Altruistic “Affair” with a “Damsel in Distress”

Suppose you a happily married woman. 

Suddenly – out of the blue – another married woman says to you: “It is thanks to your husband that I am pregnant...” 

What will you do...? 

Well – this is exactly what happened in this Bizarre “BELIEVE IT OR NOT” Story...

ALTRUISTIC “AFFAIR” WITH A “DAMSEL IN DISTRESS”

Bizarre “BELIEVE IT OR NOT” Story

A Fictional Spoof

By

VIKRAM KARVE

I have often paid a price for my altruism due to my “helpful nature” – especially my “altruism” towards “damsels in distress”.

Here is a hilarious story – from my delightful Navy days – to cheer you up on this bright Saturday morning.

This happened more than 20 years ago – in the early 1990’s...

“STEALING AFFECTIONS” FAUX PAS – A Bizarre Story By VIKRAM KARVE 

Part 1 – “Mrs. X” DROPS A “BOMBSHELL”  

Mrs. X desperately wanted to have a baby.

Mrs. X was married for 10 years.

Mrs. X and her husband Mr. X  – they tried very hard to have a baby – but unfortunately – she never got pregnant.

Then – suddenly – one day – at a party – Mrs. X announced that she was pregnant.

Everyone congratulated her.

My wife congratulated her too.

Mrs. X looked at my wife – and she said to my wife: “It is thanks to your husband that I am pregnant.”

My wife was shocked on hearing this.

She was struck dumb – speechless – stunned into silence.

Then Mrs. X looked lovingly at me – and – in a most affectionate voice – Mrs. X said to me: “Thank you so much for you “cooperation”. It is because of you that I could get pregnant. Had it not been for you – I would never have got pregnant.”

“What…?” my wife stammered – trying to recover her wits.

“Yes – had it not been for your husband – I may never have got pregnant...” Mrs. X said to my wife.

My wife gave me a fierce look.

Then – my wife said to me: “I am not feeling too well – let’s go home.”

We – my wife and I – we excused ourselves from the party – and we walked out of the officers’ mess towards our scooter.

“You cheat. How could you do this...? Who the hell do you think you are...? Are you some sort of “Stud Bull” going around impregnating wives of fellow officers...?” my wife asked me angrily. 

I could see that my wife was livid with anger.

“It’s not like that…” I tried to plead with my wife.

But – my wife interrupted me – and she said: “The way Mrs. X is yapping – if this gets around – they will throw you out of the Navy for “stealing the affection of a brother officer’s wife”. You tell me – if you get kicked out of the Navy – what will we do...? We will all starve – and – it will be such a disgrace – so shameful – just think of the terrible repercussions it will have on our children...? How could you do this disgraceful thing...? I never imagined that you would ever cheat on me…” 

I could see that my wife was going crazy with her imagination running wild.

“Will you please keep quiet...?” I begged my wife. 

“Keep quiet...? Mrs. X is openly going around saying that you got her pregnant – and – you want me to keep quiet...?” my wife said.

“It is nothing like that. Please hear me out. Will you please let me tell you the truth...? Why are you just blindly believing what Mrs. X said...? Don’t you want to hear the real story...?” I said to my wife.

“It better be a convincing story – otherwise I am going to my mother’s place tomorrow...” my wife delivered her ultimatum.

Here is the story I told my wife. 

But – before that – let me digress a bit and give you the background. 

Part 2 – A DIGRESSION

Firstly – let me tell you that this story happened more than 20 years ago at a prestigious inter-service training institution.

Now – in the Navy – an Officer is a “jack of all trades”.

An Officer is employed on all sorts of jobs during his career – on ships afloat – and ashore.

When appointed to a shore billet – the Officer is made to do multifarious tasks – since – ashore – the variety of jobs is even more diverse – than afloat.

It is the rare lucky officer who is perfectly dexterous at all the jobs – but in most cases – you are good at some jobs – and  you are not so good at some jobs.

I have the “gift of the gab” – and – I am “academic” by nature too – so I had a natural flair for teaching – which was my job at the training institution where I was teaching faculty.

For “X” (husband of Mrs. X) – it was exactly the opposite.

“X” had absolutely no aptitude for teaching.

Now – “X” was a very bright officer – he was professionally competent – and – he had performed other jobs very well – but sadly – teaching just wasn’t his cup of tea.

Teaching in-house courses is one matter – but teaching a postgraduate course in Engineering was no joke – especially where our student officers had to appear for external university examinations – competing with fresh young engineering graduates.

And – since “X” did not have a flair for teaching – he was having a very tough time – since the students were very demanding – as they wanted the entire syllabus to be covered meticulously and taught well – which was a must – if they wanted to do well in the university exams.

“X” hated teaching.

He had tried his best to avoid this instructional appointment.

But – in the Navy – there is a mistaken belief that “a good student makes a good teacher...”

And since “X” had topped this very same postgraduate course a few years ago – the powers-that-be had sent him down here to teach the same course.

Hey – I seem to have digressed – so let me come down to the actual story.

Part 3 – ALTRUISTIC “INFIDELITY” WITH A “DAMSEL IN DISTRESS”

Every evening – after my evening walk in the sprawling verdant campus – I would spend some time reading in the officers’ mess library.

On most evenings – Mrs. X would be there in the library too.

Mrs. X seemed to be fond of reading – just like me.

In the evenings – most other wives of her age would be busy playing with their young children in the park.

But since Mrs. X had no children – she preferred to spend her evenings in the library.

Our common interest in literature got us to be friendly – and sometimes – after our reading session – I would walk her home – which was on the way to my house.

One evening – while we were walking home – Mrs. X suddenly said to me: “I want to make a personal request to you – in the strictest confidence...”

“I will be glad to help if I can...” I said.

“Can you take my husband’s classes...?” she asked.

I was a bit baffled at her strange request.

“You want me to take your husband’s classes...?” I asked, puzzled.

“Yes. Can you take my husband’s classes...? Can you take his teaching...?Please...?” Mrs. X asked me again.

“Yes – I can take his classes – but I am already very overloaded...” I said.

“I know. You are teaching three subjects in this semester – and – my husband is teaching only one subject in this semester. But he told me that you have the capacity to take all four subjects...” she said.

I was quite perplexed at her strange request – so I did not say anything.

Mrs. X looked at me and she said: “I’ll be very frank with you. We are desperately trying to have a baby – there is some complex fertility treatment going on too – but my husband gets so stressed out at night that…”

Maybe she felt a bit embarrassed – so Mrs. X paused for a moment.

Then – Mrs. X continued speaking: “My husband spends the whole night studying books and anxiously preparing his lectures – he is so nervous about teaching – he feels so tired and stressed out – and – day by day – it is getting worse – he is never in the mood – and my clock is ticking…”

I nodded.

She smiled unspoken thanks.

Next morning – on my table – I saw a file. 

It was the “leave application” folder of “X”. 

“X” had applied for 60 days leave.

I observed that on the noting sheet “X” had written that I had agreed to do all his instructional duties during his absence – and – he wanted me to confirm the same. 

I committed in writing on the file that I would perform all his instructional duties – and – I endorsed the noting sheet accordingly.

A few hours later – the phone rang – it was the Dean speaking.

“You have committed to take the lecture load of “X”. Are you sure you can manage...? I see that in this semester – you are heavily overloaded. Now – “X” wants 60 days leave – so he will be absent almost till the end of the semester – so – if you take on the entire lecture load of “X” – you will have to take lectures for almost the whole day...” the Dean said.

“I will manage, Sir...” I said to the Dean, “please let “X” go on leave – he has “urgent domestic commitments of a passionate nature”...” 

“Passionate...? Did you say “passionate”...?” the Dean asked, with surprise in his voice.

“Sorry, Sir – slip of the tongue – I meant “compassionate” – “X” has an “urgent domestic commitment of a compassionate nature”...” I said.

“Okay. Since you say so – I am granting “X” his full 60 days annual leave – but you make sure that you take the lectures properly and cover the entire syllabus – the students must do well in the university examinations...” the Dean said. 

“Yes, Sir...” I said. 

So – Mr. and Mrs. “X” – went off on a 60 day “honeymoon”.

Around 3 months later – one month after Mr. and Mrs. “X” came back from their romantic sojourn – their “aspiration” achieved – we had this officers’ mess party – where Mrs. X committed the “faux pas” of saying to my wife “It is thanks to your husband that I am pregnant” – which put me in a most unenviable situation with my one and only darling wife...

EPILOGUE

Now – Dear Reader – this is the real reason why Mrs. X told my wife: “It is thanks to your husband that I am pregnant...”

Thanks to her “Faux Pas” – my wife did not believe me then – and – I doubt if she believes my story even now. 

But – after this episode – I keep clear of “damsels in distress”.

Yes – no more “altruism” towards “damsels in distress”...

Dear Reader:

Do you believe the story I told you...?

Or – do you think I am spinning a yarn – telling you a tall story.

You may or may not believe this story – but – one thing is sure – I am not a “Stud Bull” – I do not “steal affections” – I am a simple altruistic person – believe it or not. 

VIKRAM KARVE

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Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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First Posted by me Vikram Karve in this Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve blog under the title STUD BULL on 16 March 2014 at 3/16/2014 11:16:00 PM at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/03/stud-bull.html and later re-posted by me in my various blogs including at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/02/humor-in-uniform-stealing-affections.html