Housemates

Humor in Uniform

HOUSEMATES

A Fictional Spoof

By

VIKRAM KARVE

Part 1 : SHARING

Circa 1978

Our ship was getting ready to leave Cochin (Kochi) harbour.

(Those days – Kochi was called Cochin)

A Lieutenant in uniform came running up the gangway.

He gave me a packet and said: “Can you please deliver this packet to my coursemate Lieutenant “X” in Bombay…”

(Those days – Mumbai was known as Bombay)

It was a small packet.

“Sure... I said.

“It is just some Ayurvedic Medicines for my coursemate’s wife – the name of my coursemate (Lieutenant “X”) – and his home address – everything is written on the packet…” the Lieutenant said.

On the day we reached Mumbai – in the evening – I stood outside the flat of Lieutenant “X”.

I rang the doorbell.

A chic young woman opened the door.

She was very attractive – and – I had to make an effort to take my eyes off her.

“Good evening, Ma’am – I have got your medicines from Cochin…” I said.

“My medicines…?” she said, looking confused.

“Lieutenant “X” lives here, isn’t it – so – you must be his wife…?” I said.

The beautiful woman smiled at me – and she said: 

“Yes – Lieutenant “X” lives here – but – I am not his wife…”

“Oh…” I remarked.

“I am so sorry,” the woman said, “it was so rude of me to keep you waiting outside – please come in and make yourself comfortable. Let me get you a glass of water…”

I entered the drawing room and sat down on the sofa.

The woman got me a glass of water and sat down opposite me.

I placed the packet I had got from Cochin on the table – and I said to the woman: “Here are the Ayurvedic Medicines for Mrs. “X” – is she not at home…?”

“No – Mrs. “X” works late – she should be home around 7:30 – but – don’t worry – I will give her the packet…” the woman said.

“Are you her sister…?” I asked.

“No – No…” the woman interrupted me.

The gorgeous women gave me a alluring smile – and she said to me: 

“I am Mrs. “Y” – we are still waiting to be allotted our married accomodation – this house has been allotted to Lieutenant “X” – my husband Lieutenant “Y” and your friend Lieutenant “X” are coursemates – so – we are sharing accommodation with Lieutenant and Mrs. “X” …”

(In the 1970’s – there was a severe shortage of married accommodation in the Navy – especially in Mumbai – and the waiting time for Lieutenants was more than 2 years – so it was common practice for young Navy couples to share accommodation with their friends who were lucky to have been allotted married accommodation. Also – those days – most Lieutenants were married – since it took 11 years commissioned service to become a Lieutenant Commander – unlike today – after the AVS 2006 Cadre Review Bonanza – when you become a Lieutenant Commander in just 6 years service)

“Are you also a coursemate of Lieutenant “X” and my husband…?” Mrs. “Y” asked me.

“No – No – Ma’am – they must be a few years senior to me…” I said.

“Oh – so you are a friend of Lieutenant “X”…?” she said.

“No – Ma’am – I haven’t even met Lieutenant “X” – a Naval Officer in Cochin came to my ship and asked me to deliver this packet to Lieutenant “X”…” I said.

“Oh…” she said.

I looked at Mrs. “Y”.

Mrs. “Y” looked at me.

Sitting opposite me – Mrs. “Y” looked very gorgeous and alluring – and I felt mesmerized by her tantalizing beauty.

I was unnerved by the attraction I felt towards her – so I thought that it would be best for me to leave the scene…

So – I got up to leave.

“No – wait – it is already 5:30 – Lieutenant “X” should be home any minute…” Mrs. “Y” said.

“And – your husband – Lieutenant “Y” – he should be home too…?”

“No – my husband is sailing – he will be back next week…” Mrs. “Y” said.

The doorbell rang.

“Ah – that must be Lieutenant “X”…” said Mrs. “Y” – and – she quickly went to open the door.

Lieutenant “X” was in uniform.

He kept his scooter helmet on the rack.

Then – he looked at me.

I stood up.

I introduced myself.

“Oh yes – thanks a lot for getting the Ayurvedic Medicines…” Lieutenant “X” said.

“You are welcome, Sir…” I said.

“Hey – I will just go in and change into ‘civvies’ and freshen up…” Lieutenant “X” said to me.

Then – Lieutenant “X” looked at Mrs. “Y” – and – he said to her: “Hey – why don’t you make some nice coffee for all of us…?”

“Filter Coffee is already ready – and – I have made your favourite upma as ‘tiffin’ too…” Mrs. “Y” said to Lieutenant “X”.

“Wow – that’s great…” Lieutenant “X” said – and he went inside to change.

After eating the delicious upma and drinking the refreshing filter coffee – I got up to leave – but Lieutenant “X” said to me: “Hey – why don’t you stay for dinner – we’ll go for a walk on the seashore – we will have a drink at the club – by then – my wife should be back – you can meet her – and – we will all have dinner together…”

“Thanks a lot, Sir – but I have to get back to my ship…” I said.

“Come on – stay for dinner…” Lieutenant “X” insisted.

“I would have loved to have dinner with you, Sir – but someone is holding the deck for me…” I lied.

“Oh – then you must go back to your ship – but you must come over and have dinner with us sometime…” Lieutenant “X” said.

So – I said goodbye to Lieutenant “X” and Mrs. “Y” – and I went back to my ship.

I could not meet Lieutenant “X” again – and the dinner never materialized – as our ship sailed off on a long deployment to the eastern seas – and midway – I was disembarked at Madras Port (Chennai) – for proceeding on transfer to a shore based instructional appointment in a ‘stone frigate’ at Jamnagar.

7 YEARS LATER

Part 2 : CARING

Circa 1985

One evening – I was walking on Main Street (MG Road) in Pune – and suddenly – I ran into Lieutenant “X”.

He recognized me and said: “Hi there – so nice to see you here…”

“Delighted to see you too, Sir…” I said.

“You just disappeared from the Radar…?” Lieutenant “X” said.

“Sir – my ship sailed off to the East – then – I was transferred to Jamnagar – then – I was selected for M. Tech. at IIT Delhi – then – I did an appointment in Delhi – and now – I have been recently appointed as faculty in IAT Pune…” I said.

“That’s great...” Lieutenant “X” said, “I too quit the Navy a few years ago and I now work in the industry…”

He pulled out his wallet – extracted a business card – and gave it to me.

I looked at the business card.

Lieutenant “X” (now Ex-Lieutenant “X”) was a Manager in a prestigious company.

“My home address is written on the reverse of the card – I live in Aundh – and now that you are Pune – you must visit us – especially if you come to Aundh side…” he said.

“Sure, Sir…” I said – and we bid each other ‘goodbye’.

A few days later – one evening – I happened to be in Aundh.

I remembered the brief meeting with Ex-Lieutenant “X” on Main Street.

I pulled out his business card from my wallet – looked at his residential address on the reverse side of the card – and I discovered that I was standing right below his apartment block.

I decided to visit Ex-Lieutenant “X” – and soon – I was standing outside his flat.

I rang the doorbell.

A woman opened the door.

I was stunned.

The woman was Mrs. “Y”.

Seeing the bewildered expression on my face – the woman gave me a mischievous smile – and she naughtily said to me: 

“Yes – Lieutenant “X” lives here – and now – I am his wife…”

Part 3 : EPILOGUE

Later – when I reached home – I told my wife about how Mrs. “Y” had become Mrs. “X”

So – thanks to “sharing” and “caring” – Lieutenant “X” and Mrs. “Y” – had now become – Ex-Lieutenant “X” and New Mrs. “X” 

Later – I found out that Lieutenant “X” had not quit the Navy on his own.

But – in fact – Lieutenant “X” had been asked to resign from the Navy for “stealing the affection” of Mrs. “Y” – who was his ‘brother officer’s wife’. 

Housemates had become actual mates. 

Lieutenant “X” had got married to Mrs. “Y” 

I wondered whether Lieutenant “Y” had got married to Mrs. “X” and the “spouse swap” was complete...?

There is a saying: 

“Learn from history – or – you are doomed to repeat it”

And – my wife had certainly learnt a lesson from the story of Lieutenant “X” and Mrs. “Y” 

This was evident from the episode narrated below.

One evening – a young couple came over to meet us – my Navy coursemate and his wife.

“I have come for a 3 month course to IAT – and I brought my wife along – but they are not allowing my wife to stay in the Officers’ Mess…” he said.

“Yes – wives are not allowed for short courses…” I said.

“We were wondering if you could share your accommodation with us – you have got such a big house…” my coursemate said.

“Yes – please let us stay with you – otherwise I will have to go back…” my coursemate’s lovely wife pleaded with me – and she gave me a tender loving beseeching look.

Mesmerized by her seductive gaze – I was about to agree to my coursemate’s wife’s request to share our home with them.

But suddenly – my wife interjected and she said to the lady: “I am sorry – but – we do not share accommodation…”

“Please let us stay in your home – it is only for 3 months – I promise you that we will not be any trouble…” my coursemate’s wife begged my wife.

“I am sorry – but – as a “matter of principle” – we do not share our home with anyone – we do not want “housemates”…” my wife said firmly with a decisive tone.

Then – my wife excused herself and went inside into the bedroom.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
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Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

     

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

 

This is a revised re-post of my story CARING AND SHARING posted online by me Vikram Karve earlier in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog on 08 Nov 2015 at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/11/sharing-and-caring-humor-in-and-out-of.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/12/humor-in-uniform-lieutenant-x-and-mrs-y.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/03/humor-in-uniform-care-but-dont-share.html

Love Game – Coup De Grace – A Neat “Slam Dunk”

coup de grâce

Love Game – Slam Dunk

Fiction Short Story

By

VIKRAM KARVE

“Well – the professional part of the interview is over,” the CEO said to me, “now we will hand you over to Ms. Nina who will ask you some questions.”

There were 3 persons in the interview panel :

1. The CEO – who sat in the centre – opposite me

2. The ‘Head of HR’ – who sat to the CEO’s right

(Both the CEO and ‘Head of HR’ were elderly gentlemen in their 50’s)

There was a third person too.

3. Yes – the third person in the interview panel was a smart looking woman – around my age – maybe slightly older – in her late 30’s – or maybe early 40’s – who sat to the left of the CEO

Out of these 3 persons – for the last one hour – it was the CEO who had asked me most of the questions.

The ‘Head of HR’ just asked me about my qualifications and experience.

The Mysterious Woman had remained silent so far – but she seemed to be observing me carefully during the interview – as I answered the questions put to me by the CEO and ‘Head of HR’.

At the beginning of the interview – the CEO had introduced himself and the ‘Head of HR’ – but he had not introduced the woman.

I had thought that she was ‘sitting in’ as a ‘woman observer’ – just because I was a woman – and the CEO and ‘Head of HR’ were both men.

But now – after one hour –  the CEO had introduced the woman her as their ‘Recruitment Consultant’.

Yes – the CEO just mentioned her first name – Ms. Nina – and he said that she was their ‘Recruitment Consultant’.

Ms. Nina smiled at me and she said: “Well – as you know – this is a very senior position…”

“Ah – I must interrupt here…” the CEO said to Ms. Nina.

Then – the CEO looked at me – and he said to me: “Let me tell you one thing young lady – if you are sitting here before us today – it is only because of Ms. Nina. Frankly – we did not want someone so young for this senior key position – but Ms. Nina insisted on you – and the way you have answered our questions – I feel that she was right...”

“Thank you, Sir,” I said looking at the CEO.

Then – I turned my glance and looked at Ms. Nina and I said to her: “Thank you, Ma’am.”

Ms. Nina smiled at me.

Then – Ms. Nina looked at the CEO and asked him: “Shall I…”

“Oh, Yes,” the CEO said to Ms. Nina.

The CEO looked at me and he said: “Thank you for your time, young lady – I think we will now leave you two – Ms. Nina and you – to talk to each other – and we will get on with our work…”

The CEO gestured to the ‘Head of HR’ – and both the CEO and ‘HR Head’ left the room – leaving me alone with Ms. Nina.

Ms. Nina looked into the laptop in front of her – and then she looked at me – and said to me: “Well – as you know – you are being considered for a very senior post – a key appointment in the organisation – a position of great trust…”

“Yes – Ma’am…” I said.

“The ‘Ma’am’ is unnecessary – just call me Nina…” she said.

“Yes…” I said.

“You did not apply for this position – the company invited you for an interview – am I right…?” she said.

“Yes…” I said.

“Well – let me introduce myself – I am a ‘headhunter’ – and it was I who ‘headhunted’ you for this top level job…” she said.

“Thanks…” I said.

“I hope you don’t mind if I ask you a few questions of a personal nature…?” she said.

“Personal questions…?” I asked, hesitant.

“Well – you may feel that it is none of our business to probe into your personal life – but – as I said – this is a position of trust – you will have access to sensitive information – company secrets – so to speak – and since I am the person who ‘headhunted’ you – I feel all the more responsible…” she said.

I remained silent – feeling a bit confused in my mind.

Ms. Nina looked at me and said: “Feel free not to answer any question that you do not wish to answer – or if you want – we can finish the interview right here…”

Ms. Nina spoke these words softly – with a smile on her face.

But the caveat was clear – if I wanted this job – I had to answer all her questions about my personal life.

And – I desperately wanted this job – which would catapult me into the top bracket.

“It’s okay…” I said – feeling a bit self-conscious.

Ms. Nina looked at me and she said: “I can see that you are feeling a bit shy – so I will keep my questions to the bare minimum – okay – I will ask you just one thing – tell me – why are you unmarried…?”

“Excuse me…?” I said, surprised.

“You are unmarried – aren’t you – it says so in the form you filled up just before the interview…”

“Yes…”

“You are 36 years old. You never married…? Or were you…?”

“I never got married…”

“Why didn’t you get married…?”

I remained silent – wondering what to say.

Why was she harping on my marital status...?

I felt a bit uncomfortable.

I think Ms. Nina sensed my feelings – so she said to me: “Don’t answer if you do not want to…”

“No – it is okay – I will tell why I never got married till now. Well – after my studies – for the first few years – I wanted to focus on my career – and then – when I felt like getting married – all the eligible boys had got married – and there were no suitable bachelors left for me to marry…” I said frankly.

“Is it so…? Well – but now – it looks like you have found a ‘suitable boy’…” Ms. Nina said, “So – you have finally found a suitable boy to marry – haven’t you...?”

“Suitable boy…?” I said, taken aback.

Ms. Nina pressed some keys on her laptop – and then she turned around her laptop with the screen facing me.

On the screen was a picture of Arun.

“We did some background checks on you – the customary vetting we do before hiring top level executives – and it seems that you are in a serious relationship with this man…” Ms. Nina said.

“Yes – we are dating each other…” I said.

“Just dating…? The report says that you are cohabiting with him. Aren’t you two in a ‘live-in relationship’…?” she asked.

“Yes – we live together – whenever possible…” I said.

“Whenever possible…? What do you exactly mean by that...?” she asked.

This was getting a bit too much.

But – I knew – that – if I wanted the job – I had to come clean and tell her everything.

“Let me tell you everything – he is an airline pilot – we met 3 years ago at a party in Delhi – we started seeing each other – and – last year – he moved in with me…”

“He moved in with you…?”

“Oh – it is not exactly like that – he lives with me whenever he is in Delhi on layovers – which he manages quite often – but actually he is based in Mumbai…”

“So that is the reason you want this job – so that you can relocate from Delhi to Mumbai – and ‘move in’ with him permanently – and convert your ‘weekend relationship’ into a full-fledged permanent ‘live-in relationship’…”

“Yes – but the main reason is that I want this job…”

“So – once you ‘move in’ with him permanently – do you intend to get married to him…?”

“Yes – that is the future plan…”

“Future plan…? Tell me – what are you waiting for – isn’t 3 years of dating including one year of intimate ‘live-in relationship’ enough to get to know each other well…?”

I was getting exasperated by her line of questioning – but I kept my cool – and I said to her: “Even if I do get married to him – there is no conflict of interest – I will be working here in FMCG – and he is an airline pilot…”

“That’s true – so you are living with him right now in Mumbai…”

“No – I flew down from Delhi by the morning flight – and I came straight over here – he is not in Mumbai right now – he is flying on a long trip abroad and will be back next week…”

“Oh – but he must be happy about this interview – if you get this job – you two will be in Mumbai together…”

“He doesn’t know about this interview…” I said.

“Really…? That is very surprising. So you keep secrets from each other…?” she asked me.

“Frankly – I did not want raise false hopes and disappoint him if I didn’t get this job…” I said.

“I see…” she said, “but it seems like you are going to get it. So your boyfriend is going to be very happy…”

This conversation was getting more and more exasperating – and I wanted to end it quickly – so I looked at Ms. Nina and I said firmly to her: “I think you have asked me enough about my personal life – and I am sure you are convinced that there is no conflict of interest if I am in a relationship with an airline pilot…”

“Just one last question…” Ms. Nina said.

“Okay…”

“Outwardly this company may appear modern – but the inner culture is quite conservative – and some of the Directors have rather old-fashioned views – so I have been told to specifically ask you this question – ‘Do you intend getting married to this man – Arun – and – if so – when are you two getting married…?’…”

“Yes – we intend getting married – and it is going to be very soon…” I said firmly.

Ms. Nina smiled at me.

And then – she said to me: “You can’t get married to this man – Arun. Well – I am sorry – but – you cannot marry your boyfriend Arun…”

“Why…?” I said, taken aback.

“Because your ‘lover-boy’ Mr. Arun is already married…” she said.

“What…?” I said, stunned.

Ms. Nina looked at me.

Yes – Ms. Nina looked directly into my eyes – as she spoke triumphantly and delivered her coup de grace: 

“Yes – your ‘lover-boy’ Arun is a married man – he is married to me – I am Arun’s ‘legally wedded wife’ – do you understand...? And – let me tell you very clearly – as of now – I have no intention of divorcing my husband Arun – do you understand – I have absolutely no intention of divorcing my husband Arun…” 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

     

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

This story was written by me Vikram Karve more than one year ago in June 2013 and posted online by me in my blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve at urls:  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/07/slam-dunk.htmland http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/08/blog-fiction-slam-dunk-interview.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/10/the-interview-blog-fiction-short-story.html  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/12/caveat-slam-dunk-story.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/03/coup-de-grace-love-game-slam-dunk.html