Do You Party on Weekends ... ?

Humor in Uniform

DO YOU PARTY ON WEEKENDS ... ? 

Delightful Memoir from My Wonderful Navy Days

A Spoof

By

VIKRAM KARVE

(This happened long back in the 1970s when we worked for 6 days in a week in the Navy and all government offices)

PARTY TIME

“You think you are too damn smart – but I have found out something about you...” said the PMC, the President Mess Committee of our Officers Mess, a Commander.

“What is it, Sir?” I asked.

I was curious – I wondered which ‘secret’ of mine the PMC had discovered.

The PMC looked at me and said: “You avoid having parties on Saturdays...”

“Is it so...?” I said, smiling like a Cheshire Cat.

“Ever since you have taken over as Mess Secretary – you always schedule parties on working days – on weekday evenings. Every time we want to have a party on Saturday evenings – you get the party re-scheduled on a weekday on some pretext or the other. Now you have crossed all limits – you even want a Saturday afternoon Pre-Lunch Drinks (PLD) preponed to Wednesday afternoon...” he said.

“Sir, there is no such word as ‘preponed’...” I said.

“Shut up. Don’t try to change the topic...” he said.

“Sir – but Wednesday is also a make-and-mend (half-day) routine – and the officer whose farewell party it is – he wanted it on Wednesday – he said it was more convenient…”

“Don’t bullshit me – the officer said that it was you who told him that Wednesday would be convenient…” the PMC said.

Now that the cat was out of the bag – I decided to make a clean breast of it.

“Sir, you are right – I don’t like to have parties on Saturdays,” I said.

“Any particular reason for not having a party on Saturdays – something religious – do you fast on Saturdays...?” the PMC asked me.

“No, No, Sir – it is something totally different – nothing religious or spiritual about it, Sir – maybe philosophical – but you won’t believe me if I tell you...” I said.

“I want to know – you have to tell me,” the PMC insisted.

“I work to enjoy my leisure...” I said.

“You work to enjoy your leisure...?” he repeated my words, looking puzzled.

“We all do, don’t we? Don’t we all work so that we can enjoy our leisure? We slog 6 days a week – so that we can enjoy that one Sunday we get off. And – in the Navy – we have to do duties on every third Sunday too – so even some of the few Sunday routines we get are ruined anyway...” I said.

“But – what the hell has all this got to do with not having parties on weekends...?” he asked.

“I don’t like to have a hangover on a Sunday morning – I prefer to have my hangover on a working day and in working hours...” I said.

“What...? You prefer to have your hangover in working hours...? What sort of nonsense talk is this...?” he asked, looking puzzled.

“I drink because I am in the Navy – it is the Navy that taught me how to drink – it is the Navy that motivates me to drink by giving me the choicest top quality duty-free foreign liquor and subsidized CSD liquor – and – doesn’t the Navy have an official party culture that encourages drinking...?” I said.

“How can you say that...?” he asked.

“Sir – I never touched a drop of booze in college. And most probably – I would never have started drinking alcohol if I had not joined the Navy. So – Navy is responsible for my drinking habit – and – since I drink alcohol because I am in the Navy – the effects of drinking alcohol like a hangover must be suffered in working hours. Also – Sir – most Navy parties are official parties – so – the ‘after-effects’ of these ‘official’ parties must be ‘officially’ endured in official working hours – isn’t it, Sir...?” I said.

“You are talking all bullshit…” the PMC said.

“Sir – please try to see it logically – the Navy is responsible for my drinking – so the Navy must bear my hangover. Why should I ruin my valuable leisure hours suffering a hangover on the one beautiful Sunday morning I get for myself...? In fact – I like to get up early on Sundays – so I can enjoy my well deserved holiday to the fullest…” I said.

From the incredulous look on his face – it appeared that the PMC was not convinced by my logical reasoning.

And – just to prove that he was the boss – when the next occasion for an official farewell party arose – the PMC decided that the party was to be held on a Saturday evening.

The weekend party was vetoed by the PMC’s wife – who unequivocally told her husband: “Why are you having an official party on Saturday evening...? Why don’t you have the farewell party on a weekday evening like you normally do...? I am not going to ruin my weekend attending your boring party which goes on and on till the wee hours. Have the party on a weekday evening – and – on Saturday evening – you take me out for shopping and a movie.”

What the PMC did not know was – that a few days ago – I had a discussion on the same subject with his wife – and – she seemed to enthusiastically agree with my views about “No Partying on Weekends”.

The PMC’s wife also agreed that there was no point in ruining your weekends by partying and wasting your valuable Sunday morning nursing a hangover – and – it was best to party on weekdays. 

EPILOGUE

I tried my best to follow my NO PARTYING ON WEEKENDS dictum throughout my Navy career – so that I could fully enjoy my well-earned Sundays as I pleased.

(A few years later– after the 5-day week was introduced – my “NO PARTY WINDOW” was extended from Friday afternoon to Sunday evening).

Sometimes – my principle of “No Partying on Weekends” did annoy some seniors – who found me missing from Weekend Evening Cocktails/Dinners or afternoon Pre-Lunch Drinks (PLD) on Weekend afternoons.

In one organisation – despite my best efforts to convince them to have parties on weekdays – they insisted on having all parties on weekends.

I avoided most of these weekend parties.

Once when one of my bosses asked me why I was missing from parties – I gave him one of my classic retorts: 

“Sir – I do not attend parties because I am an alcoholic.”

What happened after that...?

Well – that’s another story which I will tell you some other time.

Meanwhile – remember the “Moral of the Story” of this article:

The worst way to spend a beautiful Sunday morning is by sleeping in bed – having a splitting headache – suffering from a hangover – due the excesses of late night weekend partying.

Why ruin your valuable leisure hours...? 

Why ruin your Sunday...? 

Why ruin your weekends by weekend partying...? 

Remember – you work on weekdays in order to enjoy your leisure during weekends.

If you must party – why not do it on working days...?

Yes – you can party throughout the week – on working day evenings – from Monday to Thursday – and “enjoy” the hangover in working hours the next morning...

But – remember to keep your weekends free for yourself – and enjoy all your leisure hours perfectly sober – in all your senses – so you can enjoy your leisure to the best. 

Why waste your weekend mornings nursing a hangover or recovering from the excesses of late night partying...?

Isn’t it better to do this in office hours...?

 

You agree with me – don’t you...?

Do remember the essence of partying: 

Never Party on Weekends.

Party on Weekdays – and Enjoy your Weekend.

VIKRAM KARVE

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1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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