Tuesday, October 28, 2014

HUMOR IN UNIFORM – UNFORGETTABLE CHARACTERS I MET IN THE NAVY – THE “PRIMA DONNA” COMMANDER AND THE “CLUELESS” COMMODORE

HUMOUR IN UNIFORM

UNFORGETTABLE CHARACTERS I MET IN THE NAVY

THE “PRIMA DONNA” COMMANDER AND THE CLUELESS COMMODORE
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE

The Navy is a great place.

You come across all types of individuals.

During my long service in the Navy I met a number of unforgettable characters.

How can I forget the prima donna Commander” (a truly witty officer who always electrified the atmosphere with his piercing wit and repartee) and the Clueless Commodore” (who made our lives miserable thanks to his workaholism).

Here is a story featuring both of them.

THE STORY OF THE “PRIMA DONNA” COMMANDER AND THE CLUELESS COMMODORE
(A Spoof By Vikram Karve)

Once upon a time, long long ago, the “W” department of a Naval Dockyard considered itself numero uno and had become a law unto itself, a dockyard within a dockyard, and its Head, the hot-shot prima donna Commander, thought himself to be the ultimate “cats whiskers”.

Professionally, the prima donna Commander was good, no doubt about it, very efficient in his job, and he was a linguist too, a truly multilingual officer, proficient in over 10 languages, Indian and Foreign.

Highly intelligent, an impatient man always in a hurry, the prima donna Commander was a real eager beaver go-getter, a typical Type “A” personality, who could not suffer fools gladly.

Unfortunately for the prima donna Commander, his boss, the General Manager (GM), a senior Commodore, was quite clueless, slow at decision-making, and wanted everything explained to him in detail again and again.

The GMs style of working irritated the prima donna Commander, so he bypassed his GM, the Clueless Commodore”.

So the hot-shot prima donna Commander interacted directly with the big-wigs in the Command Headquarters and got quick decisions directly from Senior Staff Officers at the Headquarters.

One morning, the GM (Clueless Commodore”) was hugely embarrassed in front of the C-in-C (Admiral) as he seemed clueless about what was going on his own Dockyard whereas the Headquarters Officers were updated and they “educated” the GM in front of everyone about the happenings his own Dockyard.

This was, predictably, thanks to the one-upmanship of the prima donna Commander.

The furious GM came back to his office and called a meeting of all Managers.

As usual, the prima donna Commander did not turn up saying that he was busy.

The Commodore sent his staff officer to personally summon and escort the prima donna Commander to the GM’s Office.

After the prima donna Commander” arrived, the GM read the riot act to all of us.

The Commodore specifically warned us to follow the proper hierarchy channel and not to bypass the chain of command.

Predictably, the prima donna Commander got into an argument with the Clueless Commodore.

Finally, the Commodore lost his temper and shouted at the Commander: “Where I sit – this is the GM’s chair. You come and sit here and you will know how it feels like sitting here…”

Before the Commodore could finish his sentence, the prima donna Commander quickly got up from his seat.

The prima donna Commander” moved swiftly, walked across, and stood behind the Commodore.

“What are you doing?” asked the bewildered Commodore.

I want to know how it feels like sitting on the GM’s chair,” proclaimed the prima donna Commander loudly, gesturing to the Commodore to rise and vacate the GM’s chair.


EPILOGUE

The prima donna Commander got promoted to Captain in his first shot.

But he never occupied the GM’s Chair.

He quit the Navy a few years later to seek greener pastures abroad – and someone told me that he was doing extremely well as an entrepreneur in the civvy street.

Had the prima donna Commander remained in the Navy, he would surely have achieved Flag Rank.

The Clueless Workaholic Commodore literally burnt the midnight oil till his last day of service making everyone miserable, till he finally retired as a Commodore having failed to make it to Flag Rank.

VIKRAM KARVE
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Disclaimer:
1. This yarn is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh. 
2. This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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