LEISURE MANAGEMENT - CONTRARIAN WISDOM - NEVER PARTY ON WEEKENDS

HUMOUR IN UNIFORM

Let me share some “GYAN” I applied in the Navy on the ART OF PARTYING

LEISURE MANAGEMENT

CONTRARIAN WISDOM – NEVER PARTY ON WEEKENDS

By

VIKRAM KARVE

(This happened long back when we worked for 6 days in a week in all government offices)

PARTY TIME

“You think you are too damn smart – but I have found out something about you,” the PMC said.

“What is it, Sir?” I asked – curious – wondering which ‘secret’ of mine the PMC had discovered.

“You avoid having parties on Saturdays,” he said.

“Is it so?” I said, smiling like a Cheshire Cat.

“Ever since you have taken over as Mess Secretary you always schedule parties on working days – on weekday evenings. Every time we want to have a party on Saturday evenings, you get the party re-scheduled on a weekday on some pretext or the other. Now you have crossed all limits – you even want a Saturday afternoon Pre-Lunch Drinks (PLD) preponed to Wednesday afternoon,” he said.

“There is no such word as ‘preponed’, Sir...” I said.

“Shut up. Don’t try to change the topic...” he said.

“Sir – but Wednesday is also a make-and-mend (half-day) routine – and the officer whose farewell party it is – he wanted it on Wednesday – he said it was more convenient…”

“Don’t bullshit me – the officer said that it was you who told him that Wednesday would be convenient…” the PMC said.

Now that the cat was out of the bag – I decided to make a clean breast of it.

“Sir, you are right – I don’t like to have parties on Saturdays,” I said.

“Any particular reason – something religious – do you fast on Saturdays?” he asked.

“No, no, Sir – it is something totally different – nothing religious or spiritual about it, Sir – maybe philosophical – but you won’t believe me if I tell you,” I said.

“I want to know – you have to tell me,” the PMC insisted.

“I work to enjoy my leisure,” I said.

“You work to enjoy your leisure?” he repeated my words, looking puzzled.

“We all do, don’t we? Don’t we all work so that we can enjoy our leisure? We slog 6 days a week – so that we can enjoy that one Sunday we get off. And in the Navy – we have to do duties on some Sundays too, so even some of the few Sunday routines we get are ruined anyway,” I said.

“But what the hell has all this got to do with not having parties on weekends?” he asked.

“I don’t like to have a hangover on a Sunday morning – I prefer to have my hangover on a working day and in working hours,” I said.

“What?” he asked, looking puzzled.

“I drink because I am in the Navy – it is the Navy that taught me how to drink, it is the Navy that motivates me to drink by giving me the choicest top quality duty free and subsidized liquor – and don’t we have an official party culture that encourages drinking?” I said.

“How can you say that?” he asked.

“Sir – I never touched a drop of booze in college. And most probably – I would never have started drinking alcohol had I not joined the Navy. So – since I drink alcohol because I am in the Navy – the effects of drinking alcohol like a hangover must be suffered in working hours. Also – Sir – most navy parties are official parties – so the aftereffects of these ‘official’ parties must be ‘officially’ endured in official working hours…” I explained.

“You are talking all nonsense…” the PMC said.

“Sir – please try to see it logically – the Navy is responsible for my drinking – so the Navy must bear my hangover. Why should I ruin my valuable leisure hours suffering a hangover on the one beautiful Sunday morning I get for myself – in fact – I like to get up early on Sundays so I can enjoy my well deserved holiday to the fullest…” I said.

From the incredulous look on his face – it appeared that the PMC was not convinced by my logical reasoning.

And to prove that he was the boss – when the next occasion for an official farewell party arose – the PMC decided that the party was to be held on a Saturday evening.

This was vetoed by the PMC’s wife – who unequivocally told her husband, “Why are you having an official party on Saturday evening? Why don’t you have the farewell party on a weekday evening like you normally do? I am not going to ruin my weekend attending your boring party which goes on and on. On Saturday evening – you take me out for shopping and a movie.”

What the PMC did not know was that a few days ago I had a discussion on the same subject with his wife – and she seemed to heartily agree with my views.

EPILOGUE

I tried my best to follow my NO PARTYING ON WEEKENDS dictum throughout my Navy career – so that I could fully enjoy my well-earned Sundays as I pleased.

(Later, after the 5-day week was introduced – my “NO PARTY WINDOW” was from Friday afternoon to Sunday evening).

Sometimes – this did annoy some seniors – who found me missing from weekend evening cocktails or afternoon Pre-Lunch Drinks (PLD).

In one organisation – despite my best efforts to convince them to have parties on weekdays – they insisted on having all parties on weekends.

I avoided most of these weekend parties.

Once when one of my bosses asked me why I was missing – I gave him one of my classic retorts: “Sir, I do not attend parties because I am an alcoholic.”

What happened after that?

Well, that is another story which I will tell you some other time.

Meanwhile – remember the “Moral of the Story”:

The worst way to spend a beautiful Sunday morning is sleeping in bed having a splitting headache suffering from a hangover due the excesses of late night weekend partying.

Why ruin your valuable leisure hours?

If you must party – why not do it on weekday evenings – and “enjoy” the hangover in working hours?

You agree with me – don’t you?

The essence of partying:

Party on Weekdays – and Enjoy your Weekend.

VIKRAM KARVE

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1. This story is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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