Dear Reader:
I must confess that I am not proficient in the English Language (having studied Engineering).
Hence – whenever I sit to write – I keep beside me my loyal companions – the Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary and Roget’s Thesaurus.
Despite this – I do make a few errors – but I feel that these errors don’t matter much in “Creative Writing” – beacuse I feel that my aim as a creative writer is to get the message across to the reader – rather than display my prowess in the English Language.
The word “dependant” means “a person who depends on others for home, food, money etc”.
The word “dependant” is a noun.
The word “dependent” is the adjective meaning “needing something or someone else for support”.
The above is in “British English”.
However – in “American English” – there is no such word as “dependant” – and the word “dependent” is used for both meanings – as a noun – to mean “a person who depends on others for home, food, money etc” – and as an adjective – meaning “needing something or someone else for support”.
The title of this story is The “Dependent”
In this story – I am using the “American English” version of the word – namely – “dependent” – as a noun – to mean “a person who depends on others for home, food, money etc” – the same meaning as the British English “dependant”...
The “DEPENDENT”
A Fictional Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE
“I am not ‘dependent’ on anyone. Do you understand…?” I saw Mr. K shouting at the Canteen Manager.
“Please, Sir…” the Canteen Manager pleaded, trying to console him.
I decided to intervene.
I walked across – and – I asked Mr. K:
“Sir – what is the matter…? Can I help you…?”
“This man is saying that I am ‘dependent’ on my son. I am a retired Forest Officer. Even though I am retired – I earn more than my son – I have invested well – and I earn enough to live in top style – even my bloody pension must be more than my son’s salary…” Mr. K said angrily
“I understand, Sir…” I said, trying to calm him down.
“Do you know – I have a bungalow in the prime locality of Pune – in fact – my son took money from me when he wanted to book a measly flat in that AFNHB housing scheme in the ‘back of beyond’ – and – I gave him money to buy a car too – so – it is my son who is ‘dependent’ on me – and – this man says that I am ‘dependent’ on my son…” said Mr. K – still looking very upset.
Dear Reader – let me digress a bit – and – tell you what had happened.
Mr. K was the father of my “next door neighbor” Lieutenant Commander K (a Naval Officer posted on a “Hydro” Survey Ship).
Lieutenant Commander K had gone on a long sailing.
Lieutenant Commander K’s wife (Mrs. K “Junior”) worked as a Manager in a Bank in Vizag City – and she had long working hours.
So Lieutenant Commander K had requested his parents to come over to Vizag for “Nanny Duties” to look after Lieutenant Commander K’s small children.
Lieutenant Commander K had two small children who were looked after full-time by the grandmother (Lieutenant Commander K’s mother – Mrs. K “Senior”).
In India – a ‘Career Woman’ requires someone to look after her children.
Earlier – Mrs. K “Junior” had called her own mother to “hold the fort” – during both her pregnancies and for subsequent “Nanny Duties” – but – now – her NRI sister had called her mother for “Nanny Duties” – so her mother had gone overseas to the US for “Nanny Duties” and she was going to stay there for at least 6 months.
Hence – Mrs. K “Junior” had requested her husband Lieutenant Commander K to summon his mother Mrs. K “Senior” for “Nanny Duties”.
As is generally the case – Mrs. K “Junior” hated her mother-in-law Mrs. K “Senior” – but – she had no choice but to tolerate her for the sake of her children – and – more importantly – for the sake of her own career.
At first – Mrs. K “Senior” had come alone – but – 15 days later – her husband – Mr. K arrived in Vizag from Pune.
Mr. K felt lonely without his wife Mrs. K “Senior” – so he too had come over to Vizag to be with his wife.
In fact – Mr. K wanted to take his wife Mrs. K “Senior” back to Pune – but – their son Lieutenant Commander K and daughter-in-law Mrs. K “Junior” pleaded with them to stay for “Nanny Duties” till Lieutenant Commander K returned from sailing – after which he would try and make some arrangements.
The mother’s heart melted – and – Mrs. K “Senior” agreed to stay – so – much against his will – Mr. K was stuck in Vizag for at least 3 months.
One morning – Mr. K walked across to the INCS Canteen to buy some groceries.
(INCS stands for “Indian Naval Canteen Service” which is akin to the Army CSD “Canteen Stores Department”)
After buying groceries – Mr. K looked at the impressive display outside the “Liquor Section” of INCS.
Mr. K saw a bottle of his favourite whisky in the display – so he walked into the Liquor Section to buy a few bottles of his favourite whisky.
There – Mr. K was in for a rude shock.
“Sir – we don’t issue liquor to ‘dependents’…” the salesman at the Liquor Counter said.
“I am the Officer’s father…” Mr. K said.
“Sir – the Officer has to come in person to collect liquor – we don’t issue liquor to ‘dependents’…” the INCS Salesman said.
“Why are you calling me “dependent”…? I told you that I am the Officer’s father. That man over there in that section didn’t have any problem giving me items on this card…” Mr. K said, pointing at the INCS Card which he had kept on the counter.
“Sir – that is the groceries section – ‘dependents’ can take groceries – but liquor is issued only to officers…”
“Why are you calling me “dependent” again and again…” Mr. K shouted angrily.
On hearing the commotion – the Canteen Manager reached the spot – and – he tried to explain to Mr. K that liquor could not be issued to ‘dependents’.
On hearing the word ‘dependent’ being uttered again – Mr. K flared up and he shouted at the Canteen Manager:
“I am not “dependent” on anyone. Do you understand…?”
“Please, Sir…” the Canteen Manager pleaded, trying to console him.
I decided to intervene.
I walked across – and – I asked Mr. K:
“Sir – what is the matter…? Can I help you…?”
“This man is saying that I am ‘dependent’ on my son. I am a retired Forest Officer. Even though I am retired – I earn more than my son – I have invested well – and I earn enough to live in style – even my bloody pension must be more than my son’s salary…” Mr. K said angrily
“I understand, Sir…” I said, trying to calm him down.
“Do you know – I have a bungalow in the prime locality of Pune – in fact – my son took money from me when he wanted to book a measly flat in that AFNHB housing scheme in the back of beyond – and – I gave him money to buy a car too – so – it is my son who is ‘dependent’ on me – and – this man says that I am ‘dependent’ on my son…” said Mr. K – still looking very upset.
“Please, Sir – I will get you what you want…” I said.
“I don’t want anything…” Mr. K said, “This bloody place is so far from town – that is why I came here – but – I will never come here again – I will take a taxi – I will go to Vizag City – and – I will buy whatever I want – including the best of whisky – I can afford it – I need not come here to get insulted…”
“Sir, we did not insult you…” the INCS Salesman said.
“Why did you call me ‘dependent’…? I told you that I am not ‘dependent’ on anyone – but you keep calling me ‘dependent’. I am a ‘self-made’ man – I have ‘self-respect’ – I am not ‘dependent’ on my son…” Mr. K said.
“Sir – we know you are not ‘dependent’ on anyone – but – it is just Navy Terminology to call parents as “dependents”…” I said.
“Yes, Sir – in the Navy – it is the general practice to call parents as ‘dependents’ – we did not mean to insult you – we have high respect for you, Sir…” the Canteen Manager said, trying to pacify Mr. K
Mr. K seemed to have calmed down a bit.
So – I asked Mr. K:
“Sir – which whisky do you want…?”
Mr. K pointed at a bottle kept in the showcase.
I nodded to the Canteen Manager – and – he issued a bottle of whisky on my liquor card – and gave it to me.
I dropped Mr. K home on my scooter.
At first – Mr. K refused to take the bottle of whisky – then – he insisted on giving me money – but – I told him that this bottle was with ‘compliments’ from me – and – he could give me a treat me later.
In the evening – I saw Mr. K standing outside – so I called out to him:
“Sir – would you like to come for a walk…?”
Mr. K readily accepted my invitation – and – so – Mr. K joined us for our customary evening walk to the beach below Dolphin’s Nose.
As usual – after our evening walk – we headed to the Navy Club for a drink.
Mr. K readily accepted our offer of a drink.
Then – he accepted an offer of a cigarette too – and soon we were drinking and smoking and talking.
After some time – stimulated by the alcohol in his system – Mr. K started talking uninhibitedly – and he told us about his life:
“I used to be a forest officer – I was a ‘King’ in my jungle – I love my drinks and food – and just see how my children turned out to be – it’s pathetic – I put both my sons in the defence services – and both turned out to be non-drinkers and non-smokers – it is a bloody disgrace – and this younger son in the navy – he is a bloody ‘sissy’ – he is so bloody henpecked – he does not even keep booze in his house – you gave me a bottle of whisky today – and my daughter-in-law made a big ‘hungama’ when she saw the bottle in the evening – and – my daughter-in-law has told my wife that she doesn’t allow alcohol in the house – so – I shouldn’t drink at home…”
“Sir – you are always welcome to join us in the evenings…” I said to Mr. K.
“I am really enjoying drinking with you all…” Mr. K said.
We drank – we smoked – we nibbled the small eats – and we talked.
The old man was a natural raconteur – and he regaled us with yarns of his forest officer days – his adventures in the jungles – the shikar (hunting) and barbeque parties they had.
When you are enjoying yourself – time passes quickly – and suddenly – the steward came and asked us for our permission to close the bar – it was 10 PM.
We ordered the last round of drinks.
I noticed that Mr. K was in high spirits.
“Yo-Ho-Ho and a Bottle of Rum...” Mr. K sang merrily, “that’s what you Navy boys say – isn’t it…?”
Mr. K swayed happily – as he walked home unsteadily.
It felt good to see the Mr. K in such high spirits – and I felt pleased – at doing my bit to make the old man happy – especially after the morning’s episode in the INCS canteen.
I escorted Mr. K to the door of his son’s (Lieutenant Commander K’s) house – and – I rang the doorbell.
Mr. K was swaying from the side to side – and – I had to hold his hand to steady him – Mr. K seemed to be in the highest of spirits.
The old man’s wife Mrs. K “Senior” opened the door.
As he entered his house – Mr. K was singing on top of his voice:
“Yo-Ho-Ho and a Bottle of Rum – Yo-Ho-Ho and a Bottle of Rum...”
I could see his daughter-in-law Mrs. K “Junior” standing in the drawing room.
The daughter-in-law Mrs. K “Junior” was looking aghast on seeing her father-in-law Mr. K in this “happy” drunken state.
For the next few days – we followed the same routine.
Mr. K would be waiting for me in the evening – and – we would go for our evening walk – followed by a drinking session in the Navy Club.
After a few drinks – Mr. K would get into full form – and we enjoyed his tall stories of his adventurous life as a Forest Officer.
Mr. K told us about the bungalow he had built back home – and invited all of us to visit him there – and he promised us plenty of booze and delicious barbeque of various meats.
“Hey – let’s have tomorrow evening’s session on my ship...” a friend who was commanding a ship said, “I will tell the cook to prepare some good chicken and mutton dishes – and some fish and prawns for “small eats”...”
“Sir – I hope you like fish…” the officer asked Mr. K.
“Of course, I love fish – I like everything “non-veg” – chicken, mutton, fish – as they say – I eat anything that moves…” Mr. K said, “in fact – I am dying to have some good non-veg food – my daughter-in-law is a pure vegetarian – and – she doesn’t even allow my wife to cook non-veg in the house…”
That evening – we had a truly wonderful evening on the ship – drinking the best of Scotch whisky and relishing the best of food.
As I watched Mr. K swaying happily on his way home – I realized that he was in even higher spirits than the previous evenings.
As usual – when he entered his house – Mr. K was singing on top of his voice:
“Yo-Ho-Ho and a Bottle of Rum – Yo-Ho-Ho and a Bottle of Rum...”
On the next day – when I came home in the afternoon for my lunch break – my wife said angrily to me:
“Why do you do these things...? Mrs. K was here this morning on her way to work. She is very angry with you…”
“Which Mrs. K – “Senior” or “Junior”…?” I asked.
“Of course it was Mrs. K “Junior” – your friend Lieutenant Commander K’s wife…”
“So – what did the snooty Bank Manager have to say…?”
“Mrs. K is angry with you…” my wife said.
“Why…? What have I done to her…?” I asked.
“Mrs. K told me that you were “spoiling” her father-in-law…” my wife said.
“What...? She said that I am “spoiling” her father-in-law...? What nonsense...? The old man is double my age. How the hell can I “spoil” him...?” I said.
My wife looked at me – and she said angrily to me:
“Mrs. K was very rude to me...”
“What did she say…?” I asked.
“She said that you were already a big “drunkard” – you were a total “kabaabi” and “sharaabi” – and now – you were converting her father-in-law into a “drunkard”. Well – Mrs. K has asked me to tell you that you should not to call her father-in-law for drinks in the evenings…”
“So – Mrs. K “Junior” doesn’t want her father-in-law to have a good time. But – you tell me – what about the old woman – the senior Mr. K’s wife – the “Senior” Mrs. K – the old man’s wife – what does she have to say…? After all – the old man Mr. K is her husband…”
“I don’t know – she must be so busy looking after the children that she hardly comes out of the house. But – please – you do what you want – but – please don’t take Mr. K with you…” my wife pleaded.
That evening – I saw Mr. K waiting for me – ready for the evening action – for a walk and a booze session.
I told him what had happened – that his daughter-in-law had warned my wife that I should not take him for drinks. So please don’t take Mr. K for a drink.
“How dare she do that…?” Mr. K said.
“Sir – let’s go for a walk – your daughter-in-law hasn’t prohibited us from taking you for a walk with us – she has only prohibited us from offering you booze …” I joked.
On our way back – we passed the fish market near the beach.
There was plenty of fresh catch.
“I have got an idea…” Mr. K said, “The fish looks good. Let’s buy some fish – and some prawns – my wife is an excellent cook – tonight we will have the “drinking session” at our place – I still have that bottle of whisky you gave me. Ha Ha – since my daughter-in-law has prohibited you from offering me booze – tonight – I am going to treat you to some good booze and food…”
“Sir – but your daughter-in-law…? She doesn’t allow booze and non-veg at home – isn’t it…?” I asked.
“I am not “dependent” on her…” Mr. K said, “in fact – my daughter-in-law is “dependent” on me. Just imagine – if I take my wife away to Pune with me – it will be my daughter-in-law who will be left “high and dry”…”
“That is true – it is your daughter-in-law who is “dependent” on you...” I said.
And that night – we enjoyed enormously – delicious seafood with the best of whisky.
All of us – the old man Mr. K – and we young Naval Officers – we ate and drank till the wee hours of the morning.
And – while we enjoyed in the living room – the snooty “dependent” daughter-in-law sulked in her bedroom.
VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
Disclaimer:
1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
This story is based on my Humor in Uniform Stories posted online earlier and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/05/humor-in-uniform-tale-from-my-vizag.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/07/the-dependent-old-man-story.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/02/humor-in-uniform-jolly-good-fellow.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/04/the-dependent-old-man-story-from-my.html etc
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