RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT - Using The JOHARI WINDOW TO BUILD TRUST AND REDUCE TRUST DEFICIT IN A RELATIONSHIP

TRUST - The Bedrock of a Good Relationship

HOW TO BUILD TRUST AND REDUCE TRUST DEFICIT IN A RELATIONSHIP

RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT

Using The JOHARI WINDOW TO BUILD TRUST AND REDUCE TRUST DEFICIT IN A RELATIONSHIP 

By

VIKRAM KARVE

From my Academic (Management Lecture) and Self Help Archives:

For many years I used to teach and lecture on the applications of the JOHARI WINDOW in various aspects of management, especially in project management and all facets of relationship management.

My observations for many years made me realize that one of the major problems in relationships, both personal and professional, at home and at work, is the increasing TRUST DEFICIT.

 

So, a few months ago I wrote an article on how to reduce TRUST DEFICIT (and build Mutual Trust) using the JOHARI WINDOW.

On the request of some of my friends I am posting the article below once again. 

As always, I will appreciate your comments, views and feedback.

TRUST and RELATIONSHIPS

“Should I tell my would-be spouse everything about my past?”

“Should I share my sexual past with my soon-to-be spouse?”

“Should you tell your spouse about your ex?”

These are common questions which arise in the minds of young people and you can see so many about-to-be married youngsters asking similar questions to “agony aunts”.

Conventional wisdom says that the answer is: “Yes. It is best to be open and honest with your spouse. Be transparent and do not hide anything. There should be no secrets between husband and wife.”

But, to my surprise I have seen some “agony aunts” giving advice that being totally honest may not always be desirable and it would be wise to hide your past affairs.”

I find this quite shocking. 

Trust is the bedrock of any relationship, especially a lifelong relationship like marriage – in fact, trust is the cement that bonds the marriage. 

Once trust is broken, the “cement” holding together the bonds will disintegrate and the marriage will collapse like a pack of cards. 

How can you build a marriage on the foundations of mistrust?

There is one more danger if you hide things and keep secrets from your spouse. 

You will forever live under the fear of being found out, and the “fear of being found out”is a terrible fear which causes great internal stress which can be detrimental to your health, both physical and mental. This, in turn, will adversely affect the marital relationship.

Trust deficit has the potential to totally destroy a relationship, and even if it does not totally destroy a relationship, trust deficit will certainly inhibit the relationship from realizing its full potential.

There is a Marathi Serial currently running on Zee TV Marathi called Tu Tithe Mee which depicts the dangers of hiding your past from your spouse. 

The story of Tu Tithe Mee portrays in dramatic fashion how a marriage can crumble once a husband unexpectedly finds out secrets about his wife’s past life that his wife has hidden from him – the story shows how even the smallest seed of mistrust can amplify into a demon of suspicion and create huge distrust which can shake the very foundations of marriage.

It is not only in marriage but trust is the essential ingredient in any successful relationship. 

Whether that relationship is between two people, between husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, between friends, between parents and children, between relatives, between neighbours and acquaintances or within a family.

Even at the workplace, for optimal functioning, trust is a must between boss and subordinate, between peers and colleagues, in project teams, in business and partnerships, in customer relationship management (CRM), and all professional relationships.

In our daily life in Society too, whether it be in the social community, in sports teams, and at schools and colleges, between teachers and students, or a relationship in any facet of life.

At the macro level too, trust between the citizens and the government is essential for effective and efficient functioning of governance. 

Trust is the cardinal element that allows the relationship to function effectively.

That is why it is sad to see “Trust Deficit” everywhere. 

People do not trust each other anymore. 

Yes, Humans do not implicitly trust each other now-a-days. 

You can see absolute and total trust only in canine-human relationships – yes, dogs unconditionally trust their human masters and and most human beings trust their pet dogs too.

How can we reduce trust deficit? 

How can we enhance mutual trust?

Well, there is a management tool called JOHARI WINDOW which can help. 

HOW TO USE THE JOHARI WINDOW TO ENHANCE MUTUAL TRUST AND TO REDUCE TRUST DEFICIT

The concept of the Johari Window is relatively simple. 

Assume that you are the wife (self).

There are things about yourself that you know and there are things about yourself that you don’t know.

Also, there are things about you that your husband knows and there are things about you that your husband does not know.

Now it is the same with your husband (other). 

There are things about himself that he knows and there are things about himself that he does not know. 

Also, there are things about him that you know and there are things about him that you don’t know.

Now put yourself in the place of Self and put your husband in the place of Other and have a look at the picture below (called Johari Window based on contraction of the names Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham who developed this tool to help people understand and improve their interpersonal relationships). 

The TRUST in a relationship is directly proportional to the OPEN Area 

The other areas (HIDDEN, BLIND AND UNKNOWN) are sources of TRUST DEFICIT. 

Hence, in order to enhance TRUST  and reduce TRUST DEFICIT all you have to do is to increase the OPEN area (also called Arena) and reduce the HIDDEN Area (also called Facade) by Disclosure (Telling) and also reduce the BLIND area (also called Blind Spot) by obtaining Feedback (Asking). 

The UNKNOWN Area will also start reducing over time as the bonds of your mutual relationships become stronger and stronger and you get to know each other better and better.

TELL (disclosure) each other and ASK (feedback) each other and give yourself TIME together to reduce the hidden, blind and unknown areas respectively.


 



Here is how the Johari Windows will look before and after:

BEFORE

JOHARI WINDOW AT THE BEGINNING OF THE RELATIONSHIP 

[Open Area or Arena Represents TRUST and the other three areas (Blind, Facade, Unknown) represent TRUST DEFICIT]

AFTER

JOHARI WINDOW AFTER YOU WORK ON THE RELATIONSHIP
[Notice how the Open Area of Arena (TRUST) has increased and the other three areas (TRUST DEFICIT) are reduced]

So now you know what you must do in order to reduce Trust Deficit in a relationship.

Whether it is a home or at work or any other relationship.  

Just sit together and work on Johari Window. 

Both of you must use Self Disclosure and Feedback to enhance Mutual Trust and reduce Trust Deficit and consequently improve your relationship. 

After you succeed in a one-on-one (two person) situation, you can extend this technique to multiple participants too.

This works for me. 

Why don’t you try out the JOHARI WINDOW and see if it works for you. 

Try it out with your boss and colleagues at work. If you are in the service industry try it out with your customers, and if you are in business, try it out in your business relationships.

Try it out at home with your spouse and kids. 

If you are in a relationship, try it out with your boyfriend or girlfriend while dating and courting and having a relationship. 

When you make friends, remember that deep friendships based on Mutual Trust are more enduring and truly fulfilling than superficial “hail fellow well met” type of casual friendships.

Did it work? 

Did the Johari Window Technique help build trust and reduce trust deficit? 

What was your experience?

Dear Reader: All the Best. Do comment - I look forward to your views and feedback.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012

Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

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About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional  and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

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Email: vikramwamankarve@gmail.com

      

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