Do Women Treat Daughters and Daughters-in-Law Differently...?

Sometime ago – I met a lady at a family get-together. 

The lady’s daughter-in-law was dutifully following her all around – like the lamb in the nursery rhyme “Mary Had a Little Lamb”  

“Of course my son and “daughter-in-law” stay with me in our house – I believe in the Joint Family System...” the lady said – when someone asked the lady where her daughter-in-law lived. 

A few minutes later – I met the lady’s daughter and her husband (son-in-law of the lady).

I knew her “in-laws” – they lived in Sadashiv Peth. 

I asked the lady’s daughter: 

“So – how is Sadashiv Peth...? I lived there in the 1960’s when I was a small boy...” 

“I don’t live in Sadashiv Peth – I live in Aundh...” the lady’s daughter said. 

“Oh – so your “in-laws” have shifted to Aundh...?” I asked. 

“No – my “in-laws” stay in the same old bungalow in Sadashiv Peth – but I stay with my husband in our flat in Aundh...” she said. 

Later – I asked the lady: 

“So – your daughter doesn’t stay with her “in-laws”...?” 

“No. No. My daughter lives in her flat in Aundh. I advised my daughter to stay separately – so she can enjoy her freedom – her “in-laws” are very old-fashioned – especially her mother-in-law – she will make my daughter’s life hell...” the lady said. 

I smiled to myself at her double-standards and hypocrisy: 

The “Joint Family System” was good for her daughter-in-law 

but 

The same “Joint Family System” was not good for her daughter

And – I remembered a story I had written sometime ago.

Sometimes – Truth is stranger than Fiction – or rather – there is a very thin line between truth and fiction.

Read on...

JOINT FAMILY versus NUCLEAR FAMILY 

HYPOCRISY – A Story of Double Standards

By

VIKRAM KARVE

Part 1

JOINT FAMILY

“Is everything okay...? You don’t look well...” I said to the “Techie” girl in my office.

“I am okay, Sir – I am just feeling tired, that’s all...” she said.

“Tired…? Well – work has just begun…”

“My tiredness is not work-related, Sir…”

“Tell me – what is the matter…?” 

She said: 

“Sir – for me – it’s the long commute to work that wears me out – it takes me nearly 2 hours to get here to Hinjewadi from Kharadi.

And Sir – in the evening – you know how bad the rush hour traffic is in Pune – it sometimes takes me 3 hours to get home. 

And then – even at home – there is so much work to do in the house – cooking, housework etc 

I have to cook in the morning – and then again in the evening – sometimes I feel that I will collapse due to the exhaustion…” 

I said:

“Why don’t you shift nearby…? 

There are plenty of flats available in Wakad – just a 10 minute drive from Hinjewadi. 

You will easily get a good 2 BHK flat on rent well within your HRA – and it will be convenient for your husband too – his factory in Chinchwad is also a 10 minute drive from Wakad. 

In fact – there are some flats available for rental in my society – I will ask around – or – if you want – you can even buy your own flat in Wakad – I will find out…” 

She said: 

“Thank you, Sir – but my “mother-in-law” will not allow us to stay separately…” 

“Really…? Why…?” I asked her. 

She said: 

“Sir – my “mother-in-law” says that she believes in the “Joint Family System”…”

Part 2

NUCLEAR FAMILY

Three years later – I met the same “mother-in-law” – yes – the very same mother-in-law of my erstwhile “Techie” colleague.

She was the same woman who believed in the “Joint Family System”.

By the way – I had changed my job – and – I was now working for another “IT Software Company” – also located in Hinjewadi.

Call it coincidence – but the woman’s daughter had recently joined my new company.

And – like her “daughter-in-law” – her daughter was also a “Techie”.  

It was the company anniversary function.

The woman’s “Techie” daughter had come along with her husband – and she had also brought her mother and father along. 

The woman smiled at me. 

(She was the same woman who was the “mother-in-law” of my earlier colleague – and – the mother of my present colleague) 

I introduced myself. 

I told the woman that I had earlier worked with her “daughter-in-law” in my previous office. 

I said to the woman:

“So – like your “daughter-in-law” – your daughter too must be having a tough time commuting to work to Hinjewadi from the city every day…” 

The woman said: 

“No – my daughter lives in Wakad…” 

I said: 

“Oh – your daughter lives nearby in Wakad...? 

So – her “in-laws” – your daughter’s “in-laws” – they live in Wakad – is it...? 

The woman said: 

“No – her “in-laws” live in their house in Model Colony – which is too far from her office…” 

I was baffled.

The woman made her “daughter-in-law” commute every day from Kharadi – which was 30 kilometers away from Hinjewadi – whereas Model Colony was only 15 Kilometers from Hinjewadi. 

Yes – Kharadi was much further away from Hinjewadi – than Model Colony – where her daughter’s “in-laws” lived. 

So – I said to the woman:

“Model Colony is not that far away from Hinjewadi…”  

The woman said: 

“Actually – it is not that. 

I did not want my daughter to stay with her “in-laws” – they are too “old-fashioned”

So – so I told my daughter and her husband to buy their own flat and stay separately…” 

Surprised at her answer – I said to the woman:

“But – I thought that you believed in the “Joint Family System” 

Didn’t you make your “daughter-in-law” stay with you as a “Joint Family”…?” 

The woman said: 

“That is different…” 

I was astonished – so I asked the woman: 

“Different…? 

What do you mean “different”…? 

You force your “daughter-in-law” to stay with you as a “Joint Family” 

But – you tell your daughter to live separately from her “in-laws” as a “Nuclear Family”…? 

I just don’t understand your views. 

Do you believe in the “Joint Family System”...? 

Or – do you believe in the “Nuclear Family System”...?

Please tell me clearly – do you believe in “Joint Family System” or “Nuclear Family System”...? 

The woman said to me:

“You won’t understand these things…” 

And – she quickly walked away. 

EPILOGUE 

Yes – I don’t understand these things – I just don’t understand the hypocrisy.

As a “mother-in-law” – she believed in the “Joint Family System” 

She wanted her “daughter-in-law” to live under her command – and – she expected her “daughter-in-law” to serve her... 

She did not want to give her “daughter-in-law” any freedom...

But – as a mother – she believed in the “Nuclear Family System” 

She wanted her daughter to live separately from her “in-laws”

She wanted her daughter to enjoy her freedom ...

I don’t understand why women have “double standards” – one yardstick their “daughters-in-law” – and – another yardstick for their own daughters. 

Dear Reader: 

Please tell us what you have observed around you. 

Do Women treat Daughters and Daughters-in-Law differently...? 

VIKRAM KARVE

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Disclaimer:

1. This fiction story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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Abridged and Revised Version of my Story HYPOCRISY posted online earlier by me Vikram Karve on January 25, 2016 in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/01/hypocrisy.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/02/joint-family-versus-nuclear-family.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/06/family-humor-joint-family-versus.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/03/mother-and-mother-in-law-dr-jekyll-and.html