Humor in Uniform – Navy “Placebo” for Seasickness

HUMOR IN UNIFORM 

NAVY “GYAN”

A “Qualitative” Seasickness Test 

PLACEBO FOR SEASICKNESS

I do not know whether there is a “seasickness test” now for Navy aspirants. 

But – more than 41 years ago – way back in the 1970’s – after you cleared the Services Selection Board (SSB) – there was a comprehensive Medical Examination – but – I do not recall any test for “seasickness”.

The result of this was that – you came to know of your propensity to seasickness – only when you sailed out to sea for the first time after you joined the Navy. 

And – if you were a terribly seasick type – it was quite late in the day – and so – many who could not bear their “seasickness” – they opted out of the Surface Navy – by “volunteering” for Submarines or Air Technical Branches.

I am sure that with advances in medical technology – there may be a quantitative “seasickness test” now.

But – here is a story about how I learnt about a qualitative “seasickness test” from a hardened sailor – what they call in the Navy – a tough “sea-dog”...

SEASICKNESS  –  PREVENTION AND CURE 
“Qualitative” Seasickness Test
A Spoof

By

VIKRAM KARVE

As a young Naval Officer – in the 1970’s – the first month of my “sea time” was sheer bliss.

Our ship was berthed alongside in harbour at Bombay (now called Mumbai) for a “maintenance period”.

Every evening – we would imbibe a generous amount of the best Scotch Whisky in the ship’s wardroom – and then – we would go ashore to enjoy the delights that “maximum city” Bombay had to offer.

Suddenly – the fun time was all over – and – we were off to sea.

It was monsoon time.

The sea was rough.

And – as we headed out to sea – our ship – a frigate – started rolling and pitching quite furiously.

Many individuals – Officers and Sailors – started getting sea-sick.

The Ship’s Doctor had hit the bunk in the sickbay in anticipation of sailing.

Yes – he had disappeared below decks to the sickbay in harbour itself – the moment “Special Sea Dutymen” (SSD) had closed up for duty.

At “Both Watches” – after briefing the sailors regarding the exercises during the sailing programme – I told my Master Chief: 

“This is my first sailing on this ship. In case I get “sea-sick” – you take charge.”

My Master Chief Petty Officer (MCPO) – a grizzled old “sea-dog” – who was arguably the senior-most sailor in our branch – and certainly – the senior-most sailor on board our ship – he said to me – matter-of-factly: 

“Sir – you will not get “Sea-Sick”...”

“How do you know that I will not get “sea-sick”...? You have never seen me sailing on this ship. And – you don’t know anything about me...” I said to him.

“Sir – we know everything about you. The wardroom steward tells us that you drink almost half a bottle of Whisky every evening. And Sir – at last week’s party at Sailors’ Home – you drank us under the table. Sir – we saw that you drank almost a full bottle of Rum – and then – you walked back all the way to the ship as if nothing had happened. And then – in the morning – you were up at 6 o’clock for your morning run and PT. Sir – we know that you are a good drinker...” the MCPO said to me – with genuine admiration in his voice.

“But – what has my drinking got to do with “seasickness”...?” I asked.

“I don’t know the theory, Sir – but – in my long service – I have observed that heavy drinkers never get seasick...” he said.

As we sailed – and the sea got rougher – I observed that what the old “sea-dog” MCPO had said was absolutely true.

The weather was stormy – the sea was very rough – and – the ship was rolling, pitching and yawing quite violently.

Those with a propensity for seasickness – they started feeling seasick.

Ours was a non-airconditioned ship in which the Officers’ Cabin Flat reeked of the awfully nauseating smell of FFO (Furnace Fuel Oil) – which made the nausea even worse – and most of the officers were terribly sea-sick.

There was a terrible stench all over the ship – as officers and sailors were retching and vomiting due to seasickness.

Only a few officers remained unaffected.

I was one of the lucky ones who did not get sea-sick.

I realized that the Sea-Dog Master Chief Petty Officer was absolutely right.

The officers who did not get sea-sick were all heavy drinkers.

A few days later the Fleet Commander – a Rear Admiral – embarked on board our ship.

The Admiral was a towering figure – he was over six feet tall – and with his impressive beard – he had an imposing personality – like Lord Neptune.

As we sailed – the sea got quite rough – and – the ship started rolling and pitching quite a bit.

I was surprised to see this grand Admiral getting sea-sick.

Yes – believe it or not – the Admiral was a “seasick type”.

In fact – there was a bucket kept for the Admiral on the bridge – for him to vomit into – in case he felt too seasick and wanted to throw up.

You guessed right – the Admiral was a non-drinker – a strict teetotaller. 

(I am sure that many Naval Officers would have guessed the name of the “redoubtable” Admiral)

Moral of the Story

So – Dear Reader – now you know why the “quintessential sailor” is always associated with a “Bottle of Rum” – Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle Of Rum...!!!

And – now you know how to carry out the “qualitative seasickness test” (at your own risk).

Whether the MCPO’s theory that hard-drinkers are less vulnerable to seasickness has has some scientific basis or not – or – is it is a mere “placebo” – well – I do not know.

But – that is what I saw in the Navy – heavy drinkers were less prone to seasickness as compared to teetotallers. 

I dug deep into my photo albums – and – I pulled out this nostalgic picture taken in the 1970’s of the Master Chief Petty Officer (MCPO) who gave me this “Navy Gyan” on Seasickness. 

I loved drinking with my sailors – it was the best way to assess the morale of my sailors.

So – instead of the customary boring “Divisional Officer’s Period” (DOP) on Wednesday afternoons on board ship – whenever we were in harbour – I conducted the “Divisional Officer’s Period” in the Sailors’ Home at Cooperage – and – during the DOP – liquor flowed freely – and – my sailors could open up and talk to me without inhibition – and – tell me their problems – if any.

In the picture below taken almost 40 years ago – in the 1970’s – you can see me with my sailors enjoying a “Divisional Officer’s Period” at Sailors’ Home. 

As you can see from the bonhomie, casual dress and haircuts of the sailors – those were “laissez-faire” days in the Navy – especially in the Western Fleet – which was the premier sword arm of the Navy – and – the emphasis was on professionalism – not on “spit and polish” ceremonials.

Have a look at the photo below.

In the picture – I am sitting at the extreme left (with my lush beard – and – with my left hand raised – probably narrating a yarn or joke).

See the happy face of the sailor standing behind me – and – the rather curious smile on the face of the sailor sitting in the centre.

The Master Chief Petty Officer (MCPO) mentioned in the story is sitting to the extreme right – and – from the way he is laughing – he seems to be in a jolly mood – as we are drinking away and enjoying ourselves at the departmental booze-up session with my Sailors at Sailors’ Home at Cooperage in Mumbai.

“Divisional Officer’s Period” booze-up session with my Sailors at Sailors’ Home

Dear Reader: 

Look at the picture above once again – and – tell me: 

Isn’t the “high morale” of my sailors clearly visible...?

VIKRAM KARVE

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1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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