Don’t You Remember…?

DON’T YOU REMEMBER…?

Fiction Short Story

A Spoof

By

VIKRAM KARVE

“What are you doing here…?” the man says to the woman standing above him.

“This is my house…” the woman says.

“Oh My God…!!! How did I get here…?” the man exclaims.

“Don’t you remember…?” the woman says.

The man recognizes the woman – his wife has nicknamed the woman “Plain Jane” – because – that’s how she looks – “PLAIN”.  

He has seen the “middle-aged” woman many times during his walks on the walking track – and – on a number of occasions in the shopping complex of his residential township.

Like it happens in large “gated community” townships – he knows that the woman lives in the same residential complex – but – he does not know where exactly she lives – nor does he know her name.

In the “highfalutin” residential society where the man lives – one does not talk to “strangers” – and – even with neighbours – it is a “hail fellow well met” type of relationship – and sometimes – even a polite smile of greeting is met with a stern glare or a grim frown.

So – all he knows about the woman is that she lives in the same residential complex.  

Then man is in a confused state – lying in a strange bed – all covered up with blankets – he feels terrible – his head aches – his vision is hazy – and his tongue feels dry.

The excruciating effects of the “excesses” of the previous night have still not subsided – and – the man has a terrible hangover.

“How did I get here…?” the man asks the woman.

“Don’t you remember…?” she says.

“No – I don’t remember anything…” the man says.

“Well – I was watching TV – and I heard some noise at the entrance door – so – I opened the door – and I saw that you were trying open the door with your key…”

“Oh My God…”

“Well – you were in quite a “good” mood – in “high” spirits – so – I let you in…”  

“Oh My God…!!! Was I drunk…?”

“Well – you were certainly feeling pretty “nice”…”

“But – how did I come here – to your house…?”

“Don’t you remember…?”

“No – I don’t remember anything…”

“But surely – you must remember something about last night…”

“All I remember is – that – in the evening – I dropped my wife at the airport – then – I drove down to my club for a couple of drinks and dinner – and – the last thing I remember is that I was drinking in the club bar…”

“Oh – you must have had a “blackout”…”

“Blackout…?”

“Yes – “alcoholic blackout” – temporary amnesia – that’s why you don’t remember what you did…”

“But – how did I come here – to your house…?”

“Where do you live…?”

“In “XXX” Township – C Building – on the 9^th Floor – Apartment “C 901”…”

“At least you have come to right building – this is Apartment No. “C 601” – exactly three floors below your apartment…”

“Oh…”

“You must have pressed the wrong button – or – the lift may have stopped on this floor – and you got out and walked straight towards what you thought is your apartment…”

“I am very sorry – please don’t report me for trespassing. I will be in big trouble…”

“Why should I report you…? And – don’t be sorry – in fact – I am so happy you came here…”

“How can you be happy…? I barged into your house in a drunken state…”

“Yes – you were pretty “high”…”

“I was drunk – I must have been terrible. I am sorry if I behaved rudely…”

“Rudely…? Not at all…!!! On the contrary – you were so loving and affectionate…”

“Loving…? Affectionate…?”

“Yes – you were very amusing – we really had a lot of fun…”

“Fun…?”

“Oh yes – you were so charming – it was a wonderful night – we really had a “good time”…”

“Good time…?”

“Yes – I really had a “good time” with you. I feel so lonely – living all alone – the nights are especially miserable – but last night was wonderful – all because of you…”

“Because of me…?”  

 “Yes – we had a marvelous time together – it was a most memorable night – those “intimate” moments we had together – I will cherish forever…”

“Intimate moments…?”

“Don’t you remember – all the things you said to me – you did to me…?”

“What did I do to you…?”

“You were so romantic – so passionate. Don’t you remember…?”

“Romantic…!!! Passionate…?”

“The way you kissed me – no one has ever kissed me like that before – in fact – no one has ever kissed me before – it was my first kiss…”

“Oh My God…!!! I kissed you…?”

“Don’t you remember…?”

“No…”

“But – I will always remember…” the woman says lovingly.

Inside his head – the man’s brain begins to spin – like a vortex.

He does not remember anything.

He thinks to himself: “Is it really possible – that he kissed this “Plain Jane” – this most ordinary looking woman…?”

The man looks at the woman – she looks so unappealing – so uninviting – how could he have kissed her…?

There is no one else around – so – it seems that this “middle-aged” woman lives alone – all by herself.

Maybe she is a “spinster” – living a lonesome and forlorn life – and her loneliness is making her imagination run wild with erotic thoughts.

The man looks at the woman.

She is looking at him – straight into his eyes – she has a hungry look.

The man feels uneasy in her presence – he wants to get out of this place fast – and go home.

Though his head is still dizzy due to his terrible hangover – and he is feeling a bit giddy – the man tries to get up from under the blanket – and suddenly – he realizes that – he is naked under the blanket – stark naked.  

In a panic-stricken voice – the man asks the woman: 

“Where are my clothes…?”

“In the washing machine…” the woman says, “but don’t worry – they are almost done – and – I will have all your clothes dried quickly in the drier…”  

“But – who took off my clothes…” the man says, in panic.

The woman looks at the man – and she says to him:

“Don’t you remember…? Do you really not remember what happened last night…?” 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

 

Drinking Capacity (Alcohol Tolerance Level) – How to Measure Your Drinking Capacity – “Flash Point” and “Fire Point” Method

HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR DRINKING CAPACITY (ALCOHOL TOLERANCE LEVEL)

“Flash Point” and “Fire Point” Method 

There is a saying in the Navy: 

“If you want to know the true characteristics of a officer – ask his coursemates and shipmates.” 

If you ask my coursemates and shipmates about me – one thing they will tell you is that – in my heyday – I drank a lot of booze.

But – they will also tell you that I had enormous drinking capacity.

So – depsite drinking generous quantities of alcohol – I was never seen drunk.

Yes – I was often seen in “high spirits” – but – not drunk.

(I remember only one occasion on which it can be said that I was drunk – and – I never let that happen again) 

The Navy taught me many things. 

One of the things I learnt in the Navy was how to drink alcohol.

After around 25 years of enjoyable drinking – I quit drinking around 15 years ago. 

For the benefit of posterity – I wrote a series on HOW TO DRINK ALCOHOL and posted it online on my blogs in the year 2011 – and revised versions later – in 2012 and 2013.

Nowadays – many youngsters – boys and girls – drink alcohol.

Sadly – I observe that – many youngsters do not know how to enjoy drinking – and – how to get the best from alcohol.

The evidence of this is the increased propensity towards drunkenness – which can lead to all sorts of consequences – including – personal harm, misbehaviour, violence, brawls, inappropriate behaviour, date rape, drunk driving, accidents etc

Sometime ago – during a “Cocktail Party” – which was more of a drunken spree with wild dancing – I observed many persons who got terribly drunk and made a spectacle of themselves.

From time to time – you hear of the increasing number of drunken driving accidents.

All this prompts me to delve into my “alcoholic archives” and post – once again – Part 4 of my series on “How to Drink Alcohol” on the topic HOW TO FIND OUT YOUR DRINKING CAPACITY (Alcohol Tolerance Level)

Every individual has a different drinking capacity – and if you want to avoid getting drunk – you must know your alcohol tolerance level.

Below this article – I am giving the links to my posts (Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6) of my series on HOW TO DRINK ALCOHOL.

Cheers – Enjoy !!!

HOW TO DRINK ALCOHOL - Part 4

HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR DRINKING CAPACITY or ALCOHOL TOLERANCE LEVEL

( “Flash Point” and “Fire Point” Method )

By

VIKRAM KARVE

HOW MUCH SHOULD YOU DRINK

It is best not to drink alcohol.

But if you do drink then you must ask yourself: “Why do I drink?”

You drink because you want to “feel good”.

If you drink too much you will get drunk.

When you get drunk you hardly feel or remember anything – since your senses are dulled.

But if you get inebriated – in your intoxicated and drunken state – you will make a fool of yourself – and you may embarrass your near and dear ones.

And on the morning after your alcoholic binge – you will certainly feel miserable when you come to your senses from your drunken stupor – and suffer the pains of a terrible hangover.

The Moot Question is: “HOW MUCH SHOULD YOU DRINK...?”

If you drink too little – well then – there is no point in drinking alcohol at all. 

You might as well have some fruit juice – or a soft drink – or a glass of milk. 

You may find it laughable – but at some parties – I have seen some persons just holding a drink in their hands just for keeping up appearances to show others that they drink.

They do this because they want to project a “proper” image before their hard drinking bosses and colleagues – and – they don’t want their hard-drinking colleagues and friends to call them a “sissy”. 

There is no shame in being a Teetotaller – in fact you should be proud of it. 

By the way – after over 25 years of “work hard – play hard – drink hard” – Navy Style Living – I too am living a life of sobriety for the last 15 years.

I write this series as I wish to share my drinking experiences with you – and enable you to take more out of alcohol than alcohol takes out of you.

So – if you want to truly enjoy drinking – you must drink just the right amount of alcohol that makes you feel good.

The Aim of drinking alcohol is to feel “HIGH” – not to get Drunk 

And – of course – the aim of drinking is not to remain dead sober as a teetotaller – in which case – it is a waste of good liquor.

So – here is the answer to the question “How Much Should You Drink”:

You must never drink just to “keep up appearances” to avoid being called a “prude” or a “sissy”.

If you drink too little – well then – there is no point in drinking alcohol at all – besides it a waste of good liquor (and your money).

You must drink enough – just that much so that you feel “high” – but you must not get drunk.

And – for achieving this delightful “high” state – you must know your “drinking capacity” which depends on your “alcohol tolerance level” 

HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR DRINKING CAPACITY 

Well – it was through sheer serendipity that I discovered my drinking capacity. 

This method worked for me. 

I named it the  “FLASH POINT” and “FIRE POINT” Test

To find out whether it works for you – do try it out – at your own risk – and tell us how it worked for you.

Ingredients Required for “FLASH POINT” and “FIRE POINT” Test

You will need the following which you must keep handy on a table next to your chair:

1. A Bottle of Rum or Whisky or adequate quantity of your regular drink (If you drink shots, line enough of them up). It is best to start with a full bottle so you can measure (estimate) the amount of liquor you are drinking.

2. A Book (with comfortable font size)

3. Water

“FLASH POINT” and “FIRE POINT” TEST METHODOLOGY

Before I describe the technique – let me impart to you some “theory”.

If you were a science student – you must have performed a chemistry laboratory experiment to find out the FLASH POINT and FIRE POINT of a fuel. 

You start heating the volatile liquid. 

The flash point occurs when the fuel exhibits a flash. 

The fuel is heated further – and the fire point occurs when the volatile material catches fire and starts burning and continues to burn.

Applying the same analogy to drinking alcohol – you can say that your “flash point” occurs when you are “high” 

Yes – at your “flash point” you have reached your drinking capacity.

If you keep on drinking after your “flash point” – then you will reach your “fire point” – which is an inebriated state of drunkenness.  

Your aim is to remain happily high around your “flash point” – and in no circumstances must you cross your “fire point”.

But – how do you find out your “flash point”...?

DRINKING CAPACITY TEST PROCEDURE – 10 SIMPLE STEPS

Here is the technique of how to “measure” your “flash point” or drinking capacity in 10 simple steps:

1. Drink a glass of water. 

This is to stabilize you in case you are dehydrated – and to get you ready for the experiment.

2. Pour your normal drink.

3. Pick up the book and start reading.

4. Keep drinking at your normal pace and also keep reading continuously. 

Take your time – sip your drink – and focus on the book. 

If you finish your drink – pour another one. 

Keep on drinking as long as you can read easily and comprehend clearly what you are reading.

5. The moment you reach a state where your concentration starts wavering you are reaching your “flash point”. 

As you drink and read – a point will come when – you can read the words – but you realize that you are not clearly registering what you are reading in your mind. 

This is your “FLASH POINT”.

At your “flash point” you will be in that delightful state of alcohol induced emotional flux which makes you feel “high”.

6. If you continue drinking alcohol beyond your “flash point” – you will reach a hazy state where the words in the book will appear blurred – and – you have difficulty in reading – as your eyes may not focus properly.

You have now reached your “FIRE POINT” (alcohol induced intoxication).

7. Once you reach your “fire point” – you must stop drinking alcohol immediately.

Now drink a glass of water and relax. 

Soon – you will gravitate back from your “fire point” towards your “flash point” – and feel less drunk.

However – if you continue drinking beyond your “fire point” – you will get inebriated and become drunk.

8. Measure (estimate) the amount of liquor you have drunk to reach your “FLASH POINT”. 

This is your “drinking capacity” or alcohol tolerance level (as on that day).

9. Repeat this experiment a number of times (on different days) – yes – do the “FLASH POINT”–“FIRE POINT” experiment at least 10 times.

10. By successive iteration – fine tune the results – and soon – you will know your “drinking capacity” (alcohol tolerance level).

ALCOHOL TOLERANCE LEVEL

There is a saying: “First you drink alcohol – and then alcohol drinks you”.

Similarly – till you reach your “flash point” – you are the one drinking alcohol. 

At your “flash point” – you have reached the limit of your control – but you still have control.

Near your “flash point” you will experience the “high” feeling which alcohol gives you.

When you get this “high” feeling – you must stop drinking at once.

You will remain “high” for sometime – enjoying the euphoric sensation – and then you will have a pleasant relaxing feeling as the “high” gradually tapers off – and – this is the best time to drift off into a nice sleep. 

However – if you continue drinking beyond your “flash point” – you will reach your “fire point”.

Once you reach your “fire point” – you will lose control – and – alcohol will take charge of you.

Now – it is the alcohol which will “drink” you – and you will get drunk. 

Let me sound a note of caution.

If you drink frequently – your alcohol tolerance will increase.

Increased Alcohol Tolerance means that after continued drinking – consumption of a constant amount of alcohol produces a lesser effect – which means that larger amounts of alcohol are necessary to produce the same effect. 

Thus – you will need to drink more alcohol to reach your “flash point” to get a “high”. 

In effect – if you drink regularly – your “drinking capacity” increases. 

As you continue drinking – this has a snowballing effect.

Having a great drinking capacity may be a “macho” thing to boast about – and may win the admiration of your friends and colleagues.

However – high alcohol tolerance indicates a propensity towards alcoholism in later years.

So – you better watch out.

High alcohol tolerance level (good drinking capacity) is not necessarily something to be proud of or boast about.

Regular consumption of alcohol will raise your drinking capacity – which in turn will tempt you drink more to reach your “flash point”.

And – if you continue this habit of drinking – you may develop alcohol dependence – and you may eventually slip into the abyss of alcoholism.

So – if you realize that your “flash point” has increased – it is best to abstain from drinking for a few days – till your “flash point” falls to a reasonable level.

The less you drink – the better it is for your body – so – in fact – it is advantageous to have a low drinking capacity.

But then – you must remember never to cross your “flash point”.

Avoid binge drinking and competitive drinking – as this can damage your health.

Like I said in the beginning – it is best not to drink alcohol – but if you do drink – remember – as Winston Churchill once said – that:

You must take more out of Alcohol – than Alcohol takes out of You.

And – how do you do that...? 

Well – that I will tell you in my series on the golden rules of drinking alcohol.

Happy “FLASH POINT”. 

And 

May you never reach your “FIRE POINT”. 

Remember: 

The Aim of Drinking Alcohol is to feel “HIGH” – Not to get DRUNK 

Do let me know if this “Flash Point” and “Fire Point” method helped you discover your drinking capacity.

Here are some other posts in my Series HOW TO DRINK ALCOHOL (links open in new window):

1. DOES ALCOHOL BRING OUT THE BEST IN YOU?

http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/10/how-to-drink-alcohol-part-1-does.html

2. NEVER DRINK WHEN YOU “NEED” A DRINK

http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/10/how-to-drink-alcohol-part-2-never-drink.html

3. DRINK TO FEEL NICE - NOT TO GET DRUNK

http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/10/how-to-drink-alcohol-part-3-drink-to.html

4. BOOZE WISDOM - ARE YOU A BORN ALCOHOLIC

http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/09/booze-wisdom-are-you-born-alcoholic.html

5. THE HIGHER YOU GO THE MORE YOU DRINK

http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/03/humor-in-uniform-olq-alcohol-tolerance.html

6. HOW TO QUIT DRINKING

http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/06/how-to-quit-drinking-easy-way-alcohol.html

Cheers !!! 

Have you found out your drinking capacity...?

Did this method work for you...?

I look forward to your feedback.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This article is based on my personal experience. It may or may not work for you. So please do due diligence before trying out this technique.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)