Showing posts with label feel good. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feel good. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

SELF HELP - HOW TO FEEL GOOD

Here is an article from my SELF HELP archives on HOW TO FEEL GOOD

I first wrote this around 30 years ago, but I feel it may still be relevant.

HOW TO FEEL GOOD
Musings
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Let me begin with a quote from the inimitable stoic philosopher EPICTETUS: 
  
Some things are under our control, others are not

Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle:

Some things are within our control, and some things are not 

It is only after you have faced up to this fundamental rule and learned to distinguish between what you can control and what you cannot control that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible
                                                                                      
…Epictetus


THOUGHTS and FEELINGS
Thoughts
 play a very important role in your life, whereas your feelings can make or break you and also affect the lives of others around you.
 

We often let our attitudes or feelings hold sway over our lives, rather than let our thoughts govern our lives.

You let your feelings drive your thoughts, not realizing that thoughts drive actions, and actions produce results, and results in turn produce more feelings, causing a vicious circle which may ultimately lead to loss of self-control.

Feelings are not totally controllable, as many times feelings are produced by external circumstances beyond your control, and if negative feelings are allowed to drive your thoughts and actions, then undesirable results may emanate.

These undesirable results in turn produce further not-so-good feelings, and the vicious cycle continues.

This is true for any unpleasant or negative feelings, like anger, envy, worry, disgust or hatred, which tend to drive our thoughts and actions, and quickly take charge of our lives.

An analysis of other options indicates that both actions and results are not suitable alternative drivers since they also are not totally controllable and will not always be pleasing.

The best solution is to establish ‘thought’ as the driver is because it is controllable and we can get good results. 

Yes, your thoughts are in your control because you can choose what to want to think about.

Moreover there is a matter of choice.

It is very much in our control to think good and interesting thoughts.

The happiest person is he or she who thinks the most interesting and good thoughts.

The human mind cannot totally prevent poor quality thoughts from arising, but it can choose whether or not to dwell on them.

The mind moves from dwelling on poor quality thoughts by selecting alternative beneficial or pleasant thoughts to focus on.

Choosing to be driven by thoughts and then controlling those thoughts allows the best possible results.

Positive thoughts lead to good performance (the right actions), which yields desirable results, which in turn produces good feelings.

Good feelings are conducive to better thoughts and progressively this positively re-enforcing cycle facilitates a high degree of self-control and an overall feeling of happiness.

When good thoughts are combined with good potential the results can be remarkable.

Thus, the very basis of self-control is refusing to allow our feelings to control our responses and dwelling instead on good, pleasant, joy-producing positive thoughts.

Develop and apply your skill to control your thoughts. 

Certain NLP techniques like Swish Pattern are highly effective in achieving this.

Achieving Positive Thinking by gaining mastery over controlling our thoughts and letting our thoughts govern our lives. 

Good Thoughts will make you Feel Good and these positive feelings will make you perform Good Actions which will produce Good Results - that is the key to a happy and healthy life. 

To summarize, Dear Reader, remember:

LET THOUGHTS DRIVE YOUR FEELINGS

NEVER ALLOW YOUR FEELINGS TO DRIVE YOUR THOUGHTS

THAT IS THE KEY TO A HAPPY AND HEALTHY LIFE

It works. 
You can take my word for it. 
And it is easy, because thinking interesting thoughts is within your control and not dependent on outside circumstances.

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
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© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. These are my personal views. Please use your own due diligence because they may or may not work for you. 
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

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Wednesday, December 5, 2012

HOW TO MANAGE YOUR DESIRES

HOW TO MANAGE YOUR DESIRES
Musings on The Art of LivingBy
VIKRAM KARVE



DESIRES and HAPPINESS

Over the years I have realized that two main reasons for unhappiness are:

1. Dissatisfaction caused by unfulfilled desires


and


2. Anxiety that you will not be able to fulfill your desires in the future

There is a close connection between happiness and desire-satisfaction


When you get what you want you feel happy and when you do not get what you want you feel unhappy.

Happiness results from getting what you want (desire-satisfaction)

and 

Unhappiness results from not getting what you want (desire-frustration)

Therefore, there are two strategies you can pursue with respect to any given desire:

1. You can either strive to fulfill the desire

or

2. You can try to eliminate the desire


No philosopher has better explored this than Epicurus, a Greek Philosopher of the Third Century BC. 

Epicurus (341-270 BC) espoused a strategy for achieving genuine human happiness by:

Emphasizing on the delights of the mind (over which you have control)

and

De-emphasizing the delights derived from material things (which are so often beyond your personal control).

This desire management strategy will help you scale down your desires to the basic minimum which can easily be satisfied. 

Yes, you follow this this two phase desire management strategy:

1. Firstly, you scale down your desires to those desires which it is feasible for you to fulfill

then

2. You satisfy those desires. 

This will make you happy since fulfilling a desire creates happiness.


TYPES OF DESIRES

Epicurus distinguishes between three types of desires:

1.      Natural and Necessary Desires

2.      Unnatural and Unnecessary (or Vain and Empty) Desires

3.      Natural but Non-necessary Desires


Our tendency to happiness (or unhappiness) depends on how we tackle each of these three types of desires.


Natural and Necessary Desires

Examples of natural and necessary desires include the desires for food, shelter, health, sense of security and basic physical needs, cravings which will necessarily lead to greater pain if they are not fulfilled.
These basic desires are easy to satisfy yet difficult to eliminate since they are hard-wired into human beings naturally and create a sense of well-being when satisfied (“Happiness begins at the stomach”
Furthermore, natural and necessary desires are necessary for life, and these desires are naturally limited: that is, if one is hungry, it only takes a limited amount of food to fill the stomach, after which the desire is satisfied.
Epicurus says that you should try to satisfy natural and necessary desires.

Vain and Empty or Unnatural and Unnecessary Desires

Vain, unnatural and unnecessary desires include desires for excessive powerwealthfame, and other egoistic ambitions which have all the trappings of status and prestige.

Vain desires are difficult to satisfy, in part because they have no natural limit

If one desires wealth or power, no matter how much one gets, it is always possible to get more, and the more one gets, the more one wants.

These desires are not natural to human beings, but inculcated by society and by false beliefs about what we need.

For example, we falsely believe that being very powerful or wealthy or famous will guarantee us happiness

In actual fact, Opulence may attract thieves and other dangers, and Power and Fame may attract sycophants. 

Yes, such vain desires, which are unnatural and unnecessary, are sure to put you into the spiral of unhappiness.

Epicurus says that such vain and empty desires should be eliminated.


Natural but Non-Necessary Desires

An example of a natural but non-necessary desire is the desire for luxury food. 

Although food is needed for survival, one does not need rich expensive gourmet food to survive. 

Thus, despite his hedonism, Epicurus advocates a surprisingly ascetic way of life. 

Although you should not spurn extravagant foods if they happen to be available, becoming dependent on such luxury food (and other luxuries) ultimately leads to unhappiness.

These natural but non-necessary desires are those cravings that are not necessary for life, but give you great happiness

However, should you become dependent on them, such desires can lead to great unhappiness if they are not fulfilled. 

These desires are typically recreational in nature and examples of such desires include Sexual Gratification, Friendship, Aesthetic Desires, Entertainment, Social Intercourse, Creative Expression and Intellectual Stimulation, Liberal Arts, Reading, Social Networking, Sports, Travel etc

In the case of natural but non-necessary desires you must approach life like a banquet

Think of your life as if it were a banquet where you would behave graciously.

When a dish is passed to you, extend your hand and help yourself to a moderate portion. 

If a dish should pass you by, enjoy what is already on your plate. 

And if a dish has not been passed to you yet, patiently wait for your turn.


Conclusion

To paraphrase Epicurus:

If you wish to make a man truly happy, do not give him more money

rather

Just try to reduce his desires

The Epicurean Philosophy of Life recommends that you must strive to do two things:

1. Eliminate the unhappiness caused by unfulfilled desires

and 

2. Reduce the anxiety that occurs because of the fear that your desires will not be fulfilled in the future.

Adopting this wise Epicurean philosophy of life will enable you to attain tranquility and enjoy everlasting happiness.


VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved. 


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About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional  and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

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Email: vikramwamankarve@gmail.com
      
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