Humor in Uniform – “Fleet Night” – Navy Ship Awards Function

Humor in Uniform 

This afternoon we had a get-together of Navy Veterans in Pune organised by the Navy Foundation Pune Charter every quarter. 

At the meet – I met a shipmate – and – we remembered this delightful story from a wonderful Navy days...

FLEET NIGHT 

Navy Ship Awards Function

A Memoir

By

VIKRAM KARVE

This happened long back – around 30 years ago – in the 1980’s.

It was “Fleet Night” – the Annual Fleet Awards Function.

The Chief Guest for the function was the Chief of the Naval Staff (CNS) – who had come down from Naval Headquarters New Delhi to grace the occasion.

The C-in-C – the Fleet Commander – and – the local “Top Brass” – all were present with their families.

Officers and Sailors of various Ships of the Fleet were seated with their families in the grand auditorium.

First – there was a most enjoyable entertainment programme performed by officers and sailors of the fleet and their families.

This was followed by a prize distribution ceremony to present the Fleet Awards.

Various Trophies were being awarded to ships.

Our ship was a frontline warship which had performed exceedingly well in all aspects throughout the previous year.

We were sure that our ship deserved to win most of the Trophies.

Many thought that – maybe – our ship would win all the Trophies.

In fact – even officers from other ships acknowledged that our ship deserved most of the Trophies due to our superb consistent demonstrated performance.

The prize distribution ceremony started.

The winners of the various Trophies were announced by the Fleet Commander – one by one – and – the respective Captains went up to receive the Trophies from the Navy Chief (CNS) who was the Chief Guest.

As the prize distribution progressed – we were disappointed that our ship had not been awarded even one single trophy so far.

It seemed that our ship was being totally ignored.

The blatant bias was evident to all.

Our XO remarked that maybe this prejudice against our ship was because the Fleet Commander did not like our Captain.

We really did not know the actual reason for Fleet Commander’s dislike of our Captain.

But – someone said that this aversion was because our Captain was a “CW Officer” – who had been promoted from the “Lower Deck” under the “Upper Yardman Scheme”.

During his Sailor Days – our Captain had been selected as a CW (Commission Worthy) Candidate. 

Then – he been promoted from the ranks of sailors – to the rank of Acting Sub Lieutenant (he was a “Mustang” in US Navy parlance) 

Our Captain was an officer who started his career as a sailor and then had come up the hard way – unlike most of his “elitist” counterparts who had joined the prestigious National Defence Academy (NDA) and had been commissioned as Naval Officers after training as Cadets and Midshipmen.

It seemed that the ex-NDA Fleet Commander had a dislike for CW Officers in general – but – he had a particular dislike towards our Captain.

In fact – many officers felt that the ex-NDA Fleet Commander was also biased against Direct Entry Officers who had graduated from the Naval Academy – and – he seemed to openly favour ex-NDA Officers.

It all seemed very unfair to us.

It was clear that our ship was being discriminated against – because of personal likes and dislikes.

As the award ceremony progressed towards its conclusion – we were reconciled to returning back to our ship empty handed – without even one single trophy.

Suddenly – we were surprised to hear our ship’s name being announced for a Trophy.

The Trophy was for “Maximum Days at Sea”.

“Days at Sea” was a recorded fact – and – this could not be manipulated.

And – it was an undisputed fact that our ship had indeed spent the maximum days at sea as compared to other ships of the fleet

Our Captain went up to receive the Trophy.

While presenting the “Maximum Days at Sea Trophy” to our Captain – the witty Navy Chief (CNS) remarked to the Fleet Commander:

“Well – you denied him all the trophies – but – you couldn’t deny him this trophy – could you…?”

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

This is a revised re-post of my "Humor in Uniform" Story PARTING SHOT posted online by me 3 years ago on June 20, 2014 in my blog at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/06/humor-in-uniform-parting-shot.html and reposted duly revised at url:  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/05/humor-in-uniform-fleet-night.html

Humor in Uniform – Story of the “Motivated” NCC Officer

HUMOUR IN UNIFORM

Story of The “Motivated” NCC Officer
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE

SQUARE PEGS IN ROUND HOLES

In his introduction to the witty and insightful favourite management classic  “The Peter Principle”  the co-author Raymond Hull narrates hilarious professional paradoxes – probably apocryphal – about “square pegs in round holes”.

“I am no longer amazed to observe that a government-employed marriage counsellor is a homosexual” – he comments.

(The book was written in 1969 when the concept of “Gay Marriages” was not in vogue and a marriage was presumed to be a heterosexual relationship).

 Then he gives examples of mismatched “square pegs in round holes” – in fact, the book “The Peter Principle” is interspersed with numerous such droll snippets .

During my long career in the Navy – I have seen many such amusing mismatches.

Once in a Military Hospital – I remember coming across a child-specialist lady doctor who hated children.

She was a rather rude young unmarried pediatrician lady doctor in uniform and someone commented that maybe she would change her attitude once she herself got married and had children of her own.

I have seen many officers posted as instructors/trainers/teaching faculty who are total misfits as they are unable to communicate effectively.

This happens because it is assumed that a good student is ipso facto a good teacher – so a “topper” student of a course is posted as an instructor.

On a few occasions – yours truly has also been a “square peg in a round hole”.

Yes – I too have had my share of mismatched appointments.

I am sure you too have seen many “square pegs in round holes” in uniform.

Let me tell you of one classic case I came across.

THE “MOTIVATED” NCC OFFICER

Long back – while I was sitting in the bar at DSOI in New Delhi – I ran into an Army Officer who was Commanding an NCC (National Cadet Corps) Unit at Mumbai (then called Bombay).

The aim of the NCC is to motivate young students of impressionable age to join the Defence Services.

Thus – it is apt that the Commanding Officer (CO) of an NCC unit should be a highly motivated officer – who must be an inspiring role model for his cadets.

He needs to be full of josh and jingoism – like the highly motivated Divisional Officers in National Defence Academy (NDA) and other Cadet Training Academies like Indian Military Academy (IMA)  Indian Naval Academy (NAVAC/INA) Officers Training Academy (OTA)  Air Force Academy (AFA) etc.

Since we were the only two persons in the bar that afternoon – I tried to start a conversation with the NCC Officer (Army Officer  who was CO of NCC Unit).

I asked him about the various initiatives NCC was taking to motivate young college students to join the armed forces.

But – he was not interested in the subject.

In fact – the NCC Officer seemed least interested in talking about his job in the NCC.

He told me that he himself was desperately trying to quit the army.

He had put in his papers for premature retirement.

He said that he had come all the way from Mumbai to Delhi to personally get his premature retirement case cleared.

He told me that after the cushy NCC posting at Mumbai – his posting to a hard field area was due – and so he was busy chasing his premature retirement case – to expedite matters personally and get his premature retirement approved quickly – so that his papers would be through before he was posted out from Mumbai.

He wanted to get out of the army as fast as possible – so that he could take up a lucrative job offer –and settle down in Mumbai.

He told me that he had got an attractive job offer from a prestigious firm in Mumbai.

He also told me that the firm wanted him to join quickly – so time was running out for him.

Also – if he got posted out meanwhile to a field area – it would mean the end of this great opportunity for a successful second innings in the civvy street.

From the bitter way in which he complained about his army career – it was evident that he was quite fed up of army life.

The NCC Officer was especially bitter about being sidelined from the mainstream Army and being unceremoniously “dumped” into the NCC.

He was desperate to get his premature retirement through – and it was evident that all his attention and energies were devoted to chasing his premature retirement case.

No wonder – he was least interested in NCC activities.

The NCC Officer was hardly an “inspiring role model” to motivate youngsters to join the Armed Forces.

Tell me – can an officer – who is so disillusioned with the army – that he desperately wants to quit the army – motivate youngsters to join the Army?

During my long career in the Navy – I saw many officers  – who themselves were in dire need of “motivation”  – being posted to the NCC to motivate youngsters.

Quite an irony – isn’t it?

If you really want to motivate impressionable young minds and inspire them to join the Defence Services – why not post young unmarried officers who are full of “josh”, patriotic zeal and nationalistic fervour to the NCC?

Like the one mentioned in the story – can such “motivated” NCC officers be “role models” to inspire youth to join the Defence Services? 

Tell me – why not post young enthusiastic officers to NCC who can truly motivate young students to join the Armed Forces?

Why post disillusioned and demoralized superseded officers in NCC – or old “re-employed” officers who are “over the hill” – or officers on the verge of superannuation – who just do “time-pass” in NCC appointments?

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Revised version my my article written by me in the year 2014 and posted online be me Vikram Karve earlier in my Blog - Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/07/humor-in-uniform-square-pegs-in-round.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/04/unforgettable-characters-in-uniform.html