What is Good for the “Goose” is Not Good for the “Gander”

WHAT IS GOOD FOR THE “GOOSE” IS NOT GOOD FOR THE “GANDER”

A Spoof

Short Fiction

By

VIKRAM KARVE

(A young woman is being “counselled” by a lady marriage counsellor)

“I think it will be best for you to divorce your husband…”

“What...?”

“Yes – divorce is the best option…”

“How can you say this…? You are a marriage counsellor – you are supposed to “save” marriages – not “break up” marriages...”

“Yes – in most cases – I try to save the marriage. But – in your case – I will recommend immediate separation from your husband – followed by a quick divorce – that will be best course of action for you. In fact – I will advise you to walk out of your husband’s home today itself – and go to live in your parents’ place…”

“Today…? You want me to leave my husband today…?”

“Yes. Your husband has been cheating on you. How can you stay for even one moment with such a deceitful man…? From whatever you have told me – it is clear that your husband has committed adultery – and – he has admitted his infidelity to you…”

“Yes – my husband confessed to me that he had an “affair” – he said “sorry” – and – he promised he would never do it again…”

“Really…? And – you believe him…?”

“He said he was “committed” to me…”

“If your husband was so “committed” to you – he would have been loyal to you – he wouldn’t have had an “extramarital affair”…”

“But…?”

“Please – no “ifs” and “buts” now – you have to be firm and make up your mind quickly. It is a question of your life – you are young – just 25 – you have no children – so – it is best for you to get out of this marriage as quickly as possible. I know a good divorce lawyer…”

“Divorce Lawyer…? Are you sure…? Do I have to act so fast…?”

“Yes – you have to act fast. Why are you looking so flabbergasted…?”

“I am flabbergasted. I thought you would counsel me to save my marriage – I thought you would convince me to accept my husband’s apology and “patch up” with my husband…”

“Patch-up…? There is no question of “patch-up”…”

“But – my husband says he will do his best to improve our relationship…”

“It is all a fake façade. Remember one thing – a relationship damaged by “breach of trust” is damaged forever and can never be improved – so – such a damaged relationship is best terminated. That is why I strongly believe – when a relationship is damaged by “distrust” – it is better to “break up” – rather than try to “patch up”...”

“Distrust…?”

“Your husband has broken your trust. By committing adultery – he has violated the sanctity of marriage. He needs to be taught a lesson – in addition to filing for divorce – I will advise you to file a criminal case against him…”

“Criminal case…?”

“Yes – adultery is a criminal offence – if committed by a man. You don’t worry – the divorce lawyer will handle everything – she will “finish off” your husband – she will bring him to his knees – and – she will ensure that you get the best deal – a good alimony, maintenance, compensation, property share, whatever is possible…”

“Please – please – please…”

“What happened…? You look confused...”

“I never expected you to tell me all this – you want me to divorce my husband – you want me to file a criminal case against him for adultery…”

“So – what did you expect me to tell you…?”

“I thought you would advise me to save my marriage – I thought you would advise me to bring along my husband for counselling – for joint counselling together…”

“Well – I would have done all that had there been “compatibility issues” in your marriage – I would have counselled you to save your marriage by making mutual adjustments – but – where “trust issues” are involved – I advise divorce – especially in cases of adultery – which cannot be forgiven or forgotten…”

“Thank you for your frank advice…” the young woman, 25, says to the lady marriage counsellor, who seems to be her late 40’s.

“I am telling you once again – in your case – the best way is to divorce your husband – be firm and decide quickly – don’t waver – your husband will try all sorts of emotional tricks – but you don’t budge. I will refer you to the divorce lawyer – she is the best in town…” the lady counsellor tells the young woman.

The young woman leaves the lady marriage counsellor’s office.

The lady marriage counsellor looks at the clock on her desk.

It is 6:15 PM in the evening.

She looks at her diary.

The next appointment is at 6:30 PM – the last appointment of the day – so she has time for a cup of coffee.

She pours a cup of coffee from her flask.

Then – the lady marriage counsellor takes out her smartphone from her purse and switches it on (she always keeps her phone “switched-off” during counselling sessions).

She sees a message from her daughter: “Call me. It’s urgent…”

The lady marriage counsellor calls her daughter.

The daughter says: “I am waiting at home. Come home quickly. I want to talk to you urgently…”

“Home…?” her mother – the lady marriage counsellor asks.

“Your home – I am waiting for you inside your flat. You please come home immediately…” her daughter says.

“But – I have an appointment at 6:30…” the lady marriage counsellor says.

“You cancel all appointments – I need you right now…” her daughter says, with desperation in her voice.   

Normally – the lady counsellor never cancels appointments – but – she is worried about the desperation in her daughter’s voice – something seems to be terribly wrong.

So – the lady marriage counsellor reschedules the 6:30 appointment for another day – and – she drives home.

When she reaches home – the lady marriage counsellor sees her daughter looking distraught – sitting on the sofa.

The lady marriage counsellor asks her daughter: “What happened…? Why have you suddenly come here…?”

“I have left my husband – I have decided to divorce him…” the daughter says.

“Divorce…? Have you gone crazy…? What happened…?”

“My husband is having an “affair” – I caught him red-handed with a woman…”

“What…?”

“Yes. My husband is having an “extramarital affair” – bloody adulterous cheat – I can’t stay with him for even one moment now – I have decided to divorce him…”

“Divorce…? Wait. Don’t be so impulsive. We will work it out. You don’t break up a marriage for such a “small thing”…”

“What do you mean by “small thing”…? Is adultery a “small thing”…?”

“Maybe – it is some misunderstanding…”

“I have “evidence” that my husband is having an affair…”  

“You have “evidence”…?”

“Yes…” the daughter says – and – she holds her smartphone in front of her mother and shows her mother some pictures.

After seeing the pictures – the lady marriage counsellor says to her daughter: “But – did you ask your husband about this – did you show him these pictures…?”

“Yes – I asked him the moment he came home in the evening – at first – he denied everything – but – when I showed him the pictures – he “confessed” about his “affair”…”

“Then…?”

“Then what…? I just walked out of the house – I took a taxi – and I came here…”

“Did he try to speak to you…?”

“He is continuously trying to call me – but – I am not answering his calls…”

“You should talk to him…”

“You want me to talk to that adulterous cheat…? There is no question of my talking to him – in fact – I want to send him to jail for committing adultery…”

“Cool down. Don’t be so impulsive. What will you achieve by sending your husband to jail…? What will you gain by divorce…? You are only 25. It is a question of your life. I feel that you should talk it out with your husband – I am sure he is “sorry” for what he has done and he will never do it again – and – I am sure that things will become okay between you two. Divorce is an extreme step – so don’t be reckless about it…”  

After uttering these words of advice to her daughter – the lady marriage counsellor takes out her mobile phone – and she calls up her “adulterous” son-in-law – to “counsel” him on how to “save” his marriage… 

VIKRAM KARVE

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Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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© vikram karve., all rights reserved.