Tuesday, March 26, 2013

POSSESSIVENESS KILLS RELATIONSHIPS : DON’T CLING – “LET GO”


POSSESSIVENESS KILLS RELATIONSHIPS
You Must Learn to “Let Go”
Tuesday Morning Musings
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Let me tell you a story.

It happened in the year 1982.

We were a newly married couple.

Our family of three (my wife, me and our cute 3 month old little girl – our pet dog Sherry – an tiny Apso puppy we got as a wedding gift) lived happily in a small one-room flat in Curzon Road Apartments on Kasturba Gandhi Marg in New Delhi (where I was then posted).

Our house was in a fantastic location, everything was nearby - the lush greenery of India Gate, the posh Connaught Place (CP), the foodie delights Bengali Market and Pandara Place, Movie Halls, Auditoriums, Libraries, Offices, Exhibition Grounds, Restaurants, you name it and it was there – even my office was nearby – it was the best location in Delhi, ideal for a newly married couple, and we really enjoyed living there.

Suddenly, one morning, my wife felt “homesick”. 

She said that she missed her mother and her father and that she was yearning to meet them.

This is what I did on hearing of her desire.

The first thing I did on reaching office was to get airline concession forms for my wife ready (those days defence personnel and their families got 50% concession on Indian Airlines).

Then I went to the Indian Airlines office near CP and booked my wife on the afternoon flight to Srinagar.

(Yes, those days, my father-in-law who was in the army was posted to Srinagar)

I came home, told my “stunned” wife to pack her bag, and dropped her on my scooter to the airport in time to catch the afternoon flight to Srinagar.

After the flight had taken off I rang up my father-in-law from the STD Booth at the airport and asked him to pick her up from Srinagar Airport.

He was taken aback and totally surprised on hearing the unexpected news that his daughter was on her way to Srinagar.

He asked me the reason for her sudden visit.

I told him the truth – that she was feeling “homesick”.

I also told him that I had no problem even if she stayed with them for as long as she liked.

My wife returned within a week.

I have learnt in life that undue possessiveness kills relationships. The trick is to “let go” – never try to hold on to someone – if he or she wants to go, just let them go.

I do not claim to have a “successful” marriage. Success is a qualitative and subjective thing. And arranged marriages are hardly expected to “rock” like love marriages.

But we can certainly claim to have had a long and enduring marriage – we have been married for 31 years now.

Is it a happy marriage?

Well, as far as I am concerned, I am quite happy – but whether my wife is happy or not, you’ll have to ask her. 

By the way, even now I have “let go” of my wife and she has gone to live with my daughter who wants her for help in packing.

She has been away for just three days and I find it quite amusing that my wife has started “missing” me already and wants to come back, but I have told her not to hurry and to stay there for a few more days!

You’ve got the gist, haven’t you?

If you “let go” it will come back.

If it doesn’t come back, then it was not worth holding onto anyway.

This applies to things, this applies to people, this applies to all kinds of relationships, at work and in your personal life, to your spouse, children, parents, friends, lovers, everyone you are in a relationship with.

Just “Let Go”.

I have also observed one thing in life – maybe I’ll call it the “Vikram Karve Dictum”:

“What you run after, runs away from you

What you run away from, runs after you”

This happened to me too – during my days of inchoate romance and unrequited love – but that’s another story which I will tell you soon.

For now, just remember that possessiveness kills relationships.

DON’T CLING – “LET GO

Wish you a Good Day ahead – have a really happy Tuesday

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2013
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Did you like this post?
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About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional  and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@hotmail.com
Twitter: @vikramkarve
      
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

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