be able to “handle” both my wife and my “mistress”...?

Can they both coexist in harmony...?

I don’t know what to do.

I seek your advice  especially if you are one of those lucky ones who have the dexterity to simultaneously handle a wife and a mistress (the other woman).

Maybe you have been one of those fortunate ones to have a “girl in every port” – so – you can give me some tips on how to coexist in harmony with a wife and a mistress (the other woman)


DO YOU LOVE YOUR JOB MORE THAN YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE/HUSBAND...?

I always tell my “Married to the Navy” friends that they must always have a “mistress” to fall back upon  because  the Navy is a very unreliable wife – who can suddenly dump you when you least expect it. 

Yes – the Navy is is a very unreliable wife” who can suddenly dump you anytime when you least expect it

The Navy is a “wife” who expects you to be loyal unto death  but does not necessarily offer you the same loyalty in return.

We have seen so many “Married to the Navy” type Officers being unceremoniously “dumped” – not only Junior and Mid-Level Officers  but Senior Officers and Admirals too – even a Navy Chief.

That is why  instead of being “Married to the Navy” – it is better to be married to your human wife.

And  tell me: 

Isn’t it better to treat the Navy like a “mistress” with whom you can enjoy for as long as you want  and then – you say goodbye whenever you want to and part ways amicably...?

Isn’t it wise to treat your job as a “mistress” or “lover” – with whom you can have a good time  and – then breakup when either you are fed up of your job (or the job is fed up you)...?

Isn’t it dangerous to be “Married to the Navy”...?

There is Double Risk” if you are “Married to the Navy” (“Married to your Job”):

1. Your Human Wife may get fed up of being neglected  and – she may dump you.

2. One day  the Navy is sure to dump you too 

(Yes – your Job is sure to dump you one day)

And then  after you are dumped” by both your wife and your job – you will be left high and dry

(This applies to workaholic women too – who love their jobs more than they love their husbands)

The moral of the story is simple:

Workaholics Beware.

Never get “married to your job.

Treat your job like a “mistress” or “lover”  to enjoy – to have a good time  and then  dump – or get dumped  and move on. 

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
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Disclaimer:
1. This blog post is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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