Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: HUMOR IN UNIFORM

HUMOUR IN UNIFORM

Military Matrimony – HOW TO FIND A HUSBAND

DO YOU WANT TO BE A “FAUJI MEMSAHIB”
A Spoof - Short Fiction Story - THE SMART YOUNG LADY ARMY OFFICER

VIKRAM KARVE

I written a story posted on my blog on 08 July 2013 titled LOOKING FOR A HUSBAND Musings on Career Women and Marriage Prospects which featured Two Stories - THE SMART YOUNG WOMAN and THE LADY ARMY OFFICER (url link: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/07/looking-for-husband-career-women-and.html )

On request of a reader, I am re-posting the second story THE LADY ARMY OFFICER below for you to read.

There may be many reasons why women join the army (navy and air force too).

This story highlights one reason - yes, one reason - but maybe it is the main reason why women join the army ...

So, Dear Reader, read on, have a laugh and think about it...

Disclaimer:

1. Please read this apocryphal story only if you have a sense of humor. This yarn is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. This story is for mature adults only, so if you are a kid, or an overly gender sensitive type, please skip this post.

3. This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

JOIN THE ARMY AND FIND A HUSBAND – A Spoof by Vikram Karve

A few months ago I was invited to deliver a lecture at my erstwhile institution.

In the audience, comprising officers of the army, navy and air force, I noticed a familiar face.

She was wearing army uniform.

She was the only lady officer in the lecture hall.

“Hello,” I said to her, during the tea break, when she came to greet me, “what a pleasant surprise to see you in uniform. I did not know you had joined the army.”

“Yes Sir,” she said.

“Tell me, the last time we met, you were doing your computer engineering, weren’t you?”

“Yes Sir,” she said.

“I thought you would join some Software Firm, work in the IT Sector – or maybe go abroad for further studies. So I am really surprised. What are you doing here in the army?”

“I am looking for a husband, Sir,” she said.

I almost choked, and the teacup nearly fell out of my hands.

Seeing the expression on my face, she said, “Sir, I will be frank with you. I have no illusions about how I look. There is too much competition in the Software Sector. In an IT firm, where there are so many attractive “Techie” girls, do you think that any decent boy will give me a second look?”

“Don’t say that. You look pretty and you are a smart young woman.”

“Beauty is all relative, isn’t it? Out there in the IT Sector, almost 50% are girls, so many beauties – there is just too much competition. Here, in an army unit, I am the only girl. Sir, just look there – see the way all those male officers are eyeing me?”

I looked.

She was right.

She was indeed the centre of attraction.

Most of the male officers were looking at her with undisguised affection. Some drooled in anticipation.

I looked at her, smiled and said, “You have a point.”

“You see – here, in the army, I have no competition, and I can pick and choose,” she said impishly.

“So you joined the army for better marriage prospects?” I asked.

“Yes, Sir – that is exactly why I joined the army – to find a good husband. You are quite surprised, aren’t you?” she said.

“Yes, at first I was surprised. But now I can understand. Your logic seems perfectly rational to me,” I said.

For some time we sipped tea.

“So have you found anyone?” I asked, breaking the silence.

“Yes Sir – quite a few prospective grooms. Now I am shortlisting the candidates,” she said with a naughty smile on her face.

“It’s a good career move too – both husband and wife in the army,” I said.

“Sir, to be frank, I am not a career type of girl. In fact, I want to get married, have children and settle down to a life of cozy domesticity.”

“What?” I asked, surprised.

“Yes, Sir. Once I get married, I will quit the army the moment my tenure is over,” she said.

“You want to quit the army once you find a husband? So you joined the army just to find a husband?” I asked in amazement.

“Tell me sir, what can be better than being the wife of an army officer?”

“You do have a point there. Being an army officer may be tough. But an army memsahib really enjoys a good life,” I said.

“I always dreamt of being a fauji memsahib and living a good life – I love the ambience of the cool tranquil cantonments, the clubs, the parties, the social life, so many perks, and, most importantly, the batmen and sahayaks to do all your work,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Ah – batmen and sahayaks – so that’s why you did not join the navy.”

“Maybe,” she said tongue-in-cheek, “but there is one more reason.”

“What?”

“The competition is much tougher in the navy – there are so many women officers are in one place – and besides, you have to compete with the chic and savvy beauties in Mumbai – well, male naval officers have so much to choose from, and, frankly, I knew that with my looks, I just won’t stand a chance,” she said candidly.

Then she looked mischievously at me, gestured with her eyes at all the young male army officers ogling hungrily at her, and she said, “Sir, look at all those desperate fauji officers. Almost every guy is looking at me, waiting for me to give them the slightest cue. Here, in the army, it is me who can pick and choose, isn’t it? As they say, I can have the pick of the litter!”

I laughed.

She laughed.

We laughed together.

Everyone was looking at us.

It was quite embarrassing.

Mercifully, the tea break was over, and we all went in for the remaining part of my lecture.

DO YOU WANT TO BE A “FAUJI MEMSAHIB” ?

Later, while driving home, I thought about it.

There was a ring of truth in what the smart young lady army officer had said.

Most women army officers seem inclined to marry their male colleagues (so-called “brother officers” in service parlance).

There are so many “in-service” marriages – it happens in the army, and I have seen such “incestuous” relationships between “brother officers” and “sister officers” happening in the navy and air force too, where erstwhile “sister officers” metamorphose into memsahibs.

Yes, in the army, today’s “sister officers” stand a good chance of becoming tomorrow’s memsahibs.

Maybe the army can coin new recruitment slogans for attracting young women into the army like:

“ Join the Army for Better Marriage Prospects ”

“ Join the Army and Find a Husband ”

or maybe an even better slogan

“ THE EASIEST WAY TO BECOME AN ARMY MEMSAHIB - JOIN THE ARMY ”

VIKRAM KARVE

Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

Disclaimer:

All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Did you like this story?

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About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
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Twitter: @vikramwkarve

First posted on my blog on 08 July 2013 titled LOOKING FOR A HUSBAND Musings on Career Women and Marriage Prospects which featured Two Stories - THE SMART YOUNG WOMAN and THE LADY ARMY OFFICER (url link: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/07/looking-for-husband-career-women-and.html )

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

HUMOR IN UNIFORM - JOIN THE ARMY AND FIND A HUSBAND

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