Humor in Uniform – The “Fauji” Doctor’s Wife

HUMOR IN UNIFORM

My Hilarious Encounters with “Fauji” Doctors

THE MILITARY DOCTOR AND HIS CIVILIAN DOCTOR WIFE

A Fictional Spoof

By

VIKRAM KARVE 

NB: The generic term “fauji” refers to all uniformed personnel of the Army, Navy and Air Force

THE “FAUJI” MEDICAL OFFICER 

This happened around 31 years ago – in the mid 1980’s – at IAT Girinagar Pune.

I had newly arrived in station – IAT was an inter-service training establishment – but it was run in typical Army style.

During my evening walk – I saw a crowd of young student officers and families sitting on the lawns of the house of our Unit Medical Officer (MO). 

Seeing the crowd – I thought that our Unit Medical Officer (Doctor) was having a party.

“So – Doc is having a party – is it...?” I shouted to them.

“No, Sir. We are waiting to see the doctor for medical treatment...” they said.

I was impressed.

I had thought that our Unit Medical Officer (MO) was a typical “fauji” doctor.

Most Army Medical Officers followed strict timings and you had to visit the MI Room/Clinic/Sickbay when you were sick (even seriously ill) as “fauji” doctors did not make house calls nor did they entertain patients at their home. 

That is why I was impressed to see that he was such a good doctor – that patients were going to his house in the evening for consultation and treatment.

And – our Unit Medical Officer seemed so sincere – that he had started an evening OPD at home for their convenience.

“That’s great. I did not know that our Unit MO sees patients at home...” I said.

A student officer said to me: 

“Sir – we have not come to see the Unit MO. He is a useless good-for-nothing doctor. We have come to see his wife. She is an excellent doctor who works in “XXX Hospital” – the best hospital in Pune. In the evening – she does her private practice here at her home – and everyone comes to consult her. Of course – she charges quite a lot – but then – she is a really good doctor.”

The student officer was right.

A young Naval Officer told me a story a few days later which proved that the “fauji” doctor’s wife was a good doctor – yes – she was a really good doctor. 

Let me tell you the story. 

MEDICAL CATEGORY SCARE

Once – the young officer got a strange cough.

During his morning run – in the expansive picturesque campus – he would suddenly get a spasm of cough – so severe – that it was almost like a convulsion.

He would sit down – terminate his run – walk home – and drink water – and take rest.

For the rest of the day – he would be okay.

These fits of cough happened only in the mornings during his runs – and – while jogging in the open.

The officer reported to the Unit Medical Officer (MO) [“fauji” doctor] in the MI Room.

On hearing the symptoms – without even physically examining the officer – the Army Unit MO immediately concluded that it was Asthma.

And – the Unit MO referred the officer to the Specialist at Command Hospital (CH) Pune.

The naval officer was due for his “sea time” immediately after the course.

His fellow naval officers scared the shit out of the officer – by putting all sorts of fears in his mind.

They said – that if he went to the Specialist for Asthma – he would be subjected to all sorts of tests and examinations – and – the Specialists at CH would surely downgrade his Medical Category.

Now – if his Medical Category was downgraded – that would be the end of his “sea time” – and – his Navy career would be badly affected.

The officer’s wife advised the officer – that before he went to the “Fauji” Specialist at the Military Hospital – it would be better if they took a “second opinion” from the “fauji” doctor’s wife (the lady doctor who practiced at home). 

THE “FAUJI” DOCTOR’S WIFE

In the evening – the worried “Asthma Afflicted Officer” went to see the “fauji” doctor’s wife.

The doctor’s wife – the civilian lady doctor – she heard him out – she examined him thoroughly – and – she said to the officer: 

“Don’t worry – it is not asthma – it is just a seasonal allergy due to pollen from the “congress grass” which is abundant on the campus. This allergy happens to some people in spring. Just stop your morning runs for a month or two. Don’t go out in the open in the mornings. You will be okay. Once it is summer – you can start your morning outdoor exercise and running again.”

“Any medicines – any treatment...?” the officer asked.

“Nothing,” said the “fauji” doctor’s wife (the civilian lady doctor) – and then – she advised the officer, “if you want – you can just add some gavati chaha (lemon grass) to boiling water when you make tea in the morning – it will act as a placebo – there are plenty of gavati chaha bushes growing wild in the campus.”

Within a few days – the officer’s cough disappeared.

And soon – the moment the season changed to summer – the officer was absolutely fit and fine – and – he started his morning runs again.

Of course – the officer scrupulously avoided going to the unit MO in the MI Room – during the remaining part of his course. 

And – at the end of the course – fit and fine – he went for his “sea time”.

AFTERTHOUGHT 

In the civilian world – I  have heard stories of doctors referring their patients to fellow doctors – for a “cut” or commission (known as “cut practice”...) 

So – in hindsight – I wonder: 

Was the “fauji” doctor much smarter than we thought...? 

Was he “faking it”...? 

By giving a “medical category scare” to all “fauji” patients – was the “fauji” doctor’s ulterior motive to boost his doctor wife’s private practice...?

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh. 

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

     

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.