COMFORT LEVEL and MARRIED LIFE
LIKES and DISLIKES
Musings of a
Much Married Husband
By
VIKRAM KARVE
Every Saturday
morning, my wife and I go the E-Square Multiplex on the University Road Food Court
A few months
back, one Saturday, as is customary, we reached E-Square at 9 in the morning. I
wanted to see an English Movie – a serious film which had just won an Oscar. My
wife wanted to see the latest cacophonous Bollywood “comedy” – well I really do
not relish such raucous slapstick.
Luckily there
were shows of both the movies at 9:30 – albeit on different screens – so I went
to see the Hollywood Movie on Screen 3 and my wife went to see the Bollywood
Film on Screen 5.
My movie
finished early, so I was waiting for my wife at a Food Court
I invited them
to join me and ordered coffee.
“We were
sitting right behind you in the theatre,” the smart young lady said.
“Sorry, I
didn’t notice you,” I said.
“All alone?” the
husband asked.
“No,” I said,
“my wife is watching the Hindi Movie in Screen 5. I am waiting for her here.”
Seeing the
bewildered look on their faces, I explained, “You see, my wife does not like
English Movies, especially serious films like the one we saw. And I really
don’t like these loud noisy Bollywood comedies like the one she is seeing,
which she prefers.”
“So you go
your separate ways?” the young wife asked me with a curious look on her face.
“Yes,” I said,
“What we both like, we do together. When our likes do not match, we do those
things on our own. Why should I compel my wife to something she does not like
doing? And why should a wife force a husband to do something he does not like?
Tell me, why should we impose our likes and dislikes on each other?”
“Shall I tell
you something?” the young husband said.
“Please, go
ahead, feel free,” I said.
“Actually, I
too wanted to see the Hindi Movie,” the husband confessed.
“But why
didn’t you tell me?” the wife retorted.
“I did not
want to spoil your mood. I know you hate these light Hindi comedies and like
the boring serious English Films like the one we saw today,” the husband said.
“Come on
guys,” I said, “the most important thing in a marriage is to have a good
comfort level with your partner – there should be no barrier, no mask, no
faking and absolutely no trust-deficit in the relationship.”
Suddenly my
wife came and sat down. She seemed very happy. She said “Hi, nice to see you
here” to the young couple and then looked at me and said, “I really enjoyed the
movie – total nonsense – no taxing the brain – but you wouldn’t have liked it.
How was your movie?”
“Good,” I
said, “I really liked the film.”
“That’s
great,” my wife said. Then she looked at the couple and said, “Come on, let’s
eat.”
“What next?” I
asked my wife.
“Let’s go to
the Mall in Camp,” my wife said, “you browse your boring books in Landmark
while I do some exciting shopping. When I finish I’ll give you a ring and we
can walk down Main Street
“How long have
you two been married?” the young couple asked.
“30 years,” I
said.
“Why don’t you
come over to our place tomorrow morning?” the young lady asked, “we’ll go out
for brunch somewhere.”
“No, No,” my
wife said, “on Sunday mornings we are not free. We both give our dog a bath
every Sunday morning – you know, that is the thing we really enjoy most doing
together. And then we’ll laze around and watch the Sunday TV Programmes
together. We love doing that.”
Before we said
bye, the young couple said, “We too are going to make our “likes” and
“dislikes” lists.”
“Do that,” I
said, “and remember, where the “likes” match, do together, and where they
don’t, just go on your own trip.”
VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
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About Vikram Karve
A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for almost 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.
Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
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Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
Now, that's an interesting way to spend a weekend. It makes total sense. I'm wondering why we haven't all thought of doing this :)
ReplyDelete@ D Nambiar - Try it. Give each other space. It works in arranged marriages. In Love Marriages? You tell us!
ReplyDeleteVery good way... works for all relationships!!!
ReplyDeleteLoved your post!!
ReplyDeleteCalmer ways of doing things and still being happy than compromising and being unhappy
@ Pranita - I am glad you too have experienced this.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the response everyone.
ReplyDeleteI think a better title would be - HOW TO SUSTAIN AN INCOMPATIBLE RELATIONSHIP
Very nice article and way of life. Every relationship will have some compatible and incompatible characteristics. Good way to enjoy the compatible ones and control (may be a wrong word, be detached is probably better word)/ bypass / ignore the incompatible ones.
ReplyDeleteTruly, a good comfort level with one's partner is very essential, no barrier, no mask. Of course, telling your partner likes/dislikes need not be blunt/rude :)
ReplyDelete