THE MARRIAGE COUNSELLOR WHO SAVED MY MARRIAGE
Short Fiction – A Story
By
VIKRAM KARVE
“Thanks for the lift.”
“Come on, it’s okay. The University is on the way to Hinjewadi.”
“I never knew it rained so heavily in Pune. Luckily I met you on the flight. Otherwise I would have been stuck at the airport.”
“Coming to Pune for the first time?”
“No. But after a long time. I lived here more than twenty five years ago. I taught at the University.”
“Oh. So you were a Professor? No wonder you are so knowledgeable. I must say your research paper at the IEEE Conference was really impressive.”
“Thanks. It’s good they had the conference in Delhi India Bangalore
“So you are going to the University for delivering a lecture there on Signal Processing is it?”
“No. No. Actually I have come to Pune to meet a lady. I lost contact with her ever since I left Pune – you know those days there was no email, no internet, nothing, and I am quite poor at letter writing.”
“She works in the University?”
“No. She lives in a bungalow off Ganeskhind Road
“I doubt it. The whole place has changed. There are hardly any bungalows now – there are high rises and malls and multiplexes there now. You won’t even recognize the place. You’ve got her name, her address?”
“Yes,” I said, and gave him the piece of paper I had in my pocket. The man looked at the paper in a curious sort of way and asked me, “You want to meet her? After so many years?”
“Yes, I want to meet her to express my gratitude,” I said. “She saved my marriage.”
“Saved your marriage?”
“Yes. Me and my wife – we were going to divorce – our differences had become irreconcilable – our relationship was beyond repair – it was an irretrievable breakdown of marriage. That’s what everybody said, all the marriage counsellors we consulted, our relatives, friends, everyone, till we met her. She was the best marriage counsellor we ever met. She saved our marriage. She is the one who advised us to leave all our unpleasant baggage behind and relocate to a new place and start a new life afresh. It worked. I have to meet her this time. God knows when I will come to India
“Well, this lady does not live at this address anymore. She lives in Aundh,” the man said.
“How do you know? You know her?”
“Of course I know her. She is my wife,” he said matter-of-factly.
“What? But how…?”
“She and her husband, I mean her ex-husband – they got divorced a few years ago. And after her divorce she married me.”
I did not say anything. I was dumbstruck.
“I know what you are thinking and what’s going on in your mind,” he said, “Such a good marriage counsellor who saved so many marriages – how could she not save her own marriage?”
“No…” I said incoherently.
“Why don’t you ask her that when you meet her?” he said.
“Meet her?”
“Of course. Aundh is on the way. I will drop you home. I had told my wife that I would be driving straight to work from the airport but let's surprise her. I am sure she will remember you. You two can meet, talk about the good old days and I’ll try to finish off my work early and be back in time for lunch. And then we will drop you off at the airport for your evening flight.”
“No,” I said, “I better not meet her.”
“Come on, be a sport. Don’t tell me you don’t want to gift her the diamond necklace you have brought with you all the way from America
EPILOGUE
I heard a story from someone, maybe apocryphal, about a lady counsellor. She was counselling a man for his drinking problem. (The man had been brought to the counsellor by his wife). I do not know whether the counselling worked or not but I was aghast to hear that the counsellor’s own husband was an alcoholic. Charity begins at home. If the lady was not able to “counsel” her own husband and cure him of his alcoholism then how could she cure others?
If you have a personal problem like drinking or smoking, the best way is to solve it yourself. No one else can solve your problem better than you yourself. In these cases you just have to quit drinking or smoking. It is that simple. The solution is in your hands. You don’t need to go to a counsellor who will advise you to stop drinking or smoking. First you have to decide what is good for you and if you make up your mind to give up any habit you can do it yourself. I did it. I took a decision and I quit smoking and drinking forever, on the spot, there and then, in one day, and have never smoked tobacco or drank alcohol since. You can do it too. It works. You can take my word for it.
Similarly if two persons have a mutual problem it is best that they solve it themselves without involving a third party. Take the case of marriage. I feel that it is best for the husband and wife to mutually resolve issues in the marital relationship rather than involve someone else. If the marriage relationship between husband and wife gets so deteriorated that a third party needs to get involved in order for the couple to communicate, then the relationship is already dead in the water. When a relationship gets terribly demoralized by distrust, I feel that it is better to break up and severe the relationship rather than try to patch it up, especially by third party intervention.
That’s why I sometimes wonder whether marriage counselling really works or is it just a gimmick? If marriage counselling is really so effective then why are there so many divorces? Why can’t we solve our problems ourselves? Why can't a husband and wife sort out their issues mutually themselves?
This is the message in my story on marriage counselling.
I sometimes wonder about the very concept of counselling, especially marriage counselling. Does counselling help? Who does it help more – the counselee or the counsellor? I think counselling actually helps the counsellor more than the counselee. Apart from ego massage (a sense of self-satisfaction for the counsellor at having “helped” someone), it is a fact that talking with someone who needs comforting sometimes makes your own troubles go away. That is why I think the lady whose own husband was an alcoholic derived solace from counselling other alcoholics. And maybe a person whose own marriage is unhappy may find vicarious relief by indulging in marriage counselling.
Dear Reader. Do you agree? What is your experience? Do you think counselling works? In which scenarios does it work and where does it not? Do comment and let us know your views.
VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2011
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
Did you like this story? I am sure you will like the stories in my recently published book COCKTAIL comprising twenty seven short stories about relationships. To know more please click the links below:
Do try out this delicious, heady and exciting COCKTAIL
About Vikram Karve
A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and he is currently working on his novel. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles in magazines and journals for many years before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for almost 14 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India
Fiction Short Stories Book
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
We always have a clearer perspective when it comes to dispensing advice to others. But when it comes to us, we are muddled up. Ironic.
ReplyDelete@ Purba - You are absolutely right that we have different yardsticks for others and for your own self. I knew a feminist type marriage counselor who used to advise women not to accept any abuse or cruelty from their husbands under any circumstances but when it came to her own daughter who faced a similar situation the counselor sang a different tune and asked her daughter to compromise to save her marriage.
ReplyDeleteCharity Begins @ home. True but difficult to follow. Most successful people have bad family relations- why? Ego, total control on mind/action of one over other, not giving space to other are some of the reasons. Allowing each other ability to excel can create magic in family, alas only few understand it and even less practice it. SK Jain, IIT kanpur 66 batch, CEO Orix International Delhi http://orixintl.en.ecplaza.net
ReplyDeleteCharity begins @ home. Good to hear, difficult to practice. major successful people have battered family life. why?
ReplyDelete@ SK Jain - Yes Sir, you are absolutely right: charity begins at home. I also agree with your observation about "successful" people having bad family lives and wonder why.
ReplyDeleteVikram Karve, your comments about 'charity begins at home' about the counsellor whose husband was alcoholic are sadly both childish and unprofessional. We doctors face this dilemma on a regular basis and often are amused when someone says, "doctor saab, how come you have got diabetes yourself when you are a doctor?". I just laugh and leave it there, in most cases, on account of their ignorance. But didn't expect this level of ignorance from somebody studied at IIT. Pathetic.
ReplyDeleteDear "Anonymous":
ReplyDeleteI wish you would have commented under your name so that I could respond to you properly and we could discuss our viewpoints interactively.
Just two points:
1. The story is fiction
2. I am not a doctor or psychologist and I agree with you that I may be professionally ignorant on these matters. I was just articulating my personal views based on my observations, that's
all.
With respect to your observation, I feel there is a difference between diabetes and problems like marital discord and alcoholism.
I shall be grateful if you could please tell us how a person who cannot cure himself of alcoholism can cure others of alcoholism.
I wish you could write a blog on these subjects for the benefit of all.
Thank you for your views.
Regards
Vikram
Dear Vikram,
ReplyDeleteI read your article...and i felt you seeing it from one angel only. I myself am a psychotherapist and alternative therapist. I help others heal themselves. but, that doesn't necessarily mean that I can solve all my problems. In some issues I also require help because:
a) When I am solving my own problems...I am emotionally involved in that problem...my mind can be muddled up and for me to take the right decision to solve my problems and clear the clouds I might require a 3rd persons help ...and no1 better than a counsellor as that person can be neutral to the both the parties.
b) Sometimes the right direction can be to separate and a counsellor who understands human emotions and herself/himself knows that if a particular marriage means life long unhappiness than it is better to separate.So, it isn't fair to judge a counsellor - just because you feel that she was not able to save her marriage. It could be the counsellor saved both herself and her ex - husband by separating. (I very well understand that it is a fictional story but, the readers might get discouraged to go to a marriage counsellor by reading it...thus, losing their chance of any recounciliation).
c) Just because a counsellor is helping other people to the best of his/her abillity that doesn't mean he/she isn't human.
Just my thoughts...on your article..that it is too one - sided and negatively placed.
LOVE!LIGHT!LAUGHTER!
Darsha Gandhi Mehta
fillingupthedash-esoflife.blogspot.com
@ Darsha - Well this is just a fiction story. I agree with you on the point that it is sometimes difficult to solve a problem if you are a part of the same problem. And it is here that someone who can see things dispassionately like a counsellor can help you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your insightful views and comments
Regards
Vikram
I am a gynaecologist and have been through psychotherapy (counselling) for relationship and emotional issues for more than 2 years. I have found it to be the most gratifying experience of my life. I had two different counsellors, so it is not just the person that mattered. How I found counselling beneficial was:
ReplyDelete1. Someone who is all ears and cares for you (even if paid to do so). That itself is healing.
2. Good counselors never judge you. You feel so safe and can be yourself completely. A novel feeling.
3. Counselors ask relevant questions and give minimal inputs to set YOU thinking and give YOU insight and direction. They NEVER impose their ideas and values on to you. Just encourage you to understand your own motivations and find your happiness.
After I was "cured" (meaning, I didn't feel the need for support), I still maintain touch with my counselor. Each visit gives better self-awareness and adds to my growth.
Counseling works for people who have insight into their own weaknesses and are motivated to improve (personal responsibility). It would certainly not work for those who blame other people or circumstances.
I believe counseling helps the counselor. Obviously. The hand that gives the flower retains some of the fragrance. I am happy if my therapists have gained from treating me. Am very happy for them!
Dear Suman,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your insightful comment.
I liked your last part the best: "The Hand that gives the flower retains some of the fragrance".
I think that says it all.
Well, I had just written a tongue-in-cheek fiction short story and I must say that I feel enlightened by all the comments and feedback received from all my dear readers, and this has changed my views about counselling and therapy too.
Your comment is an eye opener for me too.
Thank you once again for sharing your experience and views which have added value to my blog and will benefit so many readers.
All the Best.
Regards
Vikram
I do understand the comments of those who say "it's easier to treat others, but tough to treat ourselves". To treat someone else, you have an unbiased, external view from where you can look at that person's problems and understand and accept them. Your own problems - I wonder if there's any human being who will accept all his/her problems completely. If such a human being exists, I don't think he/she will have any difficulty in life. He/She would accept all problems, work on it, solve it or just decide to leave it if it's not 'solvable' - and would have a nice life.
ReplyDeleteHusbands really need to be careful of other woman outside their marriage,this was a true life story that happened to me to my own notice my sister took my husband from me the Husband whom i have love so much and promise me that no woman will take him from me but all of a sudden things turned apart if not for my friend hear in USA that told me i needed a spell caster that can cast a spell to separate them maybe by now he must have went for a divorce which could have made me commit suicide because i loved him so much likewise like him also but how things turn around was a thing that surprised me.
ReplyDeleteI vowed that any thing it could cost me i must separate him and my elder sister i then collected the contact of this spell caster from my friend Mary she told me his name is spiritual Priest Ajigar and his email is priestajigarspells@live.com i contacted him and narrated the whole story to him he consulted and found out that my sister visited a spell caster that casted a spell that made him love her i then ask him what to do he told me that this spell needed to be broken so that my husband can leave her alone and come back to me the spell was broken and within three days he began to hate her that he even beat her up before he said to her that it is over between him and her right now my husband is with me again and take good care of me like he have never done before i thank my friend Mary but i own all thanks to priest Ajigar for bringing back my husband and i therefore for advice that if you notice any strange behavior in your marriage or your boy friend or girlfriend is cheating you contact Priest Ajigar to know the root of it he will surely help you out and give an everlasting solution to it.
Husbands really need to be careful of other woman outside their marriage,this was a true life story that happened to me to my own notice my sister took my husband from me the Husband whom i have love so much and promise me that no woman will take him from me but all of a sudden things turned apart if not for my friend hear in USA that told me i needed a spell caster that can cast a spell to separate them maybe by now he must have went for a divorce which could have made me commit suicide because i loved him so much likewise like him also but how things turn around was a thing that surprised me.
ReplyDeleteI vowed that any thing it could cost me i must separate him and my elder sister i then collected the contact of this spell caster from my friend Mary she told me his name is spiritual Priest Ajigar and his email is priestajigarspells@live.com i contacted him and narrated the whole story to him he consulted and found out that my sister visited a spell caster that casted a spell that made him love her i then ask him what to do he told me that this spell needed to be broken so that my husband can leave her alone and come back to me the spell was broken and within three days he began to hate her that he even beat her up before he said to her that it is over between him and her right now my husband is with me again and take good care of me like he have never done before i thank my friend Mary but i own all thanks to priest Ajigar for bringing back my husband and i therefore for advice that if you notice any strange behavior in your marriage or your boy friend or girlfriend is cheating you contact Priest Ajigar to know the root of it he will surely help you out and give an everlasting solution to it.
Facing marital issues and need marital and couple therapy? Improve your relationship by contacting Dr. Nazempoor. He helps you by providing the best marital and couple therapy in Texas, USA.
ReplyDeleteAppreciable and informative. I visited it the very first time. And I appreciate your hard work. You can see my site if you want to find more on Marriage Counseling. Marriage Counseling . attempts to improve romantic relationships and resolve interpersonal conflicts
ReplyDelete“If one or both partners have extramarital affairs that haven’t ended, or serious psychological or psychiatric problems,
ReplyDeleteit’s virtually impossible to do effective marital therapy,” says Cohan.
In that case, individual therapy may be recommended before any couples sessions are booked.
licensed marriage and family therapist
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During a marriage counseling session, couples work with their therapist to identify and address the problems
that need to be acknowledged and resolved. marriage therapist near me
Learning more effective ways to communicate with each other
Learning how to be vulnerable and truthful with each other
Learning how to control their anger and responses when they feel emotionally charged
Discovering why they choose to be married and their shared purpose in the marriage
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ReplyDeleteCouples Counselling and Therapy – Marriage Coaching
Counselling and therapy are two of the most popular ways to work on a relationship.
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