How to Feel Good

Are you a moody person...?

Do you have “mood swings”...? 

Do you want to be always in a “good mood”...?

I constantly try to be in a “good mood”. 

Being in a “good mood” makes me “Feel Good”. 

Let me tell you how I try to do this. 

Long ago – I read a story called THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY 

The protagonist of the story, Walter Mitty, fantasises that he leads an exciting and heroic life in order to escape his humdrum existence.

It was from this story that I got the idea that you can use your thoughts to drive your feelings and swing your moods.

It is easier said than done – but I keep trying my best. 

Let me share my Self Help “Mantra” for Moody Persons with you.

ARE YOU A “MOODY” PERSON ?

Self Help – How to be Happy 

By

VIKRAM KARVE

I am a “moody” person.

That is my nature.

Since I am a “moody person” – I have “mood swings”.

Owing to my “mood swings” – I am prone to negative emotions like anger and depression – and worse – I wear my emotions on my sleeve – so everyone can see my “mood”.

Hence – whenever I start feeling depressed, angry or experience negative emotions – I try to “swing” my mood to the positive side.

Mostly – I succeed – but – on a few occasions – I am not so successful in “swinging” my mood totally. 

Since I cannot fake my emotions – I endeavour to change my emotions – and I keep trying my best to get into a “good mood”. 

Before I “pontificate” on how to “swing” your mood – let me tell you a bit about the “Emotion – Mood – Temperament” continuum – and why it is important for you to remain in a “good mood”.

“EMOTION” – “MOOD” – “TEMPERAMENT”

EMOTION is a response to a “stimulus” (or situation).

This “stimulus” can be either external (outside you) or internal (inside you).

MOOD is a long duration feeling as compared to emotion.

Emotions come and go – but Mood persists.

Emotion is short-lived – it remains as long as the trigger (stimulus) remains.

But – Mood remains for some time – even after the stimulus goes away.

And – sometimes – mood may not need a specific stimulus.

TEMPERAMENT – When Mood persists for a long period it becomes Temperament.

Yes – “Temperament” is “Long Term Mood”

In turbulent situations – Emotion comes First – for example – whenever you are in danger – leading to impulsive action to save you from that danger (fight or flight response).

In normal situations – Thought comes First – and then – Emotion Follows. 

However – there are some moody persons (like me) – who are volatile by nature – and they wear their emotions on their sleeve – so they emotionally react impulsively without thinking. 

This impulsive emotional nature affects their mood and if repeated over time it affects their temperament too. 

I am one such moody and temperamental person – and – I am trying my best to practice what I am going to preach below. 

THOUGHTS and EMOTIONS

It is desirable that THOUGHT precedes EMOTION.

If you can manage your THOUGHTS – you can manage your EMOTIONS – and consequently – you will be able to manage your MOOD and TEMPERAMENT.

This may be easy for you – but for a “moody” person like me – this is easier said than done.

DO FEELINGS DRIVE YOUR THOUGHTS...?

Thoughts play a very important role in your life – whereas your feelings can make or break you – and also affect the lives of others around you.

Very often – we let our Attitudes or Feelings hold sway over our lives – rather than let our Thoughts govern our lives.

You let your Feelings drive your Thoughts.

You do not realize that Thoughts drive Actions – and – Actions produce Results.

These Results produce more Feelings.

And these Feelings – in turn – drive your Thoughts.

This leads to a “vicious circle” – which may ultimately lead to loss of self-control.

If you start off with negative feelings – you start this “vicious circle”: 

 

“Feeling –> Thought –> Action –> Result –> Feeling –> Thought –>…” 

This vicious cycle where feelings control your life can spiral into depression or anger.

YOU CANNOT CONTROL YOUR FEELINGS

Feelings are not totally controllable – especially for a “moody” person like me. 

You may try to “fake” your emotions to the outside world – but inside – you know what you feel. 

Many times – Feelings are produced by external circumstances beyond your control.

If “Negative Feelings” are allowed to drive your “Thoughts” and “Actions” – then Undesirable “Results” may emanate.

These “Undesirable Results” in turn produce further “not-so-good Feelings” – and – the vicious cycle continues.

This is true for any unpleasant or negative “Feelings” – like anger, envy, worry, disgust or hatred – which tend to drive our “Thoughts” and “Actions” – and negativity quickly takes charge of our lives.

An analysis of other options indicates that both “Actions” and “Results” are not suitable alternative drivers – since they are not totally controllable – and will not always be pleasing.

The best solution is to establish “THOUGHT” as the driver – because it is controllable – and – we can get good “Results”.

LET THOUGHTS DRIVE YOUR FEELINGS

Your “Thoughts” are in your control – because you can choose what you want to think about.

Moreover – there is a matter of choice.

It is very much in your control to think “Good and Interesting Thoughts”.

The happiest persons are those who think the most interesting and good thoughts.

The human mind cannot totally prevent poor quality thoughts from arising – but you can choose whether or not to dwell on them.

You can move your mind from dwelling on poor quality thoughts by selecting alternative beneficial or pleasant thoughts to focus on.

Choosing to be driven by “Thoughts” – and – then controlling those “Thoughts” – will get you the best possible “Results”.

Positive Thoughts lead to good performance (right actions) 

Right Actions yield desirable results. 

Desirable Results in turn produce good feelings.

Good Feelings are conducive to better thoughts. 

And – progressively – this positively reinforcing cycle facilitates a high degree of self-control – and an overall feeling of happiness.

When good thoughts are combined with good potential – the results can be remarkable.

Thus – the very basis of self-control is:

Refuse to allow our Feelings to control our Responses. 

Instead – dwell on good, pleasant, joy-producing Positive Thoughts.

Develop and apply your skill to control your thoughts.

Certain NLP techniques like Swish Pattern are highly effective in achieving this.

By “Positive Thinking” you can gain mastery over controlling your thoughts and thereby letting your thoughts govern your lives.

“Good Thoughts” will make you “Feel Good”.

“Feel Good” will generate “Positive Feelings”.

“Positive Feelings” will make you perform “Good Actions”.

“Good Actions” will produce “Good Results”.

“Good Results” in turn will produce “Good Thoughts”.

And – this positive reinforcing spiral will keep you in a good mood.

That is the key to a happy and healthy life.

It works.

You can take my word for it.

Let me end with a quote from the famous Stoic philosopher Epictetus:

Some things are under our control – others are not. 

Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: 

Some things are within our control – and some things are not. 

It is only after you have faced up to this fundamental rule – and learned to distinguish between what you can and cannot control – that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible.

~ Epictetus

Remember: 

Thinking “interesting thoughts” is fully within your control. 

On the other hand – your “feelings” may be dependent on things beyond your control.

Hence – Dear Reader: 

Do not let your feelings drive your thoughts – but – take charge of your thoughts – and – try to ensure that your thoughts drive your feelings – and – “swing” your mood by thinking happy thoughts.

Yes – you can “swing” your mood by thinking “happy thoughts” 

And – when you are in a “good mood” – you will “Feel Good”

Cheers.

Be Happy.

May you always keep your emotions in check by thinking interesting thoughts.

May you always be in a good mood – and may you have a happy, optimistic and calm temperament.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. These are my personal views. This technique may or may not work for you. Please do your own due diligence while adopting self-help techniques and selecting a philosophy of life.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

Revised Version of my Article LET THOUGHTS DRIVE YOUR FEELINGS written by me around 27 years ago in early 1990s and Posted Online Earlier by me Vikram Karve in my blog at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2009/06/monday-morning-meditation.html  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/06/types-of-human-feelings-emotion-mood.html  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2011/09/feel-good-by-positive-thinking-key-to.html and https://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/02/emotion-mood-and-temperament.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/10/self-help-mantra-for-moody-persons.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/06/mood-swings-how-to-control-your-mood.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/12/how-to-swing-your-moods.html  etc 

Effective Communication – Harmony of Mental Filters

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION 

ARE YOU IN SYNC WITH THE PERSON YOU ARE TALKING TO...?
MENTAL FILTERS AND COMMUNICATION MISMATCH 
Musings
By
VIKRAM KARVE

THE 6 MESSAGES IN INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

Suppose you are talking to someone – say your colleague – or your spouse – or your kid – or your friend – or even a stranger. 

Communication is a two way process. 

Assume that there are two of you talking to each other – engaging in interpersonal communication. 

Now – when you speak to someone you – will be watching her – and observing her body language. 

Similarly – she in turn will be doing the same.

So interpersonal communication will comprise not only verbal speech – but non-verbal cues as well. 

Let us assume that you say something to the person in front of you – and she says something back to you in reply. 

There will be six messages present in this person-to-person communication process:

1. What you MEAN to say

2. What you ACTUALLY say

3. What the other person HEARS

4. What the other person THINKS is heard

5. What the other person SAYS

6. What you THINK the other person says

Interpretation of Communication (deriving messages from a communication) depends on many factors ranging from intellectual to emotional to cognitive - all these factors constitute your MENTAL FILTER.

How you interpret a communication depends on your mental filters at that point of time which, apart from your intellectual, emotional and cognitive aspects, is also governed by various factors like your mood, quality and type of relationship with the other person, the environment in which the communication is taking place.

And it is similar for the other person talking to you.

In order to reduce communication mismatch, it is essential that your mental filter is in sync with the person talking to you and vice versa. 

Otherwise there will be ambiguities in the messages exchanged and this may have undesirable ramifications, and, at times, may even lead to discord and conflict.


AN EXAMPLE OF HOW MENTAL FILTERS DISTORT MESSAGES IN A COMMUNICATION DUE TO SELECTIVE INTERPRETATION


Let me try to explain this with an illustrative example: 

Imagine that a husband and wife are driving right across Pune from Wakad to Koregaon Park – one evening – for a party.

Their car crawls at snail’s pace in the heavy traffic on the busy crowded roads of Pune – a city where traffic is the worst nightmare – especially in peak hours like evenings. 

The car is waiting at a red traffic signal.

Suddenly – the traffic signal turns green – and the wife says to her husband: 

“The signal has become green...!!!”

Now – in his mind’s eye – the husband can interpret this simple communication from his wife in a number of ways.

The way in which he interprets this simple statement made by his wife – it depends on his mental filter at that point of time. 

The husband’s response to his wife’s simple statement will depend on how he interprets his wife’s communication – which in turn will depend on his mental filter at the point of time. 

Here are a few examples of how the husband will interpret his wife’s simple communication (“The signal has become green...!”) – and how he may reply back to his wife. 

Dear Reader – remember – the wife had said to her husband: 

“The signal has become green...!!!” 

1. One husband may think his wife means to say: 

“Can’t you see...? The traffic light has turned green...!!!”

So he may retort angrily to his wife:  

“Of course I can see ... I am not blind...!!!”

(Remember – the wife had merely said:  

“The signal has become green...!!!” 

The wife never stated that her husband is blind)

2. Another husband may think his wife is hurrying him up – and he may interpret the meaning of what his wife’s communication as: 

“Come on, you slow-poke – hurry up – we are already late...” 

On interpreting his wife’s communication in this fashion – the husband may snap back at his wife: 

“Don’t unnecessarily hustle me – let me drive properly...!!!”

(Remember – the wife had merely said:  

“The signal has become green...!!!” 

The wife never stated that her husband is a slow-poke and drives too slowly) 

3. A third “hen-pecked” husband may assume that his wife has started off her nagging again.

So – this husband will say irritably to his wife: 

 “Stop your nagging and backseat driving – why don’t you drive the car yourself instead of passing comments...?”

(Remember – the wife had merely said: 

“The signal has become green...!!!”

The wife just wanted to draw the attention of her husband to the traffic signal – she had no intention of nagging him)  

Now – in each of these 3 cases – on hearing her husband’s remarks – the wife may: 

1. She may choose to remain silent 

or 

2. She may “appropriately” respond to the husband’s comments and give him a “fitting” reply

If she decides to retort – the husband may reply back – and then the conversation will go on and on – and the result will be that – more “heat” – and less “light” – is generated.

What if a husband just ignores the wife’s remarks...? 

Suppose he remains silent and says nothing...?

Well – the wife may interpret her husband’s silence in a number of ways depending on her mental filter – and she will respond accordingly – and say something to her husband again. 

Or – she too may remain silent – resulting in breakdown of “verbal communication” – though – “non-verbal communication” may continue.

(Remember – SILENCE is a very effective way of conveying non-verbal messages – and sometimes – silence can be quite powerful too – like they say – “a deafening silence”...!!!)

Whichever way the wife chooses to give her husband a “fitting” reply – this may provoke the husband further – and the “communication” cycle will continue. 


HARMONY OF MENTAL FILTERS FOR EFFECTIVE INTER-PERSONAL COMMUNICATION
HOW TO BE IN SYNC WITH THE PERSON YOU ARE COMMUNICATING WITH

Interpretation of communication – drawing inferences – it all depends on your “mental filters” –doesn’t it...? 

Your mental filters “colour” your cognition – and they influence (bias or prejudice) your interpretation of the message in a communication.

The sine qua non for Effective Communication is Harmony of Mental Filters. 

If there is a Mismatch in Mental Filters – the result is Misinterpretation of Messages – due to interpreting “implied meanings” – where there were none.

Like we highlighted in the example of communication between husband and wife – repeated misinterpretation of communication can snowball and spiral into an unhealthy communication cycle – and can damage inter-personal relationships – both at work and at home. 

For example – in a marriage – repeated misinterpretation of mutual communication between husband and wife – due to mismatch in mental filters – may cause disharmony in the relationship – and lead to marital discord – which in turn may snowball into disastrous consequences – and which can – in extremis – even lead to breakdown of the marriage.

So – before you communicate with someone – at work and at home – make sure that your “mental filters” are in “sync” with each other (mutually synchronized).

Otherwise – when you talk to someone – you will mean something – but – the other person will interpret something else – and this may create serious misunderstandings.

Remember: 

There are 6 messages present in person-to-person communication process: 

1. What you MEAN to say

2. What you ACTUALLY say

3. What the other person HEARS

4. What the other person THINKS is heard

5. What the other person SAYS

6. What you THINK the other person says

So – Dear Reader – when you are talking to someone – both of you must make sure that you are in perfect sync with each other – so that there is no ambiguity or confusion – and you achieve seamless effective inter-personal communication.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved. 

Disclaimer:

1. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

     

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

 

Abridged and updated of my article on Effective Communication by Vikram Karve posted in my blog. 

Here is the url link to my original post in this blog: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/09/are-you-in-sync-with-person-you-are.html and https://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/04/effective-communication_20.html etc