Tuesday, May 24, 2016

“Quack” in Uniform – “SIQ”

Humor in Uniform

SIQ
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE 


SIQ” – Story of a “Quack” in Uniform – A Spoof by Vikram Karve


A fellow Navy Officer once took his 3 year old daughter to the IAT Pune MI Room.
MI Room stands for Medical Inspection Room – that’s what they call a Military Medical Healthcare Clinic in the Army and Air Force. 
In the Navy  “MI Room” is called “Sick Bay”.
Those days there was a Lady Doctor  a Major of the Army Medical Corps (AMC)  posted to IAT Pune as the Medical Officer. 
A Navy Officer had taken his 3 year old daughter to the IAT Pune MI Room because the Naval Officer’s small daughter had severe loose motions (diarrhoea).
The moment he entered the lady doctor’s office-cum-clinic  the Army Lady Doctor looked up at my friend’s face  and – she shouted at him: 
“Why are you coming here and disturbing me...? How many days SIQ (Sick in Quarters) do you want...? Just go to the office and tell the attendant whatever SIQ you want. He will fill it up – and  you can take the SIQ slip from there. I have already signed and kept blank SIQ slips over there in the office.”
The stunned Naval Officer told the Lady Army Medical Officer: 
“Nothing is wrong with me. I am perfectly fit for duties. I don’t want SIQ.”
“Then why have you come here to the MI Room...?” the Army Lady Doctor asked him.
The Naval Officer pointed to his 3 year old daughter  and  he said to the lady doctor: 
“My daughter has got loose motions.”
The Lady Army Medical Officer looked down from the officer’s face to his tiny daughter holding his hand and standing below him.
Suddenly  the Lady Medical Officer got excited  and  she said: 
“Loose motions can be very serious – especially in children. You must take her to the Military Hospital (MH) immediately. I will call the ambulance and fill up her hospital admission form. You rush and take her to the Military Hospital Khadakwasla  or  better still  you take her to Command Hospital (CH) Pune – I am sure there will be some child specialists over there.”
Accordingly – my friend took his daughter to the Pediatrician in CH Pune. The Pediatrician examined the small girl and he said to my friend: “Why did you bring your small daughter all the way to Command Hospital for a simple case of diarrhoea...? Your local Medical Officer could have treated this easily.
A few days later  at a party  the Army Lady Doctor tried to rationalize her actions  and  she said to my friend: 
“You look so young  I did not realise that you are on the Staff – I am sorry I mistook you for an Army Course Officer. You see  most of the Army Officers have come to IAT Pune for a training course after a hectic field posting. They consider IAT as an Rest and Recreation (R&R) posting – an opportunity for Rest and Recreation. The Officers want to relax over here with their families and enjoy this peace tenure. So  they mostly come to the MI Room for SIQ chits – because – once I declare them SIQ (Sick in Quarters) – they can relax at home and spend quality time with their families.”
We nicknamed the Army Lady Doctor in Uniform as: “SIQ Quack  – or  more charitably – the “SIQ” Medical Officer

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
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Disclaimer:
1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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