Humor in Uniform – Second Opinion

HUMOR IN UNIFORM

My Hilarious Encounters with “Fauji” Doctors – SECOND OPINION

THE MILITARY DOCTOR AND HIS CIVILIAN DOCTOR WIFE

A Spoof

By

VIKRAM KARVE

This happened around 31 years ago – in the mid 1980’s – at IAT Girinagar Pune.

I had newly arrived in station – IAT was an inter-service training establishment – but it was run in typical Army style.

During my evening walk – I saw a crowd of young student officers and families sitting on the lawns of the house of our unit Medical Officer (MO).

“So – Doc is having a party – is it...?” I shouted to them.

“No, Sir. We are waiting to see the doctor for medical treatment...” they said.

I was impressed.

I had thought that our Medical Officer (MO) was a typical “fauji” doctor.

But – I was impressed to see that he seemed to be such a good doctor – that patients were going to his house in the evening for consultation and treatment.

And – our unit Medical Officer seemed so sincere – that he had started an evening OPD at home for their convenience.

“That’s great. I did not know that our unit MO sees patients at home,” I said.

A student officer looked at me and said: “Sir – we have not come to see the unit MO. He is a useless good-for-nothing doctor. We have come to see his wife. She is an excellent doctor who works in “XXX Hospital” – the best hospital in Pune. In the evening – she does her private practice here at her home – and everyone comes to see her – of course – she charges quite a lot – but then – she is a really good doctor.”

Yes – she was a really good doctor.

Once – a young officer got a strange cough.

During his morning run – in the expansive picturesque campus – he would suddenly get a spasm of cough – so severe – that it was almost like a convulsion.

He would sit down – terminate his run – walk home – and drink water – and take rest.

For the rest of the day – he would be okay.

These fits of cough happened only in the mornings during his runs – and – while jogging in the open.

The officer reported to the unit Medical Officer (MO) in the MI Room.

On hearing the symptoms – the Army MO immediately concluded that it was Asthma – and – the unit MO referred the officer to the Specialist at Command Hospital (CH) Pune.

The officer was due for his “sea time” immediately after the course.

His fellow officers scared the shit out of the officer – by putting all sorts of fears in his mind.

They said – that if he went to the Specialist for Asthma – he would be subjected to all sorts of tests and examinations – and – the Specialists at CH would surely downgrade his Medical Category.

Now – if his Medical Category was downgraded – that would be the end of his “sea time” – and his Naval career would be badly affected.

The officer’s wife advised the officer – that before he went to the “Fauji” Specialist at the Military Hospital – it would be better if they took a “second opinion” from the doctor’s wife (the lady doctor who practiced at home).

In the evening – the worried asthma afflicted officer went to the doctor’s wife.

The doctor’s wife – the civilian lady doctor – she heard him out – and she said: “Don’t worry – it is not asthma – it is just a seasonal allergy due to pollen from the “congress grass” which is abundant on the campus. This allergy happens to some people in spring. Just stop your morning runs for a month or two. Don’t go out in the open in the mornings. You will be okay. Once it is summer – you can start your morning outdoor exercise and running again.”

“Any medicines – any treatment...?” the officer asked.

“Nothing,” said the doctor’s wife (the civilian lady doctor) – and then – she advised the officer, “if you want just add some gavati chaha (lemon grass) to boiling water when you make tea in the morning – it will act as a placebo – there are plenty of gavati chaha bushes growing wild in the campus.”

Within a few days – the officer’s cough disappeared.

And soon – the moment the season changed – the officer was absolutely fit and fine – and – he started his morning runs again.

Of course – the officer scrupulously avoided going to the unit MO in the MI Room – during the remaining part of his course. 

And – at the end of the course – fit and fine – he went for his “sea time”.

VIKRAM KARVE

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Disclaimer:

1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh. 

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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