I am posting it once more for you to read, enjoy and ponder over.
As I said, this is a spoof, for fun, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh
Cheers ... !!!
DOES DRINKING ALCOHOL IMPROVE YOUR “OFFICER LIKE QUALITIES” (OLQ)...?
Conventional wisdom says that as you grow older – you should reduce your consumption of alcohol.
Yes – doctors say that you should drink less alcohol as you grow senior.
However – the Military Canteen Stores Department (CSD) seems to think otherwise.
The more senior you become – the more booze you are supposed to drink.
Yes – your Liquor Quota increases according to your rank.
I am not aware of the exact liquor quota nowadays – but in our time – junior officers got about 12 bottles of booze a month – the mid-level officers got 14 bottles a month – and senior officers got 16 bottles a month – and flag officers (Admirals) got unlimited liquor.
I understand that even after retirement – Generals, Admirals and Air Marshals enjoy unlimited liquor entitlement.
Well – the number of booze bottles in the rank based liquor quotas may have changed – but the logic remains the same:
Your Liquor Quota increases in direct proportion to your Rank
Going by this Topsy-Turvy Logic one may draw the inference that:
The more senior you become – the more liquor you are supposed to drink.
Conversely – as a corollary – one may surmise that:
Promotion is directly proportional to your drinking capacity or alcohol tolerance level.
The inference that can be drawn is that:
Drinking Alcohol Enhances OLQ (Officer Like Qualities).
In a nutshell – this liquor quota conundrum seems to be like a vicious cycle:
1. SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE NEED TO DRINK MORE ALCOHOL
(on the premise that – high rank increases the appetite for alcohol)
2. TO BE SUCCESSFUL YOU MUST DRINK MORE ALCOHOL
(on the premise that – Drinking Enhances OLQ or “Officer Like Qualities”)
Yes – the more the booze you can put down the hatch – and the more alcohol you can imbibe – the greater are your chances of promotion to higher ranks.
Ostensibly – in the Army and Navy – Career Prospects are linked to Drinking Capacity.
Your promotion depends on your drinking prowess.
It is simple:
The more you drink – the higher you go
THE MORE YOU DRINK – THE “HIGHER” YOU GO
DOES AN EXCEPTION PROVE THE RULE...?
Let me now digress a bit.
There is a saying:
AN EXCEPTION PROVES THE RULE
By the way – at least in my case – this “promotion is directly proportional to drinking capacity” theory did not hold true.
For had this premise been foolproof – then “yours truly” would surely have become an Admiral – because in my heyday – I could comfortably polish off more than half a bottle of Rum in a drinking session.
Yes – I had enormous capacity to hold my drinks – and I could easily drink most of the guys under the table.
Sadly – now – I am a teetotaller – but during my early Navy Days – I loved to drink – and I was a passionate drinker with great drinking capacity.
If career prospects indeed depended on drinking capacity – I should have certainly gone high up the promotion ladder.
But – maybe – I was an exception to the rule.
And – of course – there is a saying: “an exception proves the rule”
ALCOHOL TOLERANCE and PROMOTION POTENTIAL
Jokes apart – I feel that this absurd logic of a “pecking order” for liquor quotas is a rather bizarre interpretation of the RANK HAS ITS PRIVILEGES (aka RHIP) concept.
In fact – it is a rather feudal approach.
It extends the evil of “rank based discrimination” to absurd limits.
Can you please tell me:
By what logic does an elderly senior officer require to drink more alcohol than his much more younger and youthful junior...?
In fact – if you ask me – it may be more prudent to give more liquor quota to young carefree bachelor officers – and keep them in “high spirits” – rather than facilitate senior married officers to drown their sorrows in alcohol and damage their health – besides ruining their family life.
This “RHIP discrimination” continues after retirement too.
This “RHIP discrimination” happens – despite the fact that – once you retire from military service – you become a civilian – and you are considered equal in status with all others – irrespective of your service rank.
Of course – going by the logic of Rank Based Liquor Quotas – while you are in service – your Promotion Potential is directly linked to your Drinking Capacity (also called Alcohol Tolerance Level in medical parlance).
If you are a good drinker – you will have two advantages in the military:
1. Your drinking prowess will enable you reach high rank while in service.
2. Once you hang up your boots – your high rank will ensure that you get a higher liquor quota even after retirement.
And now – someone tells me – even the paramilitary forces want to join the liquor quota bandwagon – and are applying the same bizarre “RHIP” Logic for determining liquor quotas – and want to continue the same rank-consciousness after retirement too.
Some uninitiated civilians must be wondering what is this “liquor quota” all about.
Well – maybe some veteran can correct me – but as far as I understand – this Liquor Quota concept seems to be “Relic of the British Raj”.
MILITARY LIQUOR QUOTA – A RELIC OF THE BRITISH RAJ...?
The genesis of this liquor quota probably goes back to the days of the British Raj when a British Officer serving in India away from home was given a certain amount of liquor at concessional rates.
After Independence – like most rules and regulations made by the erstwhile British rulers – this concept was continued.
Yes – in many cases – we continue to follow archaic “Royal” traditions in our Defence and Civil Services – some obsolete customs and traditions which even the British have done away with long ago.
One wonders whether the British Defence Forces still have a Liquor Quota for their Servicemen and Military Veteran Ex-servicemen...?
“RUM BUM LASH” NAVY – BLACK TOT DAY
As far as the Royal Navy is concerned – I read somewhere that – the British Royal Navy has discontinued the daily “Rum Rations” given to sailors on board ships.
This day – 31 July 1970 – the last day when Rum Rations were served to sailors – was observed as “Black Tot Day”
Whether this “perk” of subsidized liquor is good or bad – this is a debatable issue.
But – subsidized liquor quota is certainly an incentive to drink alcohol.
I remember that subsidized liquor (or “Military Rum” in popular parlance) was considered a big perk in the erstwhile days of prohibition – when drinking was not quite prevalent in civilian society – and there was hardly any good quality Indian Liquor available.
But nowadays – post liberalization and globalization – the choicest quality of liquor is freely available all over – and – since most states levy various Taxes and VAT on CSD goods anyway – there is hardly any price differential between the CSD and Civil rates – so gradually – a day will come when this “liquor quota” may become irrelevant once GST is implemented for alcohol.
MILITARY LIQUOR QUOTA – Yes “RANK BIAS” but NO “GENDER BIAS”
It is interesting to note:
There is “Rank Bias” in the entitlement of CSD Liquor Quota – but – there is no “Gender Bias” as far as booze is concerned.
In the Defence Services – Liquor Quota is a “Gender Neutral” perk.
Yes – as far as drinking alcohol is concerned – Lady Officers of the Army, Navy and Air Force have equal opportunity to imbibe the same amount of Liquor as their Male Counterparts in the same Rank.
Women may have less alcohol tolerance levels as compared to men.
Women Officers may enjoy various “Gender Privileges” like relaxed physical standards and soft non-combat appointments.
But – as far as Liquor Quota is concerned – women officers enjoy the same liquor quota entitlement as their male “brother officers”.
Liquor Quota is “gender neutral”.
In the matter of booze – your gender does not matter – it is only your rank that matters.
Cheers for “gender equality”.
In fact – there is “gender privilege” in case a woman officer outranks her male colleague.
A senior female officer will get more liquor quota than a junior male officer.
And – if a female officer gets married to a fellow male officer (marriage in uniform) – then with both husband and wife each getting their liquor quotas.
So – for such military “marriages in uniform” – it is “cheers” all the way.
This is an incentive for “booze loving” military officers to marry fellow military officers and get double the liquor quota.
Yes – if you are a military officer – and you marry a fellow military officer – you will have a “cheerful” marriage – full of “cheers”...!!!
That calls for a drink...!!!
DOES DRINKING ALCOHOL IMPROVE YOUR OLQ (Officer Like Qualities)...?
But coming back to the moot point – I still have two sets of unanswered questions in my mind:
1. Are you supposed to drink more alcohol as you get senior...?
Is there a correlation between Rank and the amount of alcohol you need to imbibe...?
Do successful people need to drink more alcohol...?
Do senior officers really need to drink more than their juniors...?
Does drinking capacity increase with rank...?
2. Is drinking capacity the key to career success...?
Is promotion to senior ranks dependent on your drinking prowess...?
Do you need to drink more alcohol to be successful...?
Is there truth in the premise:
“The More You Drink – The Higher You Go...”
Ha Ha – I know that you become “high” when you drink – but this “high” refers to spirits (“high spirits”) – whereas in the context Military Liquor Quota – the “high” refers to rank.
Do you go Higher in your Military Career if you drink more Alcohol...?
It is a vicious circle:
The More You Drink – The Higher You Go – and – The Higher You Go – The More You Need to Drink.
Hence:
Alcohol and OLQ are inextricably intertwined.
For a Defence Services Officer – everything depends on your OLQ (Officer Like Qualities).
So – to put everything we have discussed in a nutshell – the Moot Question is:
Does drinking alcohol improve your OLQ...?
Will some “veteran” be so good as to enlighten us by answering this question.
Till then – “Cheers” – enjoy your “quota” – and have a drink...!!!
Dear Reader:
OROP (One Rank One Pension) a recent phenomenon – but – OROQ (One Rank One Quota) has existed since time immemorial.
VIKRAM KARVE
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Disclaimer:
1. This is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
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