Showing posts with label athashri. Show all posts
Showing posts with label athashri. Show all posts

Friday, December 28, 2012

OLD AGE SCARE


OLD AGE SCARE
Musings
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Sometime ago I visited a distant relative, an uncle. He is 75 years old and his wife is 72 years old. Both their sons have migrated abroad to the USA and are married and live there with their families in America and have no intention of returning back to India.

In most cases, elderly Indian parents do not want to go to America to live with their kids settled over there.

But this couple was an exception – they wanted to spend the autumn of their lives with their children and grandchildren in America. Their children also wanted them to come to America and live there comfortably along with them .

“So why don’t you go over there and live with your kids?” I asked them.

My uncle beckoned me and took me to a bedroom.  There was frail old lady sleeping on the bed. My uncle pointed to her and said, “That is my mother-in-law. She is 96 years old. We are stuck here because of her. We can’t go anywhere because of her – forget about going abroad, or outstation – we can’t even go out in Pune City for more than a few hours as we have to literally lock her inside and go out.”

Just imagine. At the age of 75 when he himself is in need of care, he has to look after his 96 year old mother. Yes, this 75 year old uncle has had a heart attack himself and his wife too does not keep too well. And yet, in their seventies they are expected to look after the mother-in-law who is in her mid-nineties. They have no choice – where will the old woman go?

Of course, his kids won’t have that problem, since they are well settled in America and have no intention of coming back to India. And when they get old they will not have to depend on their children to look after them since out there in the USA I am sure there are excellent facilities for old age care like retirement communities with assisted living facilities which are not available in India. There are no adult care facilities or proper retirement homes with assisted living facilities in India and senior citizens are left to the mercy of their children. And if their children have migrated abroad then the old people have to fend for themselves in the autumn of their lives.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

OLD AGE WOES - LONELY WIDOWS OF PUNE


OLD AGE WOES
LONELY WIDOWS OF PUNE
Rumination
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Last week we decided to visit our senior citizen relatives and acquaintances above the age of 75 to personally deliver an invitation (though officially you are a “senior citizen” when you become 60 we consider only those above 75 as truly deserving of the epithet “senior citizen”).

We visited around 30 homes of senior citizens above 75 and this is what we observed.

There was only one surviving couple and only one widower – the rest were all widows (yes, 28 out of the 30 were widows).

Of course, we know that women have better longevity and outlive men, but the proportion was surprising.

From our sample, it appears that more than 90 % of senior citizens above the age of 75 are women.

At first, we were quite bewildered that almost all persons above the age of 75 are women, but when we looked around a bit more, in our colony and in a few more neighbourhoods in Pune and, to our surprise, we found that this is quite universally true. Widows greatly outnumber widowers. Yes, there are many more widows than widowers, at least in Pune.

Now to come back to our main story, we found that only 3 out of the 30 were living with their children – 1 widower and 2 widows. The remaining were living a forlorn and lonely life, all by themselves, all alone.

This means that 90 % of senior citizens above 75 are widows and of these over 90 % of these aged widows live by themselves, all alone.

Quite baffling statistics.

Dear Reader, is it the same in your city or is it different?

Lest you think that all these hapless widows have been “abandoned” by their children, let me assure you that it is not so.

In almost all cases the children had migrated abroad (mostly to the USA) and the children were well settled and financially well-to-do.

The children were quite willing to look after their parents and in fact almost all widows had green cards or visas and used to visit their children quite often.

But despite their lonely existence and failing health, these senior citizen widows were unwilling to migrate abroad and live with their children.

Now this really surprised me.

Yes, these elderly widows were quite well-off and lived in decent homes (some even had quite luxurious bungalows and apartments all to themselves).

Only one widow lived in a senior citizens’ “retirement community” (a glorified euphemism for an “old age home” albeit a luxurious one).

When we asked the forlorn aged widows why they did not settle abroad with their kids, they did not give a specific answer but gave ambiguous replies like “I don’t like it there” or “I prefer my independence” or “I find it very lonely over there”.

Now, this last answer befuddled us – how can an elderly aging widow be more lonely over there in America living with her children and grandchildren when over here in India she has to live a lonely life, absolutely alone, all by herself?

Well I don’t know the answer, so if you do know why, please tell us.

Do comment and let us know whether you have observed a similar trend where you live or is it different?

And do tell us your views especially if you live in America or abroad and have your aged parents living alone in India and face a similar situation.

I thought senior citizens would prefer to live in America with their children, enjoying all the excellent facilities and comfortable lifestyle available in the USA, rather than live a lonely life in India, which not quite a friendly, easy and safe place for solitary senior citizens.

Well you, dear reader, please tell us the answers to all that.

But one thing is sure – it looks as if we too are going to be in the same boat when our time comes.

That’s why I have already started searching for a good “retirement home” – can you help me find a good one – a “senior citizens housing community” and “old age home” – call it what you like – if you know a good one, do let us know.

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Did you like this article?
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About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.


Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com      

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
  

Friday, August 26, 2011

MY FAVOURITE SHORT STORIES Part 30 - I WANT TO GO HOME

MY FAVOURITE SHORT STORIES Part 30
I WANT TO GO HOME 
Short Fiction - A Story 
By 
VIKRAM KARVE 
 
From my Creative Writing Archives: A story I wrote a few years ago
 
“I want to go home!” the father, a redoubtable intrepid tough looking old man, around seventy, shouts emphatically at his son, "I have had a terrible time out here for the last one month that you dumped us here."  
 
“Please Baba. Don’t create a scene,” the son, an effeminate looking man in his mid-forties, says softly.  
 
“What do you mean don’t create a scene?” the old man shouts even louder, waving his walking stick in a menacing manner.
  
“Please calm down! Everyone is looking at us!” an old woman, in her mid-sixties, pleads with her husband.  
 
“Let them look! Let everyone see what an ungrateful son is doing to his poor old parents,” the old man says loudly, looking all around. 
 
“Ungrateful?” the son winces.  
 
“Yes, ungrateful! That’s what you are. We did everything for you; educated you, brought you up. And now you throw us out of our house into this bloody choultry.”  
 
“Choultry! You call this a choultry! Please Baba. This is a luxury township for Senior Citizens,” the son says.  
 
“It’s okay,” the old woman consoles her husband, “we will somehow manage in this Old Age Home.” 
 
“Mama, please!” the son implores in exasperation, “How many times have I told you. This is not an Old Age Home. It’s such a beautiful exclusive township for Senior Citizens to enjoy a happy and active life. And I’ve bought you a premium cottage – the best available here.”  
 
The mother looks at her son, and then at her husband, trapped between the two, not knowing what to say as both are right in their own way. So she says gently to her husband, “Try to understand. We’ll adjust here. See how scenic and green this place is. See there – what a lovely garden.”  
 
“I prefer Nana-Nani Park at Chowpatty. All my friends are there,” the old man says.  
 
“You’ll make friends here too,” she says.  
 
“Friends! These half-dead highbrow snobs?” the old man says mockingly.  
 
“Okay,” the son intervenes, “you both can take long walks. The air is so pure and refreshing at this hill station.”  
 
“Listen you impertinent kid!," the old man shouts at his son, "Don’t try all this on me. I’ve been walking for the last fifty years on Marine Drive and that is where I intend walking the rest of my life till my dying day.” 

Then the old man turns to his wife and says peremptorily to her, “You pack our bags and let’s go back to Mumbai. We are not staying here in this godforsaken place!”  
 
“Try and adjust,” his wife beseeches him, “you’ll like the place. Look at the facilities here – there’s a modern health club, gym, library, recreation: everything is here.”  
 
“Gym? You want me to do body building at this age? Library? You know that after my cataract I can hardly read the newspaper! And I can get all the recreation I need watching the sea at the Chowpatty and walking with my lifelong friends on Marine Drive.”  
 
“Please Baba, don’t be obstinate,” begs his son. “This place is so good for your health. They give you such delicious nourishing food here.” 
 
“Delicious? Nourishing? The bloody sterile stuff tastes like hospital food. I can’t stand it – where will I get Sardar’s Pav Bhaji, Kyani’s Kheema Pav, Vinay’s Misal, Satam’s Vada Pav, Delhi Durbar’s Biryani, Sarvi’s Boti Kababs, Noor Mohammadi's Nihari, Fish in Anantashram in Khotachi Wadi next door…”  
 
“Please Baba! All you can think of is horrible oily spicy street-food which you should not eat at your age! With your cholesterol and sugar levels, you’ll die if you continue eating that stuff.”  
 
“I’d rather die of a heart attack in Mumbai enjoying the good food I like rather than suffer a slow death here trying to eat this insipid tasteless nonsense,” the old man shouts at his son, then looks at his wife and commands, “Listen. Just pack up. We are not staying here like glorified slaves in this golden cage. One month here in this godforsaken place has made me almost mad. We are going right back to our house in Girgaum to live with dignity!”  
 
“Please Baba. Don’t be difficult. I have to leave for America tonight,” the son pleads desperately. “I’m trying to do the best possible for you. You know the huge amount of money I have paid in advance to book this luxurious place for you?” 
 
“You go back to your family in America. I am going back to my house in Girgaum. That’s final!” the old man affirms to his son. 

Then the old man looks at his wife and says, “You want to come along? Or should I go back to Mumbai alone?”  
 
“Mama, please tell him,” the son says looking at his mother.  
 
The old woman looks lovingly at her husband, puts her hand on his arm and says softly, “Please try to understand. We have no choice. We have to live here. There is no house in Girgaum. Our tenement chawl has been sold to a builder. They are building a commercial complex there.”  
 
“What?” the old man looks at his wife as if he is pole-axed, “you too!”

And suddenly the old man's defences crumble and he disintegrates; no longer is he the strong indefatigable redoubtable tough man he was a few moments ago - he seems to have lost his spirit, his strength, his dignity, his self-esteem, even his will to live!

There is a drastic and unbelievable metamorphosis in the old man's personality as he meekly holds his wife’s hand for support, and, totally defeated, his heart and soul totally broken, the old man obediently walks with his wife towards their cottage where they both, along with many other Senior Citizens, will spend the last days of their lives, lonely, unwanted, waiting for death.  


VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2011
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

If you liked this story, I am sure you will like the 27 stories about relationships in my latest book COCKTAIL  
To know more please click the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures(2008) and is currently working on his novel. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles in magazines and journals for many years before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for almost 14 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts. 

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm

Email: vikramkarve@sify.com          

Fiction Short Stories Book

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.