Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: July 2021

GRUMBLINGS OF A VETERAN

Most people retire at 60.

Some retire even later – at 65 or 70.

And – some people do not retire at all.

But in the Navy, Army and Air Force – they pack you off on superannuation much earlier – you have to retire in your early 50’s if you are an Officer – or even earlier – if you are a Sailor, Soldier, Airman.

Now – what do you do when you retire so early...?

Either – you take up a second career and keep slogging.

Or – you sit at home and rumble and grumble.

Well – that is what I have chosen to do – sit at home and carp, complain and grumble.

Let me share with you – Dear Reader – some of my grumblings...

(I first wrote this piece many years ago – a few years after I had retired from the Navy – but – the situation is still the same even today...)

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RETIREMENT BLUES

“WORKING” AFTER RETIREMENT
Grumblings of a Navy Veteran
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE

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WHAT IS THE MEANING OF “WORK”...?

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FIRST DEFINITION OF WORK

According to my wife – WORK means physical effort.

In her parlance – “work” is associated with physical labour.

There must be some visible physical effort – some movement involved.

Yes – for her – physical movement is the key attribute which defines WORK.

That’s why – when I was in the Navy – my wife was very happy – since – according to her – I was “working” very hard.

In the Navy – there is a lot of physical movement – everyone and everything is moving all the time – and – so was I – moving all the time.

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There is a saying in the Navy:

If it moves – salute it

If it doesn’t move – pick it up

If you can’t pick it up – paint it

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In the Navy (maybe in Army/Air Force too):

Work is associated with Movement

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The more you were seen moving – the more hardworking you were considered.

It did not matter whether you were achieving anything or not – you just had to keep moving.

So – since everyone wanted to appear hardworking – everyone was on the move all the time – saluting people – picking up things – and painting things that they could not pick up.

My wife loved to see me on the move all the time – and when I returned home physically exhausted after a hard day of “work” – she was convinced that I was working very hard.

“I wish you had never retired...” my wife moans, “you just don’t do any “work” now-a-days. All you do is sit at home in front of your laptop whole day...”

“What about those “Techies” – those IT Nerds...?” I ask, “they sit on their backsides all day in comfortable air-conditioned offices – they are transported back and forth to office in company buses – they have a relaxed 5 day week and all the perks – they don’t even have to lift a finger...”

And now – due to COVID “Work From Home” – these lucky “Techie” Nerds don’t even have to go to office – but they can sit at home on their backsides 24/7 – with zero movement.

So – if work is associated with movement – how can you say that they are “working”...?

“These IT “Techie” Nerds – they earn loads of money...” a friend says.

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SECOND DEFINITION OF WORK

Oh – so that’s the second definition of “work”.

WORK is associated with earning MONEY

The more money you earn – the more you are “working”.

The amount of work you do – is directly proportional – to the amount of money you earn.

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That’s funny.

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1. Physical Effort counts as “Work” – whether you earn money or not

But

2. Intellectual Effort does not count as “Work” – unless it earns you a lot of money

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To put it in gobbledygook:

Physical Work and Money may be mutually independent of each other.

But – Intellectual Work and Money are mutually interdependent.

In fact – the quantum of intellectual work is measured the amount of money you earn for doing that work.

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Now-a-days – I am a wannabe writer and blogger.

I spend my whole day reading, writing, surfing the internet and blogging – and in doing these activities – there is hardly any visible physical effort involved.

So – in my wife’s parlance – I don’t do any “work” – since no physical effort is involved.

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Also – at present – my writing and blogging does not earn me any money.

Yes – I have published a couple of books.

But – my books have not earned me much money – at least till now.

I am an avid blogger and write a blog post almost every day.

Blogging does not earn me any money – since I have not monetized my blog.

And the novel I am trying to write (my wife wonders whether it will ever see the light of day) – I don’t know whether or when it will earn me any money.

So – as per the second definition too – I don’t do any “work” – since I don’t earn any money from my writing/blogging.

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Yes – it is so simple.

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As far as my wife is concerned:

While I engage in creative writing and blogging:

1. I am not seen making any physical effort

and

2. I don’t make any money from my writing and blogging

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So – as per the two definitions of work – I don’t do any “work”.

QED.

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I am a lazy good-for-nothing guy – who is wasting my time and doing “nothing”.

Maybe – the novel I am writing will become a bestseller and earn me some money.

Maybe – someone may buy the movie rights of my novel and I may rake in the moolah.

Maybe – my Blog may become famous and someone will offer me an attractive proposition or lucrative job.

Then – the “effort” I am putting in my writing will qualify as “work”.

Till then – as far as my darling “hard working” wife and “money making” friends are concerned – I don’t do any “work”.

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People keep taunting me:

“You are such a qualified, experienced and talented guy. Why are you not working...? ”

“Why do sit at home whole day doing nothing...? I am sure you can get a good job.”

“As an Engineer, Designer, Manager, Consultant, even as a Professor – you don’t know your true worth – you can earn lots of money. So – why are you wasting your time...? Why don’t you do something – instead of sitting at home all day...?”

“Even if you want to write – the least you can do is write some professional stuff – instead of writing fiction. That will earn you some money, at least...”

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I have to hear all these taunts – all the time – from all sorts of people.

Yes – it is true.

I have got many lucrative job offers.

I can easily get a good job and “work” whole day.

But why don’t they understand...?

I don’t want a “job”.

I want to write fiction.

I want to write a novel.

I want to write stories.

I want to Blog.

I have found my “calling” – I have discovered my “metier” – my true vocation – Creative Writing and Blogging.

I want to spend the rest of life writing and blogging – surrounded by my books and my diaries in which I have made notes all these years – in front of my laptop – researching on the internet – hammering away at the keyboard – writing fiction – and Blogging away.

I am living the life I always dreamt of living.

Yes – I am going to write.

I will write my novel.

I will write on my blog.

I will write short stories.

I will write whatever I want to write – but I am going to write – and blog – Bash on Regardless...!!!

I am going to focus on writing what I like best – fiction.

Well – if you think I am wasting my time doing nothing – so be it.

To those who say that I don’t do any “work” – good luck to you.

I just don’t care what you say.

Because – I am going to be busy writing and blogging.

I know that this is real hard work – and I am working harder than I ever worked in my whole life – though it is not visible to you – either by way of physical effort or earning money.

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I will end with an anecdote, a true story, narrated by a famous writer.

The writer’s wife scolded him:

“You say that you are a writer – but I hardly see you writing. Most of the time – you relax in your chair with your eyes closed...”

The writer said to his wife:

“My Dear Wife – I am “writing” all the time. Do you know what creative writing is...? Writing is 90% creative thinking – and only 10% – is the physical process of writing...”

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PS:

For those of you – who think I am doing nothing after my retirement – if you think I am wasting my time – I will tell you this:

Just Google my name “VIKRAM KARVE”

And – you will be surprised to see how much I have “worked” after my retirement.

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VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
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© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This is a fictional spoof, satire, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. These tips are based on my own experience and represent my personal views which may not be universal in nature and may not apply to you. You must make your own career decisions with due diligence. Also, do take this post with a sense of humor.

3. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

This is a revised and updated version of an article I wrote after I retired and have posted online a number of times including at urls: https://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/02/what-is-work-meaning-and-definition-of.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/12/retirement-blues-grumblings-of-retired.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2017/04/working-after-retirement.html etc

EYEBROWS : Part 2

Story by VIKRAM KARVE

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Continued from EYEBROWS Part 1 URL: http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2021/07/eyebrows-part-1.html

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EYEBROWS

PART 2

Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) aka Dysmorphophobia

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EYEBROW DYSMORPHIC DISORDER (EDD)

After the party was over – we – “Doc” and Me – we decided to walk on the jetty – and “after dinner” walk to digest the heavy party dinner.

“Doc” said to me:

“You are crazy bugger – your boss has just reported to the ship – and you start brazenly flirting with his wife in her “welcome party”…”

“I told you – I was just admiring her beauty – her lovely eyes – but it was she who “accused” me of staring at her “eyebrows” – I think she was “flirting” with me – remember – even after you pulled me away – and I avoided her – she came again to talk to me – she is openly flirting with me – I think she wants to have an affair with me…” I said.

“Stop fantasizing…” “Doc” said to me, “she isn’t flirting with you – she is worried about her “eyebrows” – I think she has BDD…”

“BDD…?” I asked, clueless.

“BDD is the short form for Body Dysmorphic Disorder – also called Dysmorphophobia…” “Doc” said.

“What the hell is that…? Sounds like gobbledegook to me…” I said to “Doc”.

“Body Dysmorphic Disorder or BDD is a mental disorder where you get obsessed with a perceived flaw or blemish in some part of your body – which you feel affects your appearance or makes you look ugly. In most cases the imperfection is either imagined or it is so minor that it may not be noticed by others – but you feel that this “defect” makes you look unattractive – and you are obsessed with “correcting” the imaginary flaw. Like your Boss’s Wife thinks that there is something wrong her eyebrows and she is desperate to “correct” the perceived flaw in her eyebrows – even extreme measures like surgery…” said “Doc”.

“But there is nothing wrong with her eyebrows – I told her that…” I said.

“She won’t believe you – if she has BDD – she will be convinced that there is something wrong with her eyebrows – however much you try to reassure her that her eyebrows look normal...” “Doc” said, “did you see that way she was looking into the mirror – she was probably so preoccupied inspecting her eyebrows that she didn’t even notice you ogling brazenly at her body…”

“Yes…” I said, “even later – when she came to say “goodbye” to me – she was asking you about eyebrow correction surgery…”

“She won’t rest till something is done to her eyebrows…” “Doc” said.

“So – what do we do…?” I asked “Doc”.

“Well – I’ll talk to my classmate – who is a cosmetic surgeon – he will he happy to have a new patient…” “Doc” said.

“And my Boss’s Wife will be happy…” I said to “Doc”.

“I hope so…” “Doc” said, “hopefully she will be satisfied with the results – or she may still feel that her eyebrows are not okay and keep seeking other corrective treatments for her eyebrows – or worse – she may start finding new flaws on other parts of her body in case her dysmorphic tendencies are severe. Then she may require psychological counselling – or even psychiatric treatment – after all – BDD is a mental health disorder…”

“How do you know all this…?” I asked “Doc”.

“Because I am a psychiatrist…?” “Doc” said.

“What…?” I said surprised, “I didn’t know you were a bloody “shrink”…!!!”

“I don’t publicise it…” “Doc” said, “in the Military – people are shit scared of psychiatrists – so – everyone keeps away from us – just see the way you reacted the moment you came to know that I am a psychiatrist…!!!”

“But how did you land up her on the ship…?” I asked “Doc”.

“Just when I completed my specialisation – the buggers realised that I hadn’t done any “sea time” since I joined – so they posted me on this ship as medical officer. I hope to be out in 3 months the moment I get one ICR – then I’ll be posted to a hospital as psychiatric specialist…” “Doc” said, “please keep it to yourself…”

“Of course…” I said to “Doc”.

And then – we started walking back towards our ship’s gangway.

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To Be Continued…

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VIKRAM KARVE

Disclaimer:

This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

Continued from Eyebrows Part 1 url: http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2021/07/eyebrows.html

and http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2021/07/eyebrows-part-1.html

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve

Tuesday, July 27, 2021

“Working” After Retirement

Sunday, July 25, 2021

Eyebrows : Part 2