BONELESS MUTTON
The Navy
Gets the Gravy and The Army Gets the Beans
A Naval
Yarn
By
VIKRAM KARVE
There is a hilarious
song in the classic 1950s Comedy Movie “At War With The Army” starring Dean
Martin and Jerry Lewis with the lyrics “The Navy Gets the Gravy and The Army
Gets the Beans” sung by Jerry Lewis.
In the
anecdote I am going to narrate the “navy” was indeed getting the “gravy” while
a freeloader was getting the “beans”.
It was in the
latter half of the year 1980, I think, that I was doing the “bum job” of
Wardroom Mess Secretary in a Stone Frigate (a shore establishment)
[As I have
told you earlier in the Navy you’ve got to be the Jack of all Trades but the
Master of One].
We were served
mutton twice a week and I noticed that the mutton curry was full of bones and
there was hardly any meat.
The other
in-living officers had also been complaining about the lack of meat pieces in
the “bony curry”.
This was
surprising since we bought quite a generous quantity of mutton and as per my
calculations each diner should have got portion of at least 200 grams of mutton
which is quite a sizeable quantity.
On inquiry the
steward told me that the PMC was taking three kilograms of mutton on payment
every week from the Wardroom.
(This
facility was available to outliving members since the town was quite far away.
They gave their demands and we included them in the purchase of meat,
vegetables etc).
“But surely
you include this amount when you purchase mutton, don’t you?” I asked.
“Yes, Sir,”
the steward said, “but he wants Boneless Mutton. He has told me to remove the
bones and only then weigh the mutton. But he is to be charged for only three
kilograms at the market rate. Sir, the weight of the bones is roughly half the
total weight and that is why you all get more bones in the curry.”
“Oh,” I said,
understanding his game, “call me the next time you buy mutton.”
On D-Day I
asked him weigh 6 kilograms of mutton.
Then I asked
him to remove the bones and weigh the boneless mutton.
As I estimated
the boneless mutton weighed roughly 3 kilograms.
“Send the 3
Kilograms of the boneless mutton to his house. Charge him for 6 Kilograms of
mutton. And yes, remember to keep the 3 kilograms of bones carefully in the
freezer. In case he complains you just tell him what I did and give him his 3
kilograms of bones,” I said.
We did this
for three weeks.
As I expected,
at the end of the month, when the mess bills were distributed, the PMC came
rushing to the mess complaining that he had been overcharged and he was
promptly offered the sizeable amount of carefully preserved bones (which were
rightfully his, since he had paid for them).
Within a few
days it dawned on the powers-that-be that I was overburdened with my main work
and it was not fair to make me perform mess secretary duties. A suitable
morally pliable officer was appointed as the new Mess Secretary.
I have seen
this happening often – the moment someone attains a high rank he thinks that it
his prerogative to freeload.
Yes, Rank Has
Its Privileges (RHIP), but I am sure RHIP does not mean that you have the licence
to make your juniors pay for what you consume and become a freeloader at
someone else’s expense.
There is no
free lunch.
Whenever you
eat or drink something, someone has to pay for it.
If you don’t
pay for what you consume, then either your juniors, or the organisation, or someone
else has to pay for what you consume.
Freeloading
may be petty corruption but it is the first step on the road to grand
corruption.
As Lao Tzu wrote
in Tao Te Ching: The journey of a thousand
miles begins with one step
This is true
of corruption as well – the journey to grand corruption starts with petty
corruption like freeloading.
VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
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About Vikram Karve
A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a large number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.
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