“Sea Dogs” and “Sea Dolls” – Navy Humor

Humor in Uniform

Navy Humor

“SEA DOGS” and “SEA DOLLS”

A Spoof

By

VIKRAM KARVE

Disclaimer:

1. Please read this spoof only if you have a sense of humor. 

2. This article is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh. 

3. This spoof is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

“SEA DOGS” and “SEA DOLLS”

The terms “dog” and “doll” are used in a metaphorical sense.

Whenever I want to use slang or unconventional English – I refer to The Concise New Partridge Dictionary of Slang and Unconventional English 

In this Slang Dictionary – one meaning of the word “doll” is “a very attractive person of any sex that you may find attractive”.

So – as per this definition – a “Sea Doll” is a person who you may find attractive at sea – in short: 

“Sea Doll” is a good looking Naval Officer or Sailor.

And – of course – you know that:

“Sea Dog” means an experienced Naval Officer or Sailor.

SEA DOGS and SEA DOLLS – A Spoof by Vikram Karve

When I joined the Navy – 41 years ago – in the 1970’s – I observed that there were two types of Naval Officers:

1. Sea Dogs

2. Sea Dolls

Now – before you jump the gun and accuse me of “gender insensitivity” – please note that the term “Sea Doll” is not being used for Women Naval Officers.

When I joined the Navy – there were no Women Naval Officers – except a few “landlubber quack chicks” in the medical branch.

Even today – in India – Women Naval Officers adorn only “soft” shore billets.

A Woman Naval Officer does not have to undergo the tough strenuous ship life of Male Naval Officer on warships at sea.

So – maybe I will have to conjure up some other epithet (without the prefix “sea”) for these “feminine landlubber ladies” in white uniform.

I have digressed – so let me come back to the topic of “Sea Dogs” and “Sea Dolls”.

As a young Naval Officer – I realized that there are Two Navies within the Navy:

1. The Operational Navy – comprising all aspects pertaining to warfighting at sea – warships, submarines, aircraft, the dockyards and various frontline units supporting the fleet...

2. The Ceremonial Navy – comprising all the “showmanship” activities like parades, fleet reviews, Public Relations (PR) Exercises, “shop windows”, events like navy week and navy ball, public shows, parties, social events et al…

“Sea Dogs” ran the “gristly, gritty and grimy” Operational Navy.

“Sea Dolls” ran the “spick and span” Ceremonial Navy.

“Sea Dogs” were rugged masculine looking men.

In contrast – “Sea Dolls” adorned the “fair and handsome” genteel “metrosexual” look.

Most “Sea Dogs” sported rough and tough “Full Set” Beards.

“Sea Dolls” preferred to have an elegant and pretty “clean-shaven” look.

There were some exceptions.

I have seen some clean-shaven non-bearded “Sea Dogs”.

But – I have never seen a “Sea Doll” with a beard.

Whether bearded or not – “Sea Dogs” preferred the tough natural look – a seaman’s robust grooming and rugged brawny turn out.

“Sea Dolls” were obsessed with maintaining a suave polished appearance and chic glamorous attractive turn out.

“Sea Dogs” were “tough cookies”.

Most “Sea Dogs” had an abrasive personality – like rough and tough sailors.

In stark contrast – “Sea Dolls” were “smooth operators”.

All “Sea Dolls” had a pleasing personality – like slick charming corporate executives.

In earlier days – it was the “Sea Dogs” who dominated the senior ranks in the Navy. 

But – gradually – the tide seems to have turned in favour of the “Sea Dolls”.

I wonder whether the same applies to the Army and Air Force – and what are the Army and Air Force equivalents of “Sea Dogs” and “Sea Dolls”.

By the way – have you read the classic military novel Catch-22...?

Yes...? You have read Catch-22...? Good. 

Let me give you a metaphorical example from the novel Catch-22.

If “Catch 22” was a Navy Novel: 

A “Sea Dog” would be someone like General Dreedle 

(an archetypal no-nonsense blunt plain-speaking military man) 

and 

A “Sea Doll” would be someone like General Peckem 

(a pompous pretentious sycophantic show-off)

If you have read Catch-22 – you will understand what I mean. 

Dear Reader: 

I can go on and on about “Sea Dogs” and “Sea Dolls” till the cows come home – but by now – I am sure you have got the drift.

So – the next time you see a Naval Officer – have some fun and amuse yourself.

Have a good look at the Navy Officer – and try to judge for yourself: 

Is he a tough “Sea Dog”...? 

Or – is he a glamorous “Sea Doll”...?

VIKRAM KARVE

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Disclaimer:

1. This blog post is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh. 

2. This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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