Humor in and out of Uniform : HOW I GOT MARRIED

HOW I GOT MARRIED

A Spoof

By

VIKRAM KARVE

Dramatis Personae

(In order of seniority)

Brigadier ‘J’

Colonel ‘G’

Lieutenant ‘K’ (Me)

PART 1

A Cold Sunday Morning in March 1982 – Time: 0500 (5 AM)

SP Marg Officers Mess New Delhi

The shrill ring of the phone shook up Colonel ‘G’ from his drunken stupor.

As he same to his senses – Colonel ‘G’ had hazy recollections of the previous night – and the last thing he remembered was that he was sitting with Lieutenant ‘K’ (me) at the Dhaula Kuan roadside Dhaba eating hot “Bun-Omlette” – along with generous swigs of Rum – from the hip-flask Lieutenant ‘K’ always carried with him.

Colonel ‘G’ had no clue how he had reached his cabin in the SP Marg Officers Mess – maybe Lieutenant ‘K’ had helped him.

The phone kept ringing.

Colonel ‘G’ cursed at being woken up at this unearthly hour at the crack of dawn on a cold Sunday morning – and he picked up the phone.

The moment Colonel ‘G’ heard the voice on the other side – he perked up.

It was Brigadier ‘J’ – his ex-boss.

Colonel ‘G’ had high regards for Brigadier ‘J’ – in fact – Colonel ‘G’ considered Brigadier ‘J’ the best boss ever.

“Good Morning, Sir – it is such a pleasure to hear your voice…” Colonel ‘G’ said to Brigadier ‘J’.

Brigadier ‘J’ was a man of few words – and he got to the point immediately.

“Do you know a Naval Officer called Lieutenant ‘K’…? He stays in your mess…” Brigadier ‘J’ asked Colonel ‘G’.

“Of course, Sir – in fact – I was with Lieutenant ‘K’ last evening – he is a wonderful chap…” Colonel ‘G’ said.

“Oh – you know him well – and you say that Lieutenant ‘K’ is a ‘wonderful chap’ – that’s good – I would like to meet Lieutenant ‘K’ – you do one thing – bring him to Delhi Airport in the morning…” Brigadier ‘J’ said to Colonel ‘G’.

“Airport…?” stammered Colonel ‘G’ – a bit confused.

“I will come by the Srinagar Delhi flight – it reaches Delhi at 11:30 – you make sure that you are there with Lieutenant ‘K’…” Brigadier ‘J’ said to Colonel ‘G’.

“Sir – why do you want to meet Lieutenant ‘K’…?” Colonel ‘G’ asked Brigadier ‘J’.

“To fix up his marriage with my daughter…” Brigadier ‘J’ said – and he disconnected the phone.

Colonel ‘G’ was stunned.

For a few moments – he sat on his bed in a daze.

Then – Colonel ‘G’ gathered his wits – and – he walked down the corridor to my cabin.

I was irritated at being disturbed so early on a Sunday morning – especially after having enjoyed a late night – and – the moment I saw Colonel ‘G’ standing in the door – I asked him: “Sir – why are you waking me up so early…?”

“Bloody disaster…” Colonel ‘G’ exclaimed to me.

“Disaster…? What happened, Sir…?” I asked Colonel ‘G’.

“I told Brigadier ‘J’ that you were a ‘wonderful chap’…” Colonel ‘G’ said to me.

“Sir – I cannot fathom what you are saying…” I said to Colonel ‘G’.

“My ex-CO Brigadier ‘J’ just rang up – and – I told him that you were a ‘wonderful chap’…” Colonel ‘G’ said.

“So – am I not a ‘wonderful chap’…?” I asked him.

Colonel ‘G’ looked at me and said: “For me – you are a certainly a ‘wonderful chap’ – you are a bloody ‘sharaabi’ and ‘kabaabi’ like me – but – for Brigadier J’s daughter – she is such a decent girl – her life will be ruined if she marries a terrible fellow like you…”

“Sir, What are you saying…? Marriage…? Are you still drunk…? You ‘passed out’ last night – and I had a tough time carrying you to your cabin…” I said to Colonel ‘G’.

“I am perfectly sober now. But when the phone rang – I was in a ‘half-awake’ state – and – I am regretting my blunder of blurting out to Brigadier ‘J’ that you are a ‘good guy’ – I thought he was asking generally – I did not know that he was considering you as a ‘marriage prospect’ for his virtuous daughter. You never told me about it…” Colonel ‘G’ said to me.

“Sir – I just came back from Pune by Jhelum Express last evening – and then – we straightaway went to DSOI and got drunk – but I did mention that I saw a girl – but she did not like me…” I said.

“Are you sure she did not like you…?” Colonel ‘G’ asked me.

“Well – it seemed that the girl was not interested in getting married – so she was quite impassive – but – her mother – she certainly did not like me as a prospective ‘son-in-law’…” I said.

“Ah – so Mrs ‘J’ did not like you – that’s good…” Colonel ‘G’ said, “But then – why does Brigadier ‘J’ want to meet you…?”

“Brigadier ‘J’ wants to meet me…? He is the girl’s father, is he…? He wasn’t there when I saw the girl – only the girl and her mother had come. They told me he was posted to Srinagar…” I said.

“Brigadier ‘J’ is flying down from Srinagar by the morning flight – he wants to meet you – and he has asked me to bring you along to the airport to meet him – so get ready – we will leave at 10 after breakfast…” Colonel ‘G’ said to me.

“But why at the airport…?” I asked.

“Please don’t ask too many questions – Brigadier ‘J’ just told me to get you to the airport at 11:30 and he disconnected the phone…” Colonel ‘G’ said.

“Okay – let’s meet Brigadier ‘J’ – my prospective ‘father-in-law’…” I laughed.

Colonel ‘G’ had a worried expression on his face and he said to me: “I only hope that this doesn’t work out – the poor girl’s life will be ruined if she gets married to you…”

“Ha Ha…” I smiled at Colonel ‘G’ – and I said to him, “Sir – I thought you were my ‘well-wisher’…”

To be continued…

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

     

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.