SAY NO – DON’T GIVE EXCUSES
An Apocryphal Teaching Story
By
VIKRAM KARVE
“I need
money. Can you lend me Ten Thousand Rupees?” a man asked his friend.
“I have the
money, but I won’t give it to you. Be grateful for that,” the friend said.
On hearing
this the man got angry and said irately to his friend, “That you have the money
and you don’t want to give it to me – this I can understand. But I don’t
understand why I should be grateful to you?”
“My dear
fellow,” the friend said, “look at it this way.
You asked me
for money.
I could have
said ‘come tomorrow’.
Tomorrow I
would have said ‘I am sorry I can’t give you the money now’ and I would have
told you to come the day after tomorrow.
If you had
come to me the day after tomorrow, I would have said ‘come at the end of the
week’.
In this way I
would have staved you off indefinitely till such time you would have given up
hope and stopped coming to me.
However, till
then, because I never said ‘NO’, you would have counted on me giving you the
money and you would not have looked elsewhere to get the money.
That is why I
tell you in all honesty, in the first instance itself, that I am not going to
give you the money rather than give you excuses and create false hopes in your
mind.
Now that you
know that I am not going to give you money, you can immediately try to get the
money from some other source without wasting any time. And for that you must be
grateful to me.”
Don’t you
agree that it is better to say a firm NO than give EXCUSES which can sometimes
create FALSE HOPES.
The one thing
the Navy taught me was how to say “NO” – when we did not want to grant a request or did not want to agree to do something, instead
of hemming and hawing, dithering and giving shilly-shally excuses, all we did
was to use the term “NEGATIVE” when we wanted to say “NO”.
I have seen so
many people who are quite hesitant to say a direct “NO” to a proposition because
they are worried “what will the other person think if I bluntly refuse and say
NO”.
You may think
that directly saying “NO” to a request in a straight-talking plain-spoken
manner may sound discourteous and impolite.
So you will keep
postponing by giving excuses trying to fend off the requester hoping that he will
finally tire out and give up. But in the bargain this may raise false hopes in
the mind of the other person.
As illustrated
in the story, postponing and avoiding saying “NO” may cause more harm to the
other person than if you bluntly said “NO” at the first instance and this
dithering will cause damage to your own credibility and may create stress within
you.
Moral of the
Story:
If you do not want to do something it
is best to say a direct “NO” and get it over with.
PS:
If you don’t
want to go out on that weekend date, just say “NO”.
Don’t give
excuses like “I am not feeling well” or “I have work to do” or “I have some
other commitments” etc etc etc.
Be candid – and
say “NO”.
Have a Happy
Weekend doing exactly what you want to do.
VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
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About Vikram Karve
A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for almost 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.
Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com
Fiction Short Stories Book
Foodie Book: Appetite for a Stroll
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
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