Plain Jane

Recently – a witty “girlfriend” cheerfully called me “Dude”.

Am I really a “Dude”…?

Or – am I a “Prude”…?

Well – read this story – and decide for yourself…

“PLAIN JANE”

Fiction Short Story

A Spoof

By

VIKRAM KARVE

PART 1 – “STEALING AFFECTIONS”

The doorbell rang.

I had just returned home – and – I was taking off my uniform.

I wondered who it was.

I put on my uniform – I walked out of the bedroom – and – I opened the door.

It was my wife’s friend Menaka – that chic gorgeous beauty who lived opposite our house.

“My wife is not at home – she has gone to her mother’s place for a week…” I said.

“I know,” Menaka said, “I have come to meet you.”

“Me…?”

“Yes – I want to you to take me out to the city for shopping.”

“Me…? You want me to take you out shopping…?”

“Yes. My husband is out sailing – and – I need some things from town – so I thought I would ask you to take me to the market on your bike…” she said.

She was standing in the door – with the evening sun behind her.

The rays of the sun penetrated through the light fabric of her summery white dress.

I could see the curvaceous silhouette of her shapely body quite clearly.

My eyes travelled over the silhouette of her body – and lingered exactly where they should not have.

I felt ashamed of having eyed her body so brazenly.

So – I quickly moved my eyes away and lowered my glance.

After a few moments – I looked up at her.

She looked so sensuous, so tantalizing, so alluring – that I could not take my eyes away from her.

But – she seemed nonchalant – oblivious of the stirring sensual vibes she was radiating – standing as she was – in her light ‘see-through’ dress – with the sun behind her.

“Are you going to just keep staring at me – or – are you going to invite me inside…?” she said, with a naughty smile.

“Oh – I am very sorry – please come inside…” I said, embarrassed.

She came inside – and she sat on the sofa in the living room.

I stood there – mesmerized – wondering what to do.

“Why don’t you change into civvies…?” she said, “it is already 5:30 – and I have a lot of shopping to do.”

“Yes, Yes…” I said – and I quickly walked into my bedroom.

As I started taking off my uniform – I kept thinking of her – my wife’s friend – the gorgeous Menaka – sitting in the living room – and – my imagination started running wild.

Her husband was away.

My wife was away.

She was lonely.

I was lonely.

We both were lonesome.

Anything could happen.

First – she would sit behind me on my motorcycle – holding me tight.

Then – we would have a ‘good time’ in the city – shopping, eating, and walking around – and – maybe – she would ask me to take her for a movie.

When we returned back – it would be late – so – maybe – she would me invite me to her home for dinner.

Then – maybe – she would offer me a drink – and – maybe – she would join me for a drink.

(Yes – I had seen her drinking at parties).

Then – as we sat together – one drink would lead to another – and – sitting together in an atmosphere of intimacy – with our inhibitions dissolved in alcohol – anything could happen. 

Yes – anything could happen.

She was very attractive – and – I wouldn’t mind having an affair with her – but – I did not have the guts to do so – because – I shuddered to think of the consequences.

My shrewd wife would surely sense that I had indulged in “hanky-panky” – and she would surely divorce me.

Besides – in the Navy – “stealing the affection of a brother officer’s wife” was considered an offence – and – I could be sacked and dismissed from the Navy with disgrace.

It would be a ‘double-whammy’ – both my marriage and my career would be in shambles.

Yes – there was absolutely no point in taking the risk.

So – I buttoned up my uniform – and – I went out into the living room.

Menaka looked at me.

She seemed perplexed to see me still wearing uniform – so – she said to me: “What happened…? Why are you still in uniform…? Why haven’t you changed into ‘civvies’…?”

“I am sorry – but I cannot take you out shopping…” I said.

“But why…? What happened…? Just a few minutes ago – you had readily agreed to take me out shopping…” she said, looking confused.

“No. I am sorry. Please excuse me. I cannot tell you the reason – but – I can’t take you out shopping…” I said, shamefacedly.

“If you don’t want to help me – it’s fine. It’s okay. I’ll ask someone else…” she said, looking disappointed.

Then – Menaka got up from the sofa – and she walked out of my house.

ONE WEEK LATER

PART 2 – “SOCIAL GRACES”

When I came home from work in the evening – I saw that my wife was angry.

“Don’t you have any ‘social graces’…?” my wife thundered.

“What happened…?” I asked.

“I was hugely embarrassed at the Ladies Club Meet – thanks to your stupid behaviour…” my wife said angrily.

“What did I do…?” I asked her.

With scorn in her eyes – my wife rebuked me:

“Menaka asked you to take her out shopping because her husband was sailing out at sea – and – you rudely refused her…? First – you said ‘YES’ – then – you said ‘NO’ – she has told everyone about your ‘unofficerlike’ ungentlemanly behaviour – and – it was so humiliating for me. Because of your weird behaviour you have become the ‘laughing-stock’ among all the naval ladies. And – everyone is laughing at me too for having such an ‘ill-mannered’ ‘nincompoop’ husband. I really don’t know how they made you an officer in the Navy…?

“There is a reason…” I tried to explain.

But – my wife interrupted me and shouted: “Just shut up – I thought Naval Officers were supposed to be chivalrous – and you behaved in a most boorish way with a lady who wanted your help – you are a disgrace – I feel ashamed to be your wife…”

I saw that my wife was so angry that there was no point in my trying to explain my side of the story to her.

It was best for me to remain silent.

My wife went into the kitchen.

I went into the bedroom – changed from uniform into ‘civvies’ – and lay down on my bed.

After some time – my wife informed me that she was going to the market with her friends.

PART 3 – “CHIVALRY”

I relaxed for some time after my wife had left.

Then I got up.

It was getting dark. 

I poured my first drink of Rum and Water (Rum-Paani) – and – I sat down in front of the TV.

I looked at the wall-clock.

One hour had passed since my wife had gone out shopping with her friends.

She would be back soon.

I was enjoying my second drink when the doorbell rang.

“It must be my wife,” I thought – and I opened the door.

It wasn’t my wife.

There was a woman standing at my door.

I did not recognize her.

She was the most ordinary looking woman I had ever seen.

She was not ugly – she just looked prosaic and pedestrian – a real “Plain Jane”.

Yes – she was a “Plain Jane” – a “homely” type of woman.

She was the kind of woman with whom a man could spend time and not feel disloyal to his wife.

Yes – she was the type of woman a wife would readily allow her husband to go out on a date with – and feel safe about it.

“Hi,” she said, “It looks like you haven’t recognized me…”

“I am sorry…” I stammered.

She interrupted me – and she said: “I am Mala – Mrs. ‘XXX’ – we’ve come on posting and we have just shifted to this building last week… ”

“Oh – please come in,” I said to her, “what can I do for you…?”

“No. No. I won’t come in – but – it’s a bit urgent – can you please take me to the market…?”

“Market…?”

“Yes. My husband is out sailing – and I have to get something urgently – from the medical store – it’s very urgent…” she said.

I remembered the previous embarrassing episode with my wife’s beautiful friend Menaka – where I had refused to take Menaka to the city.

And – I remembered my wife’s sermon on ‘social graces’ and ‘chivalry’.

Besides – this “Plain Jane” standing in front of me – Mala – she looked so unexciting and ordinary – that even otherwise – I would have no hesitation in giving her a lift on my bike. 

Also – she was asking me to take her only to the nearby market. 

So – I readily agreed.

Soon – we – Mala and I – we both were riding on my bike on our way to the market.

Mala was holding onto me very tightly.

She may have been ordinarily looking – but – she was quite ‘well endowed’ – and voluptuous too. 

I too – like her – I was on the ‘healthier side’.

So – it was a tight squeeze on the small seat of the bike – and – Mala put both her hands around me and clung onto me tightly – and – our bodies were in close contact – snug together.

On the way – I saw my wife and her friends walking back from the market – so I proudly waved out to my wife.

I was sure my wife would be proud of me for my ‘chivalry’ and ‘social graces’ in helping out a lady.

When I returned home – I saw that my wife was furious.

The moment my wife saw me – she shouted at me: “Where the hell were you taking Mala on your bike…?”

“You know Mala..?”

“Yes. We met this morning at the Ladies Club – but – I am asking you what she was doing with you on your bike – squeezing you in a tight embrace – hugging your body so shamelessly…? It was disgusting – the way you two were clinging onto each other. Tell me. Why was Mala with you on your bike...?”

“She wanted to go to the market…”

“But why did you take her…? She could have walked down to the market herself – like I did…”

“She said that it was urgent…”

“Urgent – My Foot…!!!”

“She wanted to buy something from the medical store. And – you only told me about ‘social graces’ – that I should be ‘chivalrous’ towards ladies…”

“Don’t talk nonsense…”

“Nonsense…? She is such a simple lady…”

“Simple lady…? She is a ‘man-eater’ – she is a ‘nympho’ – she was trying to seduce you…”

“Seduce me…?”

“Yes. She ‘mesmerized’ you – didn’t she…?”

“Mesmerized me…? What are you saying…?”

My wife looked at me – and she said: “Do you know what Mala told me at the Ladies Club Meet this morning…?”

“What…?”

“She said that she could ‘mesmerize’ any man…” 

“ She said that she could ‘mesmerize’ any man…? So...?” 

“I told her that she could not ‘mesmerize’ you – I told her that you were a ‘prude’ – I told her about how you had refused to take Menaka to the city…”

“What…?”

“In fact – it was Menaka who told everyone the story about your strange behaviour – and – everyone laughed...”

“Oh…”

 “And then – Mala boasted that she could easily ‘mesmerize’ you into taking her to the market on your bike...”

“Really…”

“But – everyone said that you would never take Mala on your bike – and – I also said that she would not be able to ‘mesmerize’ you into taking her to the market on your bike...” 

“Oh…” 

“So – Mala dared me to take a bet – and – I took a bet with her…” my wife said.

“Oh – so you are angry because you lost the bet…” I said to my wife.

“No – I am worried that I may lose the second bet…” my wife said.

“Second bet…? You took two bets with Mala…?” I asked my wife.

“Yes. The first bet was that she could ‘mesmerize’ you into taking her for a ride on your bike…”

“Okay. She won that bet. And what was the second bet…?”

“She said that she could ‘seduce’ you…”

EPILOGUE

Did Mala try to ‘seduce’ me…?

Did she succeed in seducing me into having an affair with her…?

Well – Dear Reader – that’s another story.

But – one thing is for sure.

A “Plain Jane” has a more rollicking ‘Love Life’ than a “Beautiful Woman”.

Maybe – you may not agree with me – but this is a “universal truth” I have observed during my college days – and – later – in my adult life too.

Ordinary looking “Plain Janes” have much more ‘Fun’ than those so-called “Sex Bombs” 

You don’t believe me?

Have a look around you – and observe – who is having uninhibited “fun” – who is having a really “good time” – the “Plain Janes” – or – the “Gorgeous Girls”…?

Tell me – Dear Reader:

Am I right – or – am I wrong…?

But – before you go away – please answer the ‘moot question’ I asked you right in the beginning.

Tell me – Dear Reader – do I deserve the to be called a “Dude”…? 

See you soon – with my next “love story”… 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

     

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.