Showing posts with label urban. Show all posts
Showing posts with label urban. Show all posts

Sunday, October 8, 2017

Are You “Made-For-Each-Other”...?

STORY OF A “MADE FOR EACH OTHER” COUPLE
A Love Story
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Her name was Riya.

His name was Rohan.

They – Riya and Rohan – they were a “made-for-each-other” couple.

I am not saying this just because they won the “made-for-each-other couple contest”.

Yes – we had a “made-for-each-other” couple contest during the Annual Day Celebrations in our Residential Society – a cosmopolitan gated community.

All couples had to participate – and – Riya and Rohan had easily won the contest.

It was a simple contest.

First – all couples had to walk on the ramp – like a fashion show.

10 couples were selected from this round for the “Question-Answer” round.

These 10 couples were asked 10 questions each – the usual “guessing game” stuff about how well they knew each other – about likes/dislikes, events/dates, etc. – including one “intimate” question.

Riya and Rohan had won the “made-for-each-other couple contest” – and most deservingly so.

Yes – Riya and Rohan were easily the best-looking couple on the ramp.

And – Riya and Rohan were the only couple who had each answered all questions correctly.

After Riya and Rohan won the “made-for-each-other couple contest” – I began to observe them a bit more closely – and – I saw that – in real life too – Riya and Rohan were truly a “made-for-each-other” couple.

I have never seen a couple so devoted to each other and in perfect harmony with each other.

Riya and Rohan were perfectly compatible with each other – in all aspects – and – I felt jealous of them.

One evening – after my evening walk – I stopped by at my favorite cafĂ© – for a cup my customary “post-walk” cup of tea.

I saw Riya and Rohan seated at a table.

They greeted me – and – they asked me to join them.

“Are you sure you want me to join you…?” I said, “I don’t want to be a “Kabab-Me-Haddi” and spoil your “lovey-dovey” quality time…”

“Oh, come on, Uncle…” Riya said, “We’ve been together for 10 years now…”

“You still look like honeymooners – so much in love with each other…” I said.

“Thank you, Uncle…” Riya said.

Their snacks arrived.

Rohan and Riya insisted that I eat with them.

As I saw Riya eating – I suddenly remembered that it was “Karva Chauth” – so – I said to Riya:

“Hey – today is “Karwa Chauth” – you are supposed to “fast” – isn’t it…?”

“Why…?” she asked me.

“Well – all married women fast from sunrise to moonrise for the safety, well-being, prosperity and longevity of their husbands – didn’t you know…?”

“Of course I know about “Karwa Chauth”…” Riya said.

“In fact – there is a “women-only” ceremony on our society rooftop terrace – all married women are attending – in fact – the function must have already started – didn’t you get the circular…?” I asked her.

“I saw the circular…” Riya said.

“Then why aren’t you attending the celebration – all married women are attending – even my wife was getting all decked-up to go there…” I said.

“I am not married …” Riya said, “the function is for “married women” – but – I am not married…”

I was dumbstruck.

Seeing the bewilderment on my face – Rohan said:

“Uncle – we – Riya and Me – we are not married – we are just living together…”

“Living together…? For 10 years…?” I asked.

“Yes…” Riya said.

“Haven’t you thought of taking your relationship to the next level…?”

“Next level…? What do you mean by “taking a relationship to the “next level”…”…?”

“By “next level” – I mean “marriage”. Haven’t you thought of getting married to each other – to convert your “live-in relationship” into a marriage…?”

“What’s the point…? We are very happy in our present relationship – it’s truly wonderful. And, Uncle – you tell me – the very fact that we won the “made-for-each-other couple contest” bears testimony to our “perfect” relationship” – isn’t it…?”

“Yes…” I said, “You two are the best “made for each other” couple I had ever seen – I have never ever seen a couple so perfectly in harmony with each other like you two – perfectly matched and totally devoted to each other.

“Yes, Uncle – we have a beautiful relationship – exquisite and full of joy. Our “live-in” arrangement is working so marvelously for 10 long years – so – why tinker with something that is working so well…? Why should we ruin our beautiful relationship by taking it to the “next level” – as you put it…? Why try to fix something that ain’t broke…?” 

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved) 

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

This is a revised and updated version of my story THE “MADE FOR EACH OTHER” COUPLE written by me Vikram Karve on July 17, 2017 and posted online by me in my blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/07/the-made-for-each-other-couple.html

Saturday, August 26, 2017

How to “Outsource” your Life

LIFE PROCESS OUTSOURCING – IN A NUTSHELL
A Fictional Spoof
By 
VIKRAM KARVE 

Sometime ago – I met a smart young “upwardly mobile” couple loafing on Main Street (MG Road) in Pune. 

“We are really enjoying life,” the husband said, “do you know how – well we have outsourced everything – yes – each and every thing – all household activities – parenting – and even pet parenting.” 

“So you have done LIFE PROCESS OUTSOURCING...” I said, tongue in cheek. 

“Absolutely – you’ve said it – “Life Process Outsourcing” – that is the key to happiness,” they exclaimed. 

As I said Good Bye and walked on Main Street – I suddenly remembered a story I had written long ago on the subject of outsourcing – when I was trying to fathom as to what the term outsourcing really meant. 

I wrote this story more than 11 years ago – on 18 April 2006 – at the height of the “BPO Boom” in Pune.

This story is included in my book of short stories COCKTAIL.

So here is the story – a spoof – abridged and updated – for you to read – my ignorant take on outsourcing. 

Dear Reader: 

Please remember that story is fiction – a spoof.

Do tell me if you liked the story. 

I look forward to your comments and feedback.


LIFE PROCESS OUTSOURCING (LPO) – A Spoof By VIKRAM KARVE 

On the morning of New Year’s Eve – the 31st of December – the last day of the year – while I am leisurely loafing on Main Street (MG Road) in Pune – I meet an old friend of mine.  
 
“Hi...!!!” I say.  
 
“Hi...” he says, “where to...?”    
 
“Aimless loitering,” I say, “And you?”  
  
“I’m going to work.”    
 
“Work? This early? I thought your shift starts in the evening – or late at night. You work at a call-center don’t you?”   
 
“Not now. I quit. Now – I’m on my own.”    
 
“On your own? What do you do?”    
 
“LPO.”    
 
“LPO? What’s that?”   
 
“Life Process Outsourcing.”    
 
“Life Process Outsourcing? Never heard of it!”   
 
“You’ve heard of Business Process Outsourcing haven’t you?”   
 
“BPO? Outsourcing non-core business activities and functions?”  
 
“Precisely. LPO is similar to BPO. There it’s Business Processes that are outsourced – here it’s Life Processes that are outsourced.”    
 
“Life Processes? Outsourced?”   
 
“Why don’t you come along with me? I’ll show you.”  
 
Soon we are in his office. 

It looks like a mini call-center.   
 
A young attractive girl welcomes us. 

“Meet Rita, my Manager,” my friend says, and introduces us.   
 
Rita looks distraught, and she says to my friend, “I am not feeling well. Must be viral fever.”  
   
“No problem. My friend here will stand in.”    
 
“What? How can I stand in for her? I don’t have a clue about all this LPO thing...!” I protest.    
 
“There is nothing to beat learning on the job! Rita will show you,” my friend says.  
 
“It’s simple,” Rita says, in a hurry, “See the console. You just press the appropriate switch and route the call to the appropriate person or agency.”

And with these words 
– Rita disappears. 

It is the shortest induction training I have ever had in my life.    
 
And so I plunge into the world of Life Process Outsourcing – or LPO – as they call it.   
 
It’s all very simple.

Everyone is busy. 

Working people don’t seem to have time these days.

But they have lots of money – especially those Double Income Career Couples –Double Income No Kids (DINK) and Double Income Single Kids (DISK) – IT Nerds – MBA hot shots – Finance Wizards – just about everybody running desperately in the urban rat-race of life.

So what do they do? 

Simple. 

They “outsource”...!

‘Non-core Life Activities’, for which you have neither the inclination, nor the time – you just outsource them 
– so you can maximize your work-time to rake in the money and make a fast climb up the career ladder of success.

A ring 
– a flash on the console in front of me – and I take my first LPO call.   
 
“My daughter has puked in her school. They want someone to pick her up and take her home. I am busy in a shoot and just can’t leave,” a creative ad agency type with a husky voice says.    
 
“Why don’t you tell your husband?” I suggest.  
 
“Are you crazy or something? I am a single mother!” she screams.  
 
“Sorry ma’am. I didn’t know. My sympathies and condolences,” I say. 
 
“Condolences? Who is this? Is this LPO?” she asks, with irritation in her voice.
 
“Yes ma’am,” I say.

I press the button marked ‘children’ – and I transfer the call – hoping I have made the right choice. 

Maybe I should have pressed ‘doctor’.    
 
Nothing happens for the next few moments. 

I breathe a sigh of relief.    
 
A yuppie wants his grandmother to be taken to a movie. 

I press the ‘movies’ button. 

‘Movies’ transfers the call back to me – and says to me: 

“Hey – this is for movie tickets. Try ‘escort services’. The bugger wants the old hag escorted to the movies.”    
 
‘Escort Services’ are in high demand. 

These guys and girls – slogging in their offices minting money – want ‘escort services’ for their kith and kin for various non-core family processes like shopping, movies, eating out, sightseeing, marriages, funerals – all types of functions – even going to art galleries, book fairs, exhibitions, zoos, museums – or even a walk in the nearby garden.    
 
A father wants someone to read bedtime stories to his small son while he works late. 

A busy couple wants proxy “stand-in parents” at the school PTA meeting. 

An investment banker rings up from Singapore – he wants his mother to be taken to a temple to pray – to perform an elaborate pooja – in the temple – at a certain time on a specific day.
 
Someone wants his kids to be taken for a swim, brunch, a movie and to a bookstore for browsing books and music.    

A sweet-voiced female IT project manager wants someone to motivate and pep-talk her husband – who has been recently sacked – and is cribbing away at home – and is thoroughly depressed and demoralized. 

The sacked husband desperately needs someone to talk to – he needs to cry on someone’s shoulder – to unburden himself – but his own wife is busy – she neither has the time nor does she have the inclination to take a few days off to boost the morale of her depressed husband – when – for her – there are deadlines to be met at work – and so much is at stake for her career.   
 
The things they want outsourced range from the mundane to the bizarre.

Life processes that you earlier enjoyed doing – and you took pride in doing – or you did as your sacred duty – are nowadays considered “non-core life activities” by these highfalutin people.    
 
At the end of the day I feel illuminated on this novel concept of “Life Process Outsourcing”.

I am about to leave – when suddenly a call comes in.    
 
“LPO?” a man asks softly.    
 
“Yes – this is LPO. May I help you?” I say.   
 
“I am speaking from Frankfurt Airport. I really don’t know if I can ask this?” he says nervously.  
 
“Please go ahead and feel free to ask anything you desire, Sir. We do everything,” I say. 
 
“Everything?”    
 
“Yes, Sir. Anything and everything...!” I say.    
   
“I don’t know how to say this. This is the first time I am asking. You see – I am working 24/7 on an important project for the last few months. I am globetrotting around the world – and I can’t make it back there to my home in Pune. Can you please arrange for someone suitable to take my wife out to the New Year’s Eve Dance...?”   
 
I am taken aback – but I recover quickly and say: “Yes, Sir.”    
 
“Please send someone really good – an excellent dancer – and make sure she enjoys and has a good time. She loves dancing – and I just haven’t had the time.”    
 
“Of course, Sir,” I say.
 
“And I told you – I have been away abroad for quite some time now – globetrotting – and I have got to stay out here till I complete the project,” he says. 
 
“I know. Work takes top priority,” I say.
   
“My wife. She’s been lonely. She desperately needs some love. Do you have someone with a loving and caring nature who can give her some love? You see – I am so busy that I just don’t have the time to give her love. You understand what I am saying – don’t you?” he says.  
 
I let the words sink in. 

The guy wants to outsource the love process. 

This is one call I am not going to transfer. 

This “process” is something I am going to take on myself.

Yes – I am going to in-source this “love process” to myself. 
 
“Please give me the details, Sir...” I say softly into the mike.    
 
Later – in the evening – as I walk towards my destination with a spring in my step – I feel truly enlightened.   
 
Till this moment – I never knew that:

“Love” is a “non-core” “Life-Process” – worthy of outsourcing.
 
Long Live LPO...!

I love LPO.

What really is LPO...?

Is it Life Process Outsourcing...?

Or – is it Love Process Outsourcing...?

Call it what you like 
– but I am sure you have got an idea of the great benefits of outsourcing.

And now you know what to do – if you want to outsource something – whether it is a “Life Process” – or “Love Process”

Just call up LPO – and I will be there to assist you.

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This story is a fictional spoof, a yarn, pure fiction, just for a laugh, no offence meant to anyone, so please take it with a pinch of salt.
2. This story is a work of fiction.  Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

This Story was Written by me Vikram Karve more than 11 years ago in the Year 2006 after a walk on Main Street (MG Road) Pune and First Posted Online by me