HUMOUR IN UNIFORM
“FAUJI” PHOBIAS and “AULD LANG SYNE” SYNDROME
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE
PROSOPHOBIA
Prosophobia is the fear of progress.
I have seen plenty of this during my days in the navy.
And I still see plenty of it in the army, navy and civilian bureaucracy even now.
LIVING IN THE GLORIOUS PAST (The “Good Old” Days)
Let me tell you a story.
This happened was sometime in the early 1980’s when I was in New Delhi.
A young officer put up a proposal to give residential phones to all naval officers posted in New Delhi.
Those days residential phones were given only to senior officers of the rank of Commander and above (in fact, even some Commanders did not have residential phones).
On the other hand all civilian officers of the rank of Under Secretary and above had residential phones.
This young Communications Officer had done his homework thoroughly and showed that within the existing budget it was feasible to give residential phones to all Lieutenants and above.
“No,” bellowed the Senior Officer, “there is no need to give phones to piddly Lieutenants. In my days – I did not have a phone even when I was a Commander.”
“Maybe when he was a Lieutenant – telephones did not exist,” I said, tongue-in-cheek.
“Oh yes. It looks like this bloody old-fogie was born before Alexander Graham Bell – when the telephone was not even invented,” someone quipped.
This a typical example of prosophobia due to what I call the “Auld Lang Syne Syndrome”.
I was aghast to see that even 30 years later things had not changed and there was still a reluctance among senior officers to give official land-line telephone connections and mobile cellphones to junior officers because of prosophobia.
This prosophobic mindset had not changed and the services were still living in the “glorious” past.
Of course, with the advent of cell phone technology, now every officer now had his own personal mobile phone and no one hankers too much for a landline official phone).
Of course, there was an attempt by some “oldie-goldie” types to ban/restrict mobile phones in some offices which failed miserably.
It seems that the latest “target” of the prosophobia afflicted “Auld Lang Syne Syndrome” officers of the “old mould” is Social Networking and some are even contemplating banning Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp etc for service personnel and their families.
There is a need for prosophobics to realize that it is difficult to stop an idea whose time has come.
PROSOPHOBIA IN THE MILITARY
The primary reason for Prosophobia in the defence services is the Auld Lang Syne Syndrome among senior officers:
1. In our good old days we did not have it – so why do you want it ... ???
(we did not have a telephone at home – so why do you want a phone at home?)
2. We did it this way – so you also bloody well do it the same way ... !!!
(we managed without a telephone – so you too bloody well manage without a phone)
These retrograde guys have a feudal mindset want to live in “past glory”.
They are not even satisfied with maintaining status quo.
They want status quo ante and want to regress into the past.
Yes, “precedence” and “status quo” are sure signs of prosophobia.
The world may have progressed but there is great resistance to change.
There is reluctance to progress and move on, owing to the fixation of “living in the glorious days of the past”.
This results in an irrational obsession with archaic customs and traditions which have outlived their utility and are not in sync with the modern world.
TECHNOPHOBIA
Another reason for Prosophobia is Technophobia (fear of technology).
This is prevalent especially among those senior officers who are disinclined and reticent to continual learning and they are averse to embracing new technology.
They are not keen on updating themselves and unwilling to learn.
These officers are afraid of getting out their comfort zones.
Believe it or not, but as late as 2006, I came across a senior army officer who was computer-illiterate.
This “Relic of the Raj” believed that it was below his dignity to “type”.
He thought Personal Computers (PCs) were glorified typewriters.
He believed that as an officer his job was to “dictate” notes and it was the job of the lowly stenographers and clerks to type out his dictations.
Another Pongo was even more hilarious.
This typical Colonel Blimp type old-fashioned “officer of the old-mould” prosophobic officer wanted his secretary to take printouts of all emails.
The secretary would then put the printouts of all incoming emails of the previous day in the “dak folder” every morning for his “perusal”.
He would then dictate replies to these emails to his secretary or write them out in longhand.
The secretary would then “type” out these replies, take printouts on paper, put up these drafts for approval.
Then the secretary would meticulously “type” the emails and send them and then take a hard-copy printout of sent mails for his perusal and to file for record..
All “papers” were carefully filed and preserved.
Instead of using Information Technology to achieve a paperless office, this prosophobic specimen had actually increased the paperwork.
In many places, especially in accounts offices, I have seen that there is great emphasis of paper-work.
You can see a marked reluctance among senior officers to embrace Information Technology (IT) and make administration paperless, transparent and speedy.
Surprisingly – once these senior officers shed their uniform after retirement – these same “prosophobic” officers are seen adapting pretty well to information technology and using the latest gadgets – which is evident from the active presence of military veterans on social networking sites like Twitter, WhatsApp, Facebook and in the blogosphere.
I wonder: Is it wearing uniform that makes one prosophobic?
Is uniform related to prosophobia?
ANTI-INTELLECTUALISM and STATUS QUOIST MINDSET
A manifestation of prosophobia is the presence of an anti-intellectual culture in the organisation.
If you observe an undue obsession with maintaining “status quo” and a celebration of “anti-intellectualism” you can be sure of the existence of prosophobia in that organisation, especially at the top level.
You see plenty of this in the army and navy.
Feudal culture, red tape, rank consciousness, steep hierarchical pyramid and inordinate emphasis on seniority and obsession with preserving the hierarchy are indicators of prosophobia.
And these attributes are seen in plenty even today in the military and many civilian government organisation as well.
Hopefully things are changing for the better, but you still see signs of prosophobia (and technophobia) all around.
Last year I visited a Military Hospital where they were still using paper chits.
Patients were lugging around voluminous paper medical reports despite the easy availability of hospital management software which could make these military hospitals paperless.
Owing to Auld Lang Syne Syndrome, Prosophobia, Technophobia and Status Quoist Mindset there exists a marked reluctance to change in the military, especially among senior officers.
There is a tendency to hang on to archaic customs, outdated traditions, outmoded culture and redundant ceremonials which have no relevance in modern times.
One example of this is the system of providing combat soldiers as batmen or personal orderlies (sahayaks) to officers in the army.
Do you think this feudal practice is in sync with the modern society of today?
Do look around you in your organization and in society – do you see prosophobia?
VENUSTRAPHOBIA - a phobia which does not exist in the Navy
Before I end – on a lighter note – let me tell you about one more interesting phobia.
This phobia is called Venustraphobia.
Do you know what Venustraphobia means?
Believe it or not – Venustraphobia is the fear of beautiful women.
I wonder who is afraid of beautiful women – men or women or both?
One thing is sure – you may see signs of prosophobia here and there – but there is absolutely no Venustraphobia in the Navy.
Cheers!
Have a happy phobia-free day.
VIKRAM KARVE
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1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
Disclaimer:
1. This story is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
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