Humor in Uniform - THE BOOTLICKER CALLED “VERY RIGHT SIR”

HUMOUR IN UNIFORM

Delightful Memories of My Glorious Navy Days

I was under the impression that with changing times, as society became more modern and progressive, the culture of sycophancy would decrease, especially in the defence services.

I thought that the armed forces would shed their antiquated colonial feudal culture and would adopt a modern outlook and progressive culture to be in sync with changing times.

I was wrong.

Strange, but true – instead of decreasing, sycophancy has actually increased in the armed forces, especially among officers.

You just have to look at the body language of these sycophant officers when in the presence of seniors or high civilian dignitaries, and you will understand what I mean.

When I see these sycophants (called bootlickers and other worse epithets in the military) – I remember the story of the Bootlicker called “Very Right Sir”.

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THE BOOTLICKER CALLED “VERY RIGHT SIR”

A Spoof

By

VIKRAM KARVE

The Story of “VERY RIGHT SIR” – a Spoof by Vikram Karve

I once had a colleague in the navy who was nick-named “very right sir”.

It was the welcome party of our new boss.

I was in high spirits after imbibing a few glasses of my customary “Rum Paani”  (a large peg of Dark Hercules Rum with water).

TEETOTALLER BOSS

Now this new boss was a strict teetotaller.

I did not know that he was a non-drinker, since I was not “tactful” enough to do my “homework” on my new incoming boss.

The boss, holding a glass of orange juice in his hand, said to me: “You seem to be a heavy drinker. Don’t you know that alcohol is bad for your health?”

“Very Right, Sir. Very Right, Sir,” said my “tactful” colleague. 

He too was holding a similar looking glass of orange juice drink in his hand.

Then the  boss looked disapprovingly at my glass of rum and admonished me: “Rum? You are drinking Rum? Don’t you know that Rum is a crude drink? Rum is meant for sailors, not for officers. It is most unofficerlike to drink rum. If you can’t stop drinking, at least you better drink something more decent.”

“Very Right, Sir. Very Right, Sir,” parroted my colleague. 

One year later this teetotaller boss was transferred out and now we were having the welcome party for the new boss.

BOOZER BOSS

Now this new boss was one of those “down the hatch” hard-drinking types.

It was the height of summer, a very hot and sultry evening.

I was feeling dehydrated after a hard day’s work, so I decided to start off with a glass of orange juice.

The new boss walked over to us.

As usual, my “tactful” colleague “very right sir” was fawning around the new boss, not leaving his side even for a moment.

The new boss was carrying a glass of Rum in his hand. 

He looked at me, then he looked suspiciously at the glass of orange juice in my hand and said: “What are you drinking?”

“Orange Juice, Sir,” I said.

“Juice? Orange Juice? That’s a bloody ladies’ drink,” he bellowed.

“Very Right, Sir. Very Right, Sir,” echoed my “tactful” colleague.

I was shocked to see that my “tactful” colleague who earlier professed to being a strict teetotaller (when the erstwhile teetotaller boss was around) now had a glass of Rum in his hand, just like the new boss.

Yes my “tactful” colleague “very right sir” had a glass of Rum Paani in his hand.

The boss took a gulp of Rum.

And so did my “tactful” colleague, almost mimicking him.

The boss looked around at what everyone was drinking, and made mocking comments about beer, whisky, gin, vodka and cocktails, before concluding: “You all must drink Rum. Rum is a man’s drink, a true sailor’s drink.”

“Very Right, Sir. Very Right, Sir,” said my “tactful” colleague.

The boss downed his glass of rum in one big gulp “down the hatch”.

And so did my “tactful” colleague “very right sir” who too downed his glass of rum in one go, down-the-hatch.

After observing for a few days, we discovered that our “tactful” colleague even used to “mirror” the movements and actions of the boss. 

By his “matching and mirroring” technique, my “tactful” colleague “very right sir” used to almost imitate the boss, albeit in a subtle way, and the boss seemed to like it. 

Later, we realized that he was adept at “matching and mirroring” and imitative behavior and all his bosses seemed to like it. 

After all, imitation is the best form of flattery.

This “chameleon” was the darling of this boss, just like he had always been the favourite blue-eyed boy of all his bosses, past and future.

Needless to say, “VERY RIGHT SIR” rose to great heights in his career. 

And it was quite amusing to observe this bootlicker called “VERY RIGHT SIR” trying to masquerade as a leader over those with genuine leadership qualities who were passed over for promotion and had to suffer the pain of supersession in the naval careers.

VIKRAM KARVE

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Disclaimer:

1. This story is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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This Story was Earlier Posted by me Vikram Karve in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog at 1/25/2013 01:29:00 PM at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/01/very-right-sir-naval-yarn.html