HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR VALUES and LIVE IN HARMONY WITH YOURSELF

ASK YOURSELF THE “WHY” QUESTION

HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR VALUES and LIVE IN HARMONY WITH YOURSELF

By
VIKRAM KARVE

Values are core beliefs which guide and motivate attitudes and behaviour.

When you value something you want it or want it to happen.

Values are relatively permanent desires.

Values are answers to the “why” question.

You keep on asking “why” questions until you reach a point where you no longer want something for the sake of something else.

At this point you have arrived at a value.

 

Let’s take an example – I was once conducting a Post Graduate Professional Programme at a premier university, a centre of excellence, and I asked a student, “Why are you doing this academic course?”

 

“To gain qualifications,” he answered.

 

“Why do you want to gain qualifications?”

 

“To succeed in my career.”

 

“Why do you want to succeed in your career?”

 

“To reach the top.”

 

“Why do you want to reach the top?”

 

“To get power.”

 

“Why do want do you want power?”

 

“To control people,” he answered.

 

“Why do you want to control people?”

 

“I want to control people.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I like to control people.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Just for the sake of it – I like controlling people,” he said and further why’s elicited similar responses related to control.

"Control for the sake of control" – that’s when you discover your value...!

 

I realized that control was one of his values and maybe he was a future megalomaniac in the making...!

 

The same line of questioning of different individuals undergoing higher education may reveal values like knowledge, money, status, standard of living, ambition, achievement, growth, reputation, excellence, fame.

 

Values are our subjective reactions to the world around us.

They guide and mould our options and behaviour. Values are developed early in life and are very resistant to change.

Values develop out of our direct experiences with people who are important to us, particularly our parents.

Values evolve within us not out of what people tell us, but as a result how people behave toward us and others.

Remember, there cannot be any “partial” values; 

For example - you cannot be 50% honest (half-honest) – either you are honest or you are not honest!

 

Are you doing you MBA?

Keep asking yourself why you are doing it, and you will ultimately arrive at your value.

 

“Why are you doing your MBA?”

 

“To learn the art of management.”

 

“Why do you want to learn management?”

 

“To get a good job in a top firm as a manager.”

 

“Why?”

 

“To make more money.”

 

“Why?”

 

“To have a high standard of living.”

 

The person I was talking to re-iterated "standard of living" again and again, and repeated the same answer, since standard of living was his value but you can go on and on till you find your true core values.

In one case I was surprised to findconformance as a prime value in a student of MBA – she was doing MBA because everyone else was doing MBA, especially most of her friends were doing MBA!

 

With the rise and predominance of the utility value of education, the most important criterion for ranking B-Schools is the pay-packet their students get and not other factors like the quality of faculty and infrastructure, academic achievements and ambience etc.

That’s why there is a rush towards IT and Computer Science as compared to other more interesting and challenging branches of Engineering and Technology – money seems to be the cardinal value amongst students these days!

Some do prefer the civil services even after completing their Engineering from premier institutions as, for these individuals, things like status, service, power, and maybe, patriotism may be important values.

 

• Is a high salary important to you?
• Is it important for your work to involve interacting with people?
• Is it important for your work to make a contribution to society?
• Is having a prestigious job important for you?

 

It is most important for you to find out your own values (by the “why” method) to avoid value mismatch.

Value mismatch is at the root cause of dilemmas in your life.

Even when you plan to marry or have a close relationship you must discover your values and also your partner's values in order to ascertain mutual compatibility and harmony in values and also ensure that there are no serious value mismatches.

A conflict between your personal and organizational values may result in ethical dilemmas at the workplace, while value mismatch between two persons may sow discord and cause stress and turbulence in a relationship.

 

Your values are possibly the most important thing to consider when you're choosing an occupation or workplace.

If you do not take your values into account when planning your career, there is a good chance you will dislike your work and therefore not enjoy it.

For example, someone who needs to have autonomy in his work would not be happy in a job where every action is decided by someone else.

 

It is important to distinguish between values, interests, personality, and skills:

• Values: the things that are important to you, like achievement, status, and autonomy.
• Interests: what you enjoy doing, like reading, taking long walks, eating good food, hanging out with friends.
• Personality: a person's individual traits, motivational drives, needs, and attitudes.
• Skills: the activities you are good at, such as writing, computer programming, and teaching.

Of these four attributes, interests, skills and personality can be developed, but values are intrinsic core beliefs inherent within you. 

You have to look inwards, analyse, introspect, reflect and endeavour to discover your own true values. 

Whether it is your work or relationships, value congruence is of paramount importance – your values must be in harmony for the relationship to rock and succeed.

Value Dissonance due to mismatch between individual values and organizational values can cause great strain and trauma at the workplace.

 

Even within yourself, in order to avoid inner conflict there must be no confusion about your true values.

Remember the saying of Mahatma Gandhi:

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony”.

 

Dear Reader, please sit down in a quiet place all by yourself, introspect, ask yourself the “why” question and find out your own values.

First know yourself. Then know others.

Try to discover your own values, and then ascertain the values of persons you deal with, your colleagues, your near and dear ones, their personal values, and also the organizational values of the organization where you work.

Look for and nurture mutual compatibility and harmony in values.

Avoid value-mismatch and value-dissonance to the extent feasible.

The extent of mutual harmony in your valuesshould determine your choice of work, activities, relationships, friends and partner.

 

Is freedom an important value for you?

Is the career or job you are considering (or the person you want to marry or have a close relationship or friendship with) going to give you enough freedom...?

 

Do you value leisure...?

Oh, yes...!

Leisure is not only an important value but also a determinant of character. If you want to know about a man find out how he spends his leisure...! 

It’s true in your case too – If you had a day off what will you do...?

Would you read a book, write a story, go hiking outdoors, play your favourite sport, adventure sports, chat with friends, picnic, see a movie, eat your favourite cuisine in a restaurant, or cook it yourself, socialize in your club, spend the day at home with your family, study, play with your pet dog, or see TV at home, or just spend the day in glorious solitude enjoying quality time with yourself...?

Or would you rather not “waste” your leisure time and spend the day doing something “useful” connected with your work, career or advancement towards “achieving” your “goals”...?

How you spend your leisure reveals vital clues about your values too...!

 

Do you value humour, fun, pleasure, food, enjoyment, sex, family life, quality of life, status, money, success, fame, power, prestige, security, nature, loyalty, love, affection, independence, privacy, togetherness, tranquillity, adventure, leadership, followership, competition, contentment, creativity – look within, reflect, find out for yourself, and the values of others too who you want to relate with – match and harmonize your values, and be happy and fulfilled in your work and your relationships.

 

Remember, at any important milestone in your life, whenever you have to make a vital decision, whether you are on the verge of selecting a career, a job, a house, or a marriage partner – trust your sense of values!

 

In conclusion here is a quote from the German Philosopher Friedrich Hegel:

 

“A man who has work that suits him, and a wife whom he loves, has squared his accounts with life”

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2011
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

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About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and he is currently working on his novel. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles in magazines and journals for many years before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for almost 14 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts. 

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
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Email: vikramkarve@sify.com        

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.