Friday, December 18, 2015

Humor in Uniform : War and Peace

HUMOR IN UNIFORM

WAR AND PEACE
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Our ship reached Kochi (Cochin) after a long exercise sailing.

After a brief halt of 3 days at Kochi  we would be off to Mumbai – our base port.

A few officers from the local units had come on board our ship – and I was delighted to see my coursemate “X”.

“X” invited me home for dinner – and I readily accepted – for I was yearning to eat some good home cooked food – and also have a drink and catch up with “X” – who I was meeting after many years.

At 7 in the evening – “X” came to pick me up – and he took me on his scooter to his home.

There – I noticed that another coursemate of ours – “Y” – was the next-door neighbor of “X”.

“Hey,” I said to “X”: “I didn’t know “Y” lives right next to you. Let’s call him over…”

“No – let’s go in first…” my host “X” said – and he rang the doorbell.

His wife opened the door – and “X” ushered me inside – he made me comfortable and poured me a drink.

While “X” and I sat with our drinks – his wife went inside the kitchen to prepare some small eats and get the dinner ready.

“Hey – how about calling “Y” over…?” I said to “X”.

With unwillingness written all over his face – “X” said to me, “No – let’s not call “Y”here – let’s just the both of us sit together and have a drink ourselves – just you and me.”

I was surprised at the reluctance of “X” to call “Y” over for a drink – after all, we were all coursemates – and – in fact – “X” and “Y” were the best of friends during our Sub Lieutenant’s days – they had even been cabin-mates.

“Okay – I’ll just go across and say ‘Hello’ to “Y” – if you don’t mind,” I said to “X”.

“No – you can meet “Y” some other time – please don’t go to his house now…” “X” said.

I was totally puzzled on hearing this – and seeing the bewilderment on my face  “X” said to me: “Actually “Y” and me are not on talking terms…”

“What…? I cannot believe it…” I said, “You and “Y” were bum chums – you were the best of friends – thick as thieves – what happened – you had a big fight or something?”

“Actually it’s not us – it’s our wives – their relations have become strained to the point of mutual hatred  in fact  they just can’t stand each other – so if you go there to meet “Y” or call him here – my wife will get very angry,” he said.

“That’s sad – your wives – did they have a fight or something…?” I asked.

“You know how these wives are – they had many fights – and now things have gone from bad to worse – and our relations have deteriorated terribly  so we have just stopped talking to each other…” he said.

After dinner – as “X” and I walked towards his scooter – I had a sneaking suspicion that “Y” was watching us from the window of his house.

I felt guilty of not having called on “Y” – so next morning I walked down to his office.

“Y” was most happy to see me after so many years.

“Actually – last evening – I had come over to “X” house for dinner but…” I began to apologize.

“I know…” “Y” said.

“What happened between “X” and you…? You two were the best of friends since your academy days – and now you two are not on talking terms…” I remarked.

“There were some issues – between our wives – and things became pretty ugly – but let’s not talk about it…” “Y” said.

“But we all are coursemates….” I said.

“Please – let’s not discuss it…” he said.

Then “Y” looked at his watch – and he said, “Hey – it’s almost 12 – let’s go to the Command Mess and have some chilled beer.”

When we reached the Mess Bar – I was surprised to see “X” waiting for us – and he greeted “Y” in a most friendly manner.

Over beer – I was amazed to see the bonhomie between “X” and “Y” – as if it were back to the good old wonderful Sub Lieutenant Days.

“Hey – I thought you two were not on talking terms…” I said to “X” and “Y”.

Our wives are not on talking terms…” said both of them – “X” and “Y” – laughing in unison.

Seeing my nonplussed expression  “X” said, “Earlier our wives were the best of friends – so they used to get together and make life hell for us – so we realized that if we wanted to enjoy life – it was best that our wives are daggers drawn with each other – so we ensure that our wives are constantly at war with each other…”

“But how do you manage to do it…?” I asked.

“That’s our trade secret…” “Y” said with a twinkle in his eye.

Then  “Y” said to me: “Come – let’s enjoy our beer – now when I go back home in high spirits – instead of nagging me for drinking too much – my wife will be busy complaining about his wife – and vice versa…”

“Oh – so the secret of your good friendship is to ensure that your wives are at war with each other...” I said, enlightened by this inimitable navy wisdom.

“Yes – it is better to let our wives be at war  so that we coursemates can be at peace...” they said in unison. 

VIKRAM KARVE
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Disclaimer:
1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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First Posted Online under the title HAPPILY MARRIED COURSEMATES by me 
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