Are You Thinking of Joining the Defence Services or Marrying a Military Officer...?

Many years ago – when I was a young Officer in the Navy – I was asked to conduct a detailed “Technical Study” and submit a report with my recommendations. 

I went about the task with full enthusiasm and sincerity and produced a 100 page report. 

“What the hell is this...?” shouted the Commodore in Headquarters to whom I submitted the report.

“The Technical Study Report, Sir...” I mumbled.

“Do you think anyone is going to read all that stuff...? People are busy out here...” the Commodore said, “You condense your report.”

“Sir, I have written a summary...” I said – and I showed him the summary at the beginning of the report.

“Three bloody pages...? I told you that people are busy around here. Do you think anyone has the time to read 3 pages...? Just condense the bloody thing into one paragraph and put it right on top. Just tell us what you want us to do – your recommendations – that’s all. Do you understand...?” the Commodore bellowed.

“Aye, Aye, Sir...” I said. 

“Give the heading “FOR BUSY EYES ONLY” – and type your recommendations in a bold large font – and – insert it right on top – as the first page – and use pink paper...” the Commodore said.

“Pink Paper...?” I said, dumbfounded.

“Yes – everyone will notice it easily – and – they will not waste their time. I told you that people are busy around here...” he said, “just go to my PA – my staff will help you out.”

One hour later – I resubmitted my report – with the pink insert “FOR BUSY EYES ONLY” listing just 7 recommendations.

The Commodore read the pink page.

He looked at me and said: “Well Done.”

Then – with a flash of his pen – he approved the report – and – threw it in his “OUT TRAY” – for necessary action. 

The Commodore then invited me for a glass of beer – as a reward for a job well done.

Now – Dear Reader – I know you are very busy – so – as taught by the Commodore – I am going to give you the gist of my self-help article in 7 points (FOR BUSY EYES ONLY)  

IF YOU ARE THINKING OF JOINING THE DEFENCE SERVICES (OR MARRYING A DEFENCE OFFICER) – DO NOT WORRY ABOUT THESE 7 P’s: 

1. PAY 

2. PROMOTION 

3. POSTING 

4. POWER 

5. PELF 

6. PATRONAGE 

7. PENSION

That was for “Busy Eyes”.

But – if you have the inclination – and – the time – then – read on...

GUIDE FOR DEFENCE SERVICES OFFICERS (PROSPECTIVE MILITARY WIVES) AND MILITARY VETERANS

The 7 P’s of Military Life and Retirement
Musings of a Navy Veteran
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE 

If a military aspirant asks me: “How much Pay do you get in the Armed Forces?” – I advise him not to join the Defence Services – since the Military is not a place for money-minded individuals who would be better off in other money-making professions. 

The same applies to prospective Military Wives too – if you are money-minded type – it is best to avoid marrying a military man. 

Apart from money – there are other aspects too – which I have mentioned in this article.

Sometime ago – last year, I think – I met an anxious Army Officer worried about his career prospects.

The Officer was a Sapper from the Corps of Engineers.

He was worried about his promotion prospects in view of a recently introduced Command Exit Model Promotion Policy (as he described it).

In fact – during their careers – the factor that causes tremendous anxiety to most Defence Officers is “Promotion” to the Next Rank – since – in the Armed Forces - Rank means everything. 

Military Veterans are worried about One-Rank-One-Pension (OROP) – and – even after the notification – there is dissatisfaction – and the OROP agitation continues.

A few months ago – the 7th Central Pay Commission (7 CPC) Recommendations were announced – and in the 7 CPC recommendations too – many “Faujis” feel that the Defence Services have been given a raw deal as compared to the Civil Services.

There are frequent reports of litigation by Armed Forces Personnel and Veterans in Tribunals and Courts – mostly regarding promotion and money issues.

In general – a perception is developing that “Faujis” and Veterans are getting a raw deal – and – this is creating negative vibes about the Defence Services.

This prompts me to delve into my “Self Help” Archives – and pull out this article I wrote many years ago – but – which I feel is still most relevant for military officers and veterans – especially in the present circumstances. 

Do read these tips if you are an aspirant “Fauji” – or – you are prospective “Faujan” thinking of marrying a “Fauji”.

Of course – I feel that these self-help tips may be useful for those still serving – and for retired veterans too.


HOW TO ENJOY YOUR MILITARY CAREER and RETIREMENT AS A MILITARY VETERAN

The 7 P’s of Military Life – Self Help for “Faujis” “Faujans” and Veterans by Vikram Karve

On page 58 of his war memoir “Himalayan Blunder”  (The Curtain Raiser to the Sino-Indian War of 1962) Brigadier John Parashuram Dalvi narrates an amusing story.

This anecdote pertains to the ill-fated “forward policy” which happened in NEFA (Arunachal Pradesh) sometime in 1960.

Indian Army Troops were being hastily rushed up into the Himalayan Mountains towards the China Border without any administrative or logistic arrangements.

A Commanding Officer of an Infantry Battalion, a Lieutenant Colonel famous for his pungent wit and sense of humour, got so fed up with the absence of any sort of supply system that he decided to use some heavy sarcasm and act in a facetious manner. 

He is reported to have sent one of his monthly routine reports on a chapati (a flat unleavened Indian Bread).

This caused some consternation in the Rear Head Quarters and the officer was asked to forward his “explanation”.

In reply, the Commanding Officer sent the now classic retort:

“I regret the unorthodox nature of my stationery, but atta (wheat flour) is the only commodity available for fighting, for feeding and for futile correspondence”.

I remember someone once telling us that the commanding officer who sent this hilarious reply was none other than General Eric Vas [Lt Gen EA Vas (15 May 1923-18 Aug 2009)].

If my memory serves me right – I think it was the very same General Eric Vas who – in one of his pep talk speeches to young officers of all the 3 Services at IAT Pune many years ago – advised us:

If you want to enjoy life in the military you should not bother about 3 things:

1. PAY 

2. PROMOTION

3. POSTING

(He called them the 3 P’s) 

I think this dictum of not bothering about the 3 P’s applies across the board – to all careers – including those in the private sector. 

This truism certainly applies to the defence services – and maybe the civil services as well. 

Part 1

TO ENJOY MILITARY LIFE DO NOT BOTHER ABOUT THE 3 P’s – PAY, PROMOTION, POSTING

PAY

Many of us focus too much on money and perks (pay or salary or “package” or CTC – call it what you like). 

Nowadays, most elite educational institutions boast of the high salary packages their students are offered in campus placement interviews and it seems that pay is the primary consideration for selecting a job.

In my time too – I found so many of my colleagues comparing their PAY with others and getting disheartened and disillusioned. 

Even now – after announcement of 7 CPC Recommendations – Defence Services are comparing their Pay with the Civil Services and feeling unhappy.

Comparing your pay with others is a sure shot formula to feel miserable – because it is a natural tendency to compare with someone who is better-off than you.

If you want to feel unhappy and frustrated – all you have to do is to live a comparative and competitive life.

So – if you want to be happy in the Defence Services – do not worry about your Pay.

PROMOTION

Are you an ambitious careerist who is indulges in an all-out no-holds-barred competition for PROMOTION...?

Ambition is like Ringworm. 

The more you scratch – the more you enjoy the sensation – but the ringworm increases too. 

Every officer wants to get promoted. 

But – if you are cutthroat ambitious type – and getting promoted is the “be-all and end-all” of your life – you may go higher up in the ladder – but your life will be stressful – and you may not be able to enjoy the everyday joys which Military Life has to offer.

And one day – due to steep hierarchical pyramid in the defence services – you are likely to be passed over for promotion and superseded. 

If you are overambitious type – supersession may make you bitter and frustrated – and you may even waste your time fighting the system – which will make you even more bitter. 

I have seen so many officers – some quite senior – who retire with anger, resentment and bitterness – because they were not promoted to high rank.

In the defence services – it is a fact of life that career progress is slow – and your chances of promotion to higher ranks is quite slim. 

In a liberalized democracy – defence services can never match the industry – or even the civil services – in compensation packages and career prospects. 

And this gap is only going to increase with more and more liberalization and globalization and with increasing civilian supremacy.

You must accept the fact – that in the Defence Services – you will have Modest Career Prospects and Moderate Pay. 

That is the truth. 

And – you must accept this truth.

If you want faster promotions, better career prospects and more pay – it is better for you to go and join some other profession. 

But – if you are in the Army, Navy or Air Force – it is best not to be excessively obsessed about promotion.

If you get promoted – well and good.

If you do not get promoted – also well and good. 

Be happy and enjoy the unique inimitable unmatched lifestyle the defence services have to offer.

POSTING

In the Army and Air Force they call it POSTING – in the Navy they call it TRANSFER – but  frequent relocation is an inescapable part of a career in the defence forces.

Everyone gets posted or transferred.

A sure-shot way of becoming miserable – is to compare your POSTING with your more fortunate colleagues in uniform. 

By “Posting” – I mean not only the geographical location – but also the type of appointment and designation of your post.

3 P’s

In the Armed Forces – if you are worried about the 3 P’s – it is a guaranteed formula to make you frustrated and stressed out at work.

And – if you want to enjoy your work and career – you know what to do:

Just do not bother about the 3 P’s

Yes – be a happy-go-lucky “fauji” – and just don’t bother about your PAY, PROMOTION and POSTING – and you will remain cheerful and happy.

It is a fact that – if you live a non-comparative and non-competitive life – you are sure to be happy and content. 

Part 2

RETIREMENT – SELF HELP GUIDE FOR MILITARY VETERANS

The 3 P’s of Retirement

Okay – so you did not bother about the 3 P’s (PAY, PROMOTION, POSTING) – and you enjoyed your service life.

But one day – you will retire – and then you will have 3 more P’s which you should not worry about.

Yes – if you want to enjoy your retired life don’t bother about these 3 P’s:

1. POWER

2. PELF

3. PATRONAGE

POWER

When you retire – you lose your “position power”.

The higher your rank – the greater the loss of power. 

Many take it in their stride and enjoy their retirement – but some individuals who get addicted to power refuse to let go – and cannot cope with the loss of power – and keep hankering after power and status even after retirement – and – in the process – they make their lives miserable.

Maybe – this need for “power” is the main reason why some people never retire – and they want to keep working and holding on to power till their death.

And – it is “patronage” that gets you those plum post-retirement assignments.

PATRONAGE 

Yes – Patronage can help you get sops after retirement.

That is why you see so many senior officers behaving in a most obsequious manner in the last years of their service – toadying and fawning before politicians and bureaucrats – to cultivate powerful people and gain their patronage – in order to get one of those sought-after post-retirement jobs. 

Many say that even Service Chiefs fall victim to the “patronage syndrome” in order to get good post-retirement appointments – and they seem to be looking after their own interests rather than service interests – and – some even indulge in unethical acts to please their political patrons. 

This not only damages their reputations but also adversely affects their subordinates and tarnishes the name of the defence services.

PELF

Another reason why individuals cannot enjoy their retirement and want to keep on working interminably after retirement is “PELF”.

These greedy money-minded individuals are never content with their savings and pension – and they want to keep on acquiring wealth till their death (though they know that they cannot take their wealth with them to heaven or hell after their death). 

“In extremis” – such pelf-oriented persons may even be ready to take up dubious wheeler-dealer jobs with euphemistic titles like “consultants” or “advisors” – which sometimes may prove “ethically counter-productive” – and ruin their reputations forever – and also tarnish the image of the service.

Retirement is Bliss – if you can forget about the 3 P’s (Power, Pelf and Patronage).

In conclusion – I would like to say that your life – especially in the defence services – boils down to 6 P’s.

Yes – in the Defence Services – if you want to enjoy life during service and after retirement – remember – do not be bothered about the 6 P’s.

DO NOT WORRY ABOUT the 6 P’s:

3 P’s while in Service (PAY, PROMOTION, POSTING)

3 P’s after Retirement (POWER, PELF, PATRONAGE)

EPILOGUE

THE 7th “P” – PENSION (OROP)

I wrote this article many years ago – much before I had heard the term OROP (One Rank One Pension).

At present – the biggest issue disturbing the peace of mind of retired military veterans is OROP – which is related to Pension.

OROP is worrying serving personnel too – especially the “No OROP for PMR” Rule.

That is why I am tempted to add a 7^th “P” which you should not worry about – “PENSION”

So – to put it in a nutshell – if you are want to enjoy life in the Defence Services – or are thinking of a career in the Armed Forces – do remember the 7 P’s you should not bother about too much.

Do Not Worry about the 7 P’s: 

PAY, PROMOTION, POSTING, POWER, PELF, PATRONAGE and PENSION 

So – before you embark on a life in uniform in the Armed Forces – or marry a Military Officer – remember the 7 P’s that you should not be bothered about: 

1. PAY 

2. PROMOTION 

3. POSTING 

4. POWER 

5. PELF 

6. PATRONAGE 

7. PENSION 

Dear Fellow Officer (Serving and Retired): 

Try it – stop worrying about these 7 P’s – and see for yourself how you can enjoy life. 

It works – you can take my word for it.

Do you agree? 

Oh – you don’t? 

Please comment and tell us your views. 

As always – I look forward to your feedback.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
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Disclaimer:

1. This is a spoof, satire, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh. 

2. These tips are based on my own experience and represent my personal views which may not be universal in nature and may not apply to you. You must make your own career decisions with due diligence. Also, do read this post with a sense of humor.

3. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

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This is a revised version of my article written by me Vikram Karve in 2010 and posted online on my blogs earlier at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/01/how-to-enjoy-your-career-3-ps.html   and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/10/the-6-ps-how-to-enjoy-life.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/11/how-to-enjoy-military-life.html  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/06/navy-for-life-and-beyond-how-to-enjoy.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/05/humor-in-uniform-guide-for-military.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/11/defence-services-how-to-enjoy-your.html etc