Friday, May 20, 2016

Gender Dilemma of a Woman in a Man’s Profession

HUMOR IN UNIFORM

MACHO WOMAN
Gender Dilemma of a Woman in a Man’s Profession
A Fictional Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE 

MACHO WOMAN – A Fictional Spoof by Vikram Karve 

“Good evening.”

“Good evening, Sir.”

“May I join you?”

“Of course, Sir.”

“There is a party going on outside  and you are sitting here all alone in the bar  drinking Rum  and drowning your sorrows. Come on outside and enjoy the party.”

“Please, Sir. It you could please excuse me. I am feeling a bit low.”

“I know. He told me. That is why I have come to talk to you.”

“He told you, Sir?”

“Yes. He told me that you proposed marriage to him  you asked him to marry you  and  he turned you down. I know that you are feeling really bad. But – tell me  is drowning your sorrows in alcohol going to solve your problem...?”

“I love him, Sir. I thought he loved me too. His rejection has shattered me, Sir.”

“He is feeling bad too. In fact  he is feeling so guilt-ridden and embarrassed  that he has requested for an immediate transfer from here  even if he is posted to a field area. He told me your proposal for marriage came as a complete surprise.”

“Surprise? We have been such good friends  and we got along so well. I thought he would love to marry me  and – I felt that maybe he was feeling shy to propose to me. So  I asked him to marry me. I thought he would be delighted. I was sure he would say ‘YES’ – but – I was totally shocked when he said  ‘NO – and – he refused marriage my proposal. I just don’t know why he does not want to marry me.”

“Tell me  how many men want to marry macho women...? How many men want a masculine wife who gives their machismo a competition...? I think you intimidate him by your demeanour.” 

“I don’t understand, Sir.”

“He told me he likes you as a friend  as a buddy  but  he cannot visualize you as a wife.”

“He can’t visualize me as a wife...? Why is that, Sir...?”

“In your endeavour to be “one of the boys”  you have actually started exhibiting male traits – you walk like a man – you talk like a man  you laugh like a man  you dress like a man  you even drink like a man – in fact – in your bearing, your actions, your demeanour  I have noticed that you do almost everything like a man. In your desperate ambition to prove yourself in the Army  you try to outdo the men themselves.”

“But what can I do, Sir...? I am the only Lady Officer in this unit  and  I am surrounded by male officers. And the soldiers are all men. I am a woman in a man’s profession. I must project a tough image.”

“Tough image...? So  that is why you are putting on an act  and – you are trying to pose as a “macho” man...? You know  sometimes  image can become reality. This can be dangerous. Remember one thing. When a woman tries to masquerade as a man  sometimes  she may land up being a He-Woman.”

“He-Woman...?”

“Yes. That’s what they have nicknamed you. They call you ‘He-Woman’...!”

“Sir – do the Officers of this unit call me ‘He-Woman’...?

Yes.

“That is terrible, Sir. Why should they make fun of me like that...?”

“By the way  tell me  were you shopping at the Mall on Sunday evening...? There was a gang of girls with you, isn’t it?”

“Yes, Sir. I had gone out with my college friends.”

“You all had plenty of ice cream at the food court.”

“Yes, Sir. How do you know?”

“I was there.”

“But I didn’t see you, Sir.”

“But  I did notice you. You were looking so pretty in that bright red dress. You are so fair, so good-looking  that any bright colour suits you so well. I must say that I never imagined you can look so beautiful.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

“Then why do you deglamorize yourself when you are in the unit...? Why do you go out of your way to look like a ‘Plain Jane’...? And  that too  like a macho type masculine looking ‘Plain Jane’...?

“Sir  how can I deck up in uniform...?”

“No one is asking you to ‘deck up in uniform. And  I know you have to dress a bit soberly out here in the officers mess in the evenings too. I am just asking you bring out the girl hiding inside you. Just be yourself. There is no need to put on a macho act and try to look harsh. That’s why you are becoming a He-Woman. Nature has made you a woman. Why are you trying to be a man? Why don’t you be your natural self? Why don’t you just be the normal woman you are? There is no need to put on a fake macho act. You are a ‘faujan – why try to be a ‘fauji’...? I hope you understand what I am trying to convey.”  

“Yes, Sir.”

“Well  it is for you to resolve your gender dilemma. You have to decide for yourself. Remember  a He-Man is attracted to She-Woman – not a He-Woman. So  you better start projecting yourself as a She-Woman. But  if you are still adamant on being a He-Woman  then  you better start looking for a ‘She-Man.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“What do you mean ‘Yes Sir’...? Come with me. Let’s go out and join the party.”

“You go ahead, Sir. I’ll go to my room – I will freshen up and get myself organized for the party.”

“Organized...?”

“I’ll put on something good, Sir  a fashionable dress  and  I think I need to doll up myself up and prettify a bit. I want to look beautiful and desirable  like a ‘She-Woman .”

“That’s good. But remember one thing.”

“What, Sir?”

“You are my adjutant. Tomorrow morning  in office  I want my ‘He-Woman back in action...!”

VIKRAM KARVE
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Disclaimer:
1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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