Thursday, October 17, 2013

HUMOUR IN UNIFORM - SEEKING APPROVAL

HUMOR IN UNIFORM

SEEKING APPROVAL
A Yarn
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Disclaimer:
Please read this only if you have a sense of humour. This story is a yarn. It is a work of fiction. The characters and setting do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. 

SEEKING APPROVAL - A Yarn by Vikram Karve

“May I come in, Sir?”

“Come in,” I said, and I looked up.

It was the Canteen JCO.

“Sir, I have a problem,” he said.

“Problem?”

“Sir, about the timings on Saturday,” he mumbled.

“Speak up, will you…” I said.

“Sir, on Saturdays the Canteen is open from 10:30 to 12:30.”

“I know,” I said.

“Sir, on Saturday, the bank has a half day and closes at 1 PM – they shut down at 1300 hrs, Sir.”

“So?”

“It takes me more than half an hour to finish counting all the cash, tallying all the bills and reconciling the day’s accounts.”

(This happened in 1985 when everything was done manually)

“Okay. So what? Get to the point,” I said to the Canteen JCO.

“Sir, it gets past 1 o’clock by the time I reach the bank with the cash. The bank is closed so the cashier refuses to accept the cash and I am not able to deposit the cash. So I have to take all the cash home and keep it with me for the weekend till Monday and I feel it is very risky for me to keep so much money at home,” he said.

“So what do you want me to do? What’s the solution?”

“Sir, if we could change the Canteen Timings on Saturdays from 10:15 to 12:15…?”

“Why 10:15 to 12:15 – change it from 10:00 to 12:00 – that will give you enough time to count the cash and deposit it in the bank by 1300 hrs,” I said, “As it is, I have seen those bank buggers start downing shutters at 12:45 itself on Saturdays.”

“Thank you, Sir – I will put up a file for approval,” the Canteen JCO said.

“What bloody file for approval? Just paint the new timings on the board outside the canteen and implement the new timings from this Saturday onwards,” I shouted.

Two months later I was summoned to the Dean’s Office – the Dean wanted to see me urgently.

The Dean, a Major General, was seated on his Chair, and sitting opposite him was the OC Adm, a Colonel.

The Dean asked me sit down on the vacant chair.

“You changed the CSD Canteen timings?” the Dean asked.

“Yes, Sir,” I said.

“Why?”

I told him the reason – about the problem of depositing cash in the bank.

“Okay,” the Dean said.

“Sir, Sir,” blurted the OC Adm, “he changed the timings without proper authority.”

“What authority?” I said, looking at the OC Adm.

“Who gave you the authority to change the timings?” the OC Adm went on and on.

“The Dean gave me the authority,” I said.

“What?” the OC Adm asked, his mouth open in surprise.

“The Dean has delegated his authority to me when he appointed me as the Officer-in-Charge of the Canteen. So I have full authority for the day to day running of the canteen,” I said to the OC Adm.

“Sir, see how rudely he speaks – we should take disciplinary action against him,” the OC Adm said to the Dean.

“What disciplinary action?” I asked in amazement.

Then I looked at the Dean and I said, “Sir, the canteen timings have been changed more than two months ago and everything is running fine. And this clueless OC Adm wakes up now?”

“Clueless? Sir, I am a senior full Colonel and he is calling me clueless!” the OC Adm protested excitedly.

“Enough!” the Dean raised his voice; then he looked at me and said, “This is not the bloody Navy where you can do what you like. Just put up a file to me through OC Adm for ex post facto approval of the new timings.”

(As I told you earlier this happened more than 28 years ago, in 1985, in IAT, a tri-service training institution where I had just been appointed as faculty and had been promptly given the “bum job” of running the CSD Canteen. Though IAT was an inter-service establishment, it was run army style – the Head was the Director and Dean, a Major General, referred to as “The Dean”, with OC Adm and GSO 1 (Training) as his two flunkeys who tried to throw their weight around and browbeat the teaching faculty who were busy performing the primary training task for which IAT existed)

In the evening, there was a party on the lawns of the officers’ mess.

I was drinking in a quiet corner when the Dean walked up to me.

“Good evening, Sir,” I said.

“Good evening – I see that you are doing a good job running the canteen. My wife tells me that you’ve introduced a lot of new items – and I know you have tightened up on liquor pilferage as well,” he said.

“Thank you, Sir,” I said.

Then, emboldened by the “Dutch Courage” due to the alcohol flowing in my veins, I said to the Dean, “Sir, do you really want me to seek your approval for each and every thing – I think you should give me a free hand.”

“Oh that…!” the Dean said – the General enjoyed his drinks and I could see that he was in good spirits too.

“Your OC Adm bullshitted me this afternoon and told me I must take approval for everything.”

“I know – he is quite a stickler. But you don’t worry – just do what you want but don’t forget to send a file for approval through OC Adm – I know that he is just a post office but it will satisfy his ego,” the Dean said.

“Aye, Aye, Sir.”

Then the Dean looked at me and said, “If I tell you something about the OC Adm, will you keep it to yourself and do you promise not to laugh?”

“About OC Adm?”

“Do you know how this bloody clueless OC Adm screws up my happiness even at night – the bugger sometimes rings me up late at night to seek my approval?” the Dean said.

“He calls you up late at night – to seek approval?” 

“Yes – he wants my approval to make love to his own wife.”

(The Dean tapped my shoulder and walked away before I burst out laughing. And yes, he used a much more profane word for the euphemism “make love”)

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved. 

Disclaimer:
All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
NB:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

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About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional  and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
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Email: vikramwamankarve@gmail.com
Twitter: @vikramkarve
      
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
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