Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: profit

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Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Concept of Notional Loss – Story of the Man who wanted to have a Heart Attack

THE MAN WHO WANTED TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK

Theory of Notional Loss

A Spoof

VIKRAM KARVE

One day – a man went to visit a patient in hospital.

The patient was his office colleague convalescing in hospital after heart surgery – following a massive heart attack.

Fascinated by the sophisticated and luxurious facilities in the hospital – the man asked his recuperating friend how much the heart surgery had cost him.

“Over 5 lakhs...” the patient said.

“My God – 5 Lakhs – that’s expensive. How can you afford it...?”

“Medical Reimbursement...” the patient said.

“Medical Reimbursement...? Does that mean that you don’t have to pay any money for all this medical treatment...?”

“Of course I don’t have to pay from my own pocket – they pay everything. That is why I joined the medical health insurance scheme. All office staff are members of this scheme. You too are a member – aren’t you...? So even if you have a heart surgery – they will pay everything.”

“Really...? Is it true. If I have a heart attack right here – here and now – will they will pay for all my treatment...?” the man asked.

“Of course they will pay. You are a member of the health insurance scheme. You are entitled all medical treatment – just like me...” the patient said.

For some time – the man kept brooding.

He appeared to be in low spirits.

Then suddenly – the man started shouting in the hospital:

“I want to have a heart attack – I want to have a heart attack...”

Everyone was stunned by his strange behaviour.

Doctors tried to calm him down.

But – the man kept on screaming loudly:

“I want to have a heart attack – I want to have a heart attack...”

So – they evicted him from the hospital.

Later – when he had cooled down – his wife and his friends asked him the reason for his crazy behaviour in the hospital.

“I have lost 5 Lakh Rupees...!!!” the man said.

“You have lost 5 lakh Rupees...? Where...? How did you lose Five Lakh Rupees...?” they all asked

“I lost 5 lakh rupees worth of medical reimbursement just because I did not have a heart attack. That is why I want to have a heart attack. So I will get 5 lakh rupees for a heart surgery and medical treatment which is my entitlement...” the man said.

And then – the man started shouting again:

“I want to have a heart attack – I want to have a heart attack...”

Soon – the man became crazy.

So – they admitted him into the psychiatric ward for treatment.

Of course – since he had gone crazy – he would receive “medical reimbursement” for the cost of “psychiatric treatment”.

So – at last – he had got pyrrhic justice.

The “notional loss” he had suffered because he had not had a heart attack – this “notional loss” would now be mitigated to some extent because he had gone crazy...!

He wanted medical re-imbursement for “cardiac treatment”.

Instead – he would now get medical re-imbursement for “psychiatric treatment”.

Yes – he had suffered a “notional loss” because he did not have a heart attack.

But now – since he had gone insane – he would make good at least a part of the “notional loss” he had suffered – since he would be reimbursed the cost of psychiatric treatment.

Dear Reader:

Look back on your life and tell us:

Have you “suffered” such “notional losses” too – because you did not fully avail of all perks/facilities you were entitled to...?

PS: To end on a lighter note – a Military Veteran who was a strict Teetotaller – who never drank alcohol in his entire life – he told me that he had suffered great “notional loss” – because – he had never availed of the monthly Concessional CSD “Liquor Quota” during his entire Military Career of 35 years – and even now – after retirement – he continues to suffer “notional loss” since he does not draw his monthly “Liquor Quota”.

VIKRAM KARVE

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Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Revised Version on My Story written be me long back in 1980s and posted online by me earlier at urls: http://creative.sulekha.com/heart-attack_74770_blog and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2010/11/notional-loss.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/12/do-you-want-to-have-heart-attack-humor.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/08/the-man-who-wanted-to-have-heart-attack.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/06/notional-loss-story.html etc

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Notional Loss – A Story

After hearing a debate on the 7th Central Pay Commission (7CPC) announced today – which seems to have dissatisfied many employees – I remembered this story.

Why did I remember this story...?

Read the story – and you figure it out...

THE MAN WHO WANTED TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK

Theory of Notional Loss

A Spoof

VIKRAM KARVE

One day – a man went to visit a patient in hospital.

The patient was his office colleague convalescing in hospital after heart surgery – following a massive heart attack.

Fascinated by the sophisticated and luxurious facilities in the hospital – the man asked his recuperating friend how much the heart surgery had cost him.

“Over five lakhs,” the patient said.

“My God – that’s expensive. How can you afford it...?”

“Medical Reimbursement...” the patient said.

“Medical Reimbursement...? Does that mean that you don’t have to pay any money for all this medical treatment...?”

“Of course I don’t have to pay from my own pocket – they pay everything. That is why I joined the medical health insurance scheme. All office staff are members of this scheme – you too are a member – aren’t you...? So even if you have a heart surgery – they will pay everything.”

“Really...? Is it true. If I have a heart attack right here – here and now – will they will pay for all my treatment...?” the man asked.

“Of course they will pay. You are a member of the health insurance scheme. You are entitled all medical treatment – just like me...” the patient said.

For some time – the man kept brooding – and he appeared to be in low spirits.

Then – he suddenly started shouting in the hospital:

“I want to have a heart attack – I want to have a heart attack...”

Everyone was stunned by his strange behaviour.

Doctors tried to calm him down.

But – the man kept on screaming loudly:

“I want to have a heart attack – I want to have a heart attack...”

So – they evicted him from the hospital.

Later when he had cooled down – his wife and his friends asked him the reason for his crazy behaviour in the hospital.

“I have lost 5 Lakh Rupees...!” the man said.

“You have lost 5 lakh Rupees...? Where...? How did you lose Five Lakhs Rupees...?” they all asked

And then – he started shouting again:

“I want to have a heart attack – I want to have a heart attack...”

Soon – the man became crazy.

So – they admitted him into the psychiatric ward for treatment.

Of course – though he had gone crazy – he would receive medical reimbursement for the cost of psychiatric treatment.

So – at last – he had got pyrrhic justice.

The notional loss he had suffered because he had not had a heart attack – would now be mitigated to some extent because he had gone crazy...!

Yes – he had suffered a notional loss because he did not have a heart attack.

But now – since he had gone insane – he would make good at least a part of the notional loss he had suffered – since he would be reimbursed the cost of psychiatric treatment.

Look back on your life – have you “suffered” such “notional losses” too...?

VIKRAM KARVE

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

Copyright Notice:

Monday, June 6, 2016

The “Punter” – A Story

THE PUNTER

Short Fiction – A Story

VIKRAM KARVE

He was not a Bull.

He was not a Bear.

He was a Punter.

Yes – that is why we nicknamed him: “Punter”.

He did not bother about gobbledygook like fundamentals, technicals etc.

He did not have an inkling of financial algorithms and risk heuristics.

He never “analyzed” the share market – he just speculated by sheer gut feeling.

He instinctively knew how to time the market.

That is why he always made money – whether the stock market boomed – or it crashed.

He had made so much money – that he could have retired and enjoyed a luxurious lifestyle.

But then – he had got addicted to making money by playing the stock market.

Yes – the “Punter” got a kick out of “making” money – rather than “enjoying” his money.

So – despite his advancing years – the “Punter” kept on playing the share market with more and more vigour – and – he continued to make more and more money.

Earlier – in the good old days – he would spend his entire time in the “ring” at the Stock Exchange on Dalal Street.

Now he would sit all day – all stressed up – in his room – glued to his TV – flipping all the financial channels – his fingers alert on his Laptop and Smartphone – for instant online trading – via the internet.

He had no interests, no hobbies, no pleasures, no loves.

He just enjoyed one thing – playing the stock market – and making money.

That was his only passion in life.

One day – his lifestyle took its toll – and – he had a massive heart attack.

They rushed him to the best hospital in Mumbai.

The doctors said he would require a bypass surgery.

So – they admitted him to the best room in the hospital.

Instead of relaxing in his hospital room – he sat whole day watching the stock-market channels on the wall-mounted TV – doing feverish online trading on his smartphone – and – he continued making a lot a money – and he was very happy.

But – the doctors were not happy.

The doctors said that all this share-market business was causing him a lot of excitement – which was not good for his already erratic heart.

So – one morning – they suddenly removed the TV and his smartphone – and – they even banned all visitors except me – his best friend – and his son – who was a successful investment banker.

“Total rest,” the doctors warned all of us, “he needs total rest – both mental and physical – and only then will he be able to stabilize and be ready for the surgery.”

It was the first time he had to suffer a day of total rest isolated from the outside world.

It was the worst day of his life.

The entire morning he kept asking about stock prices – and – he asked me for my cell-phone to connect up with the stock exchanges and find out – but I refused – since we were told to strictly isolate him from that world of shares and stocks and trading.

I could realize that he was passing through hell – he was suffering unimaginable mental agony at not getting information about the stock market – the very thing that had been his bread and butter – even the raison d'etre of his existence.

After lunch he dozed off.

Then he suddenly he woke up – and he asked me: “What is the time?”

“2:30,” I said.

“Good. There is still time. I want to speak to my son,” he said.

“He is coming at 4 PM...” I said.

“No. I want to speak to him now. It is urgent,” he said.

“Your son will be busy now – in his office…” I said.

“I told you it is urgent. Just get him on the phone…” he said excitedly, his breathing getting heavy.

“Okay. Okay. Calm down,” I said.

I dialled his son’s mobile number.

Soon – his son came on the line.

I asked him to speak to his father.

“Sell all shares – sell all shares...” the man shouted at his son via the mobile phone.

“What?” I could hear his son’s surprised voice.

“Don’t ask any questions. You just do what I say. Sell all my shares – do you understand – sell all my shares – everything. Do it now. Today. Before the closing bell. Sell everything online. Right now. You know the user id and password of my trading account – don't you...? So – just log on now and sell all my shares – do it now...” the old man shouted to his son.

“Okay, Papa,” I could hear his son’s voice, before he disconnected.

The old man kept on pestering me to ring up his son and confirm that his son had sold all his shares, as instructed – so I rang up his son half an hour later.

“Yes, Papa – I have sold all the shares in online trading,” the son confirmed.

The old man seemed tremendously relieved – and he went to sleep peacefully.

That night – at home – sitting before my TV set – I watched with concern as all the share-market experts on the financial channels predicted that the market was very solid and bullish.

All financial experts recommended that everyone buy shares – as the market was going to go up and up and up.

“Invest ... Invest ... Invest ... Buy ... Buy ... Buy ...” all the experts said in unison.

It seemed to me that my old friend the “Punter” had made a big mistake by selling all his shares – at a time when the stock market was sure to rise and shoot up.

What a blunder he had committed.

The market was at an all time high – but things were looking so good – that it was going to rise phenomenally – and your investment would probably double in a few months – all the experts predicted.

The experts kept quoting analysis in technical jargon I never understood to substantiate their predictions.

Everyone said that the stock-market was going to shoot up to new heights.

Next morning the stock-market crashed.

It was the biggest fall ever in the history of the share-market.

Most investors were wiped out.

Everyone incurred huge losses – except the old man and me.

Did I say: “The Old Man and Me...?”

Yes – the “Punter” and “Me” seemed to be the only two people who had made a profit in this stock-market crash.

Dear Reader – you’re surprised – aren’t you?

Let me tell you what I did.

On the previous afternoon – the moment the Punter had finished speaking to his son telling him to sell all his shares – I went outside the hospital room.

I called up my broker – and I told him to immediately sell off all my stocks and shares.

The broker was hesitant – but I told him that I needed the money urgently – so I wanted to book my profits and get out of the stock market for now.

As I told you – the very next morning after we sold all our stocks and shares – the stock-market crashed.

The Punter must have made a huge profit selling off all his shares just before the stock-market crashed.

And – as always – playing along with him – I too had made a small fortune by selling off the few shares I had.

As always – I had blindly followed the Punter.

And – as always – I had profited by blindly imitating whatever he did in the stock market.

The Punter heard the news of the stock-market crash from a careless nurse.

The Punter got so excited on hearing the news of the stock-market crash – that he almost went crazy with excitement and happiness – thinking of the huge amount of money he had made.

The frenzy of ecstasy caused his blood pressure to go haywire – his heartbeats ran amok – and suddenly – the Punter collapsed and he died instantaneously.

I gave a condolence speech at the old man’s funeral in which I praised him profusely.

I told everyone how I had made a fortune in the stock-market by just following him blindly.

Later – the old man’s son took me aside – and he asked me: “Did you really sell all your shares?”

“Yes,” I said, “I had blind faith in your father.”

“I wish I had blind faith in his mysterious ways. But I am an investment banker. I don’t go by gut instinct, like my father did. I analyze things. I never imagined the stock market would crash so badly. In fact I thought the market would go up and it would be foolish to sell such excellent blue chip shares,” the young man said.

I looked at Punter’s son – and I asked him: “Are you trying to tell me that you did not sell all the shares as your father had told you to do...?”

“No. I never sold those shares. I am big fool. Had I listened to my father and sold all the shares – I would have made a big fortune. But – I did not sell those shares – and now – after the stock-market crash – the prices of the shares have rock-bottomed...” the young man said, with a tone of regret in his voice.

“I cannot believe it. You never sold the shares...? Not even a single one...?” I said.

“No – I did not sell even one single share,” he said.

“Then why did you lie to your father that you sold all the shares...?” I asked.

“I told him that I had sold all the shares because I wanted him to die happy,” he said, “I lied to my father because I wanted my father to die a happy death.”

VIKRAM KARVE

Disclaimer:

This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

This Story is a Revised Version of My Story THE PUNTER written by me 5 years ago in the year 2011 and earlier posted by me online in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog on 25 May 2011 Posted by me Vikram Karve at 5/25/2011 11:38:00 PM at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2011/05/punter.html and reposted on my blogs a number of time later at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/09/stock-market-crash.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/01/humor-in-money-punter-and-investment.html etc

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Concept of Notional Loss – Story of the Man who wanted to have a Heart Attack

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Notional Loss – A Story

Monday, June 6, 2016

The “Punter” – A Story

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