Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: November 2012

Friday, November 30, 2012

OFFICER LIKE QUALITIES - THE STORY OF THE OLQ OBSESSED PONGO

DELIGHTFUL MEMORIES OF MY HALCYON NAVY DAYS – Part 7

OLQ - OFFICER LIKE QUALITIES - The Story of the OLQ Obsessed PONGO

THE ANECDOTE OF THE SPIT AND POLISH COLONEL BLIMP IN NAVY WHITES

A Naval Yarn

VIKRAM KARVE

Way back in the 1970s, when we were trainees, we had a Colonel Blimp type Training Officer.

Though he was only a few years senior to us, he was a pompous snob with rather outmoded ultraconservative views - this officer was truly a relic of the Raj.

A Military School and ex-NDA type, we thought that he was better suited for the Army than the Navy – yes, he was more of a spit and polish prim and proper Pongo than a carefree happy-go-lucky Sailor. He would have been better off wearing Army Olive Green (OG) rather than donning Navy Whites.

His favourite pastime was to give us moral lectures on OLQ (Officer Like Qualities) and pontificate about service etiquette and how we must conduct ourselves as officers.

One thing was sure – he practiced what he preached.

His turn out was always perfect, his officer-like conduct was unblemished and he always put service before self.

But for us young happy-go-lucky youngsters who wanted to enjoy life, this “Colonel Blimp” was a pain in the arse.

One evening while on liberty (shore leave) we were enjoying eating delicious Pani Puri (Gol Gappa) at a roadside stall.

“Colonel Blimp” who was driving by on his scooter saw us. He looked totally shocked and appalled.

But he did not say anything there but just drove by.

Next morning he lined us up and gave us what in Naval parlance is called a “bottle” – a very severe reprimand and scolding which I remember even today. “How can officers behave like this?” he said looking aghast, “eating Pani Puri at a roadside stall? It is just not done! Officers must dine in good restaurants. Officers are expected to conduct themselves with proper dignity, not hang out like hooligans in the open and eat junk food at roadside stalls.”

Then he admonished us, “you bloody riff-raff are not fit to go ashore,” and as a punishment, he stopped our liberty. So we had no choice to spend the rest of our training period drowning our sorrows in the bar.

A few years later on a winter evening in Delhi, my wife and I walked down from our flat on Curzon Road to Bengali Market for our customary evening snacking when I suddenly spotted “Colonel Blimp” at the Chaat Stall.

Standing next to him was a ravishing beauty who was eating Pani Puri.

“Colonel Blimp” was looking at the gorgeous lady in a rather cold and disapproving way, but this did not seem to bother the beauty who was enjoying herself downing pani puri after pani puri.

I could not miss this opportunity, so I walked up to “Colonel Blimp” and introduced my wife and “Colonel Blimp” in turn introduced the gorgeous woman as his fiancée.

“Care for some Pani Puri?” the lovely lady asked us, and we said “Sure, we’d love it,” and we all relished plate after plate of lip-smacking pani puri and chaat while “Colonel Blimp” looked on with discomfiture, staunchly refusing our repeated invitations to join us in eating Pani Puri.

While leaving, “Colonel Blimp” gave me a tough look, and I knew he was itching to deliver a moral lecture on OLQ, but then, in his rule-book, “it was just not done” to bullshit juniors in front of ladies.

When I told my wife the story of “Colonel Blimp” my wife was was sure that “Colonel Blimp” would dump his “unofficerlike” fiancée, but to our surprise we soon got an invitation for their wedding.

Of course, his wedding reception was held in the service institute and everything was very decorous.

His newly wedded wife was conducting herself in a very prim and proper manner and we were convinced that “Colonel Blimp” had taken charge of his wife and converted her into an “OLQ” type .

A few days later, one evening, while we were walking down from Kota House towards India Gate on Shahjahan Road, we suddenly saw “Colonel Blimp” eating Pani Puri at the famous UPSC Chaat Wala Stall.

I could not believe my eyes.

Yes, “Colonel Blimp” was actually relishing Pani Puri on a roadside stall.

The moment he saw us, he waved to us and invited us over for some Chaat and Pani Puri– this was an invitation we could not refuse.

It was great to see him standing on the roadside, thoroughly enjoying himself, digging into chaat and popping pani puris into his mouth in a carefree manner, totally oblivious of the surroundings.

The vivacious girl had succeeded in transforming the spit and polish, prim and proper, OLQ obsessed “Colonel Blimp” Pongo into a carefree happy-go-lucky Sailor.

VIKRAM KARVE

Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

Did you like reading this article?
I am sure you will like all the 27 stories in my book COCKTAIL an anthology of Short Fiction.
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html
COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

Foodie Book: Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramwamankarve@gmail.com

FORBIDDEN LOVE STEALING AFFECTIONS and CONDUCT UNBECOMING

FORBIDDEN LOVE STEALING AFFECTIONS and CONDUCT UNBECOMING

Short Fiction Story

A Naval Yarn

VIKRAM KARVE

Disclaimer: Please read this apocryphal short story only if you have a sense of humour. This is a spoof, pure fiction, a fantasy, a figment of imagination. So first convince yourself that you have a sense of humour and only then read the yarn, take it with a pinch of salt, and have a laugh. And yes, this story is for adults only, so if you are a kid please skip this post and go onto something academic in nature …

FORBIDDEN LOVE STEALING AFFECTIONS and CONDUCT UNBECOMING

Short Fiction - A Naval Yarn

VIKRAM KARVE

It was an abrupt end to a promising career.

In the morning he was forced to put in his papers.

In the afternoon there was a brief farewell party - a drab Pre-Lunch Drinks (PLD) in the Wardroom.

The usual boisterous bonhomie was conspicuous by its absence and there was an air of awkwardness in the Wardroom.

The farewell PLD for Horny was a mere formality to be got over with.

The party was muted low-key affair without the customary boisterous elbow-bending.

Everyone reluctantly sipped their beer in hushed silence hoping that time would move fast.

But time did not move quickly and they all endured the agonizing moments as time crawled slowly while they all waited for the uncomfortable proceedings to end.

No one forced “down the hatch” drinks and “bottoms up” beers on the departing guest.

There were no “jolly-good-fellow” hoists and there were no long winded farewell speeches – just one-line perfunctory speeches for the sake of formality.

Typically, a PLD was a jolly affair full of joie de vivre and the cheer and beer flowed freely. The happy high-spirited copious beer-drinking continued for hours together, till evening, and on occasions the boisterous revelry turned into a full-fledged drunken orgy late into the night.

But this PLD finished off within an hour and everyone heaved a sigh of relief that the embarrassment was over.

They all shook hands with Horny, wished him good-luck in the civvy-street, and they all went home, or to their cabins, to hit the sack and to enjoy what was left of the make-and-mend on the Wednesday afternoon.

Only Snotty stayed back and helped Horny pack his bags.

Then he sent a sailor to get a taxi and when the taxi arrived alongside the ship at the jetty, Snotty picked up Horny’s bags and accompanied him to the gangway.

A sailor picked up Horny’s bags and put them into the boot of the taxi.

Horny stood at the gangway, expressionless.

He did not betray his emotions but kept gazing in a vacant manner at the taxi.

Then he turned around and smiled at Snotty and the gangway duty staff.

Then, Horny lifted himself to his full height, stood ramrod straight with chest out.

He saluted for the last time, swallowed the anchor, and marched ashore across the gangway into the civvy-street forever.

Snotty felt sad to see Horny go away.

Horny had been his mentor and Snotty admired him as a role model in the art of seamanship.

Though Horny was his boss, he had always treated Snotty like a younger brother, with benevolence and patience.

Horny was firm yet compassionate, revered by the men he commanded.

Horny ran a happy department and Snotty had learnt so much from him.

Snotty had really liked Horny and was sorry that such a promising career had been abruptly cut short in such a cruel and unjust manner.

Snotty went down to the wardroom and sat down for lunch at the Dining Table.

In order to enjoy good food one has to be in the right mood and that is why the delicious food which looked so good on the table turned tasteless in Snotty’s mouth.

“What’s wrong, Snotty?” asked the in-living PMC, who was nicknamed Sea Dog. He was sitting at the head of the table.

“Nothing, Sir. It’s about Horny.”

“What about Horny? I know he was your boss. Sad to see him go?”

“Yes, Sir. He was such a nice guy, Sir, and so good at his job.”

“I know. I was his training officer on the cadet ship. Horny was an outstanding cadet and a superb officer. He would have reached the very top but for this…”

“It’s totally unfair, Sir, and a very harsh punishment – an abrupt end to a promising career just because of one small indiscretion.”

“One small indiscretion? You call it one small indiscretion? You know what he did, don’t you?”

“Well, he was having an affair with Salty’s wife, that’s all.”

“That’s all? You know how serious the matter is?”

“Sir, if two people want to have consensual sex, what’s the problem?”

“What’s the problem? You are asking me what’s the problem? Well, my dear friend, let me explain. Horny was married and so was Salty. And Horny was having an illicit relationship with Salty’s wife. It’s called adultery. Do you understand?”

“Sir, it is a personal matter between them and their wives. What has it got to do with our job? Why has Horny been sacked?”

“That may be in the civvy street, but here we follow a code of conduct. Stealing the affection of a brother officer’s wife is strictly taboo. If you are feeling so damn frustrated, you can go and sow your wild oats outside, but you don’t steal the affections of a brother officer’s wife. ”

“Stealing affections of a brother officer’s wife?”

“Yes. Stealing the affections of a brother officer’s wife is just not allowed. It is considered an act of moral turpitude, conduct unbecoming of an officer, and conduct prejudicial to good order and naval discipline. That is why Horny was thrown out. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good.”

“Sir, I have a small doubt?”

“What doubt?”

“You can’t steal the affection of a brother officer’s wife because it is an act of moral turpitude?”

“That’s right. It is immoral to steal the affections of your brother officer’s wife.”

“You can’t steal the affection of a brother officer because it is illegal. That is what they told us at the academy.”

“Of course it is illegal. Buggery is unlawful. The days of the Rum Bum Lash Navy are long since over.”

“Sir, then please tell me one thing – you can’t steal the affections of a brother officer’s wife because it is immoral. You can’t steal the affection of a brother officer because it is unlawful. Then why is it permitted to steal the affection of your sister officer?”

“Stealing the affections of a sister officer? What are you talking about?”

“Sir, nowadays we have lady officers in the Navy.”

“So?”

“If male officers are like our brothers, then the women officers are like our sisters, aren’t they?”

“That’s right – lady officers are indeed your sister officers. And that is exactly how you must treat them.”

“If you steal the affections of your sister, does that not amount to incest?”

“Incest? What are you trying to say?”

“Sir, tell me, are you allowed to marry your sister?”

“Of course not.”

“Then why are male officers being permitted to marry female officers? Brother Officers are stealing the affections of Sister Officers and even marrying them. Isn’t it funny, Sir? Today she is your sister officer and tomorrow she becomes your wife?”

“What’s your point?”

“It is all very confusing to me, Sir.”

“Confusing? What?”

“You can steal the affection of your sister officer, you can even marry your sister officer – that is allowed – sister officers can steal the affections of their brother officers and even marry them – that is permitted - then why make such a big hullabaloo if you steal the affections of a brother officer’s wife?”

“Very interesting question. I think I’ll have to ask my wife to answer that.”

“Your wife? I thought you were a bachelor, Sir.”

“And why is that?”

“Because you are in-living, Sir.”

“Well, my wife is posted elsewhere. And you’ll be interested to know that she is, in your parlance, a ‘sister officer’ – yes, Dear Snotty, I am guilty of stealing the affection of a sister officer!”

VIKRAM KARVE

Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

Did you like this story?

I am sure you will like the 27 short stories from my recently published anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html

COCKTAIL ebook

If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

Foodie Book: Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse - his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com

RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT - Using The JOHARI WINDOW TO BUILD TRUST AND REDUCE TRUST DEFICIT IN A RELATIONSHIP

TRUST - The Bedrock of a Good Relationship

HOW TO BUILD TRUST AND REDUCE TRUST DEFICIT IN A RELATIONSHIP

RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT

Using The JOHARI WINDOW TO BUILD TRUST AND REDUCE TRUST DEFICIT IN A RELATIONSHIP

VIKRAM KARVE

From my Academic (Management Lecture) and Self Help Archives:

For many years I used to teach and lecture on the applications of the JOHARI WINDOW in various aspects of management, especially in project management and all facets of relationship management.

My observations for many years made me realize that one of the major problems in relationships, both personal and professional, at home and at work, is the increasing TRUST DEFICIT.

So, a few months ago I wrote an article on how to reduce TRUST DEFICIT (and build Mutual Trust) using the JOHARI WINDOW.

On the request of some of my friends I am posting the article below once again.

As always, I will appreciate your comments, views and feedback.

TRUST and RELATIONSHIPS

“Should I tell my would-be spouse everything about my past?”

“Should I share my sexual past with my soon-to-be spouse?”

“Should you tell your spouse about your ex?”

These are common questions which arise in the minds of young people and you can see so many about-to-be married youngsters asking similar questions to “agony aunts”.

Conventional wisdom says that the answer is: “Yes. It is best to be open and honest with your spouse. Be transparent and do not hide anything. There should be no secrets between husband and wife.”

But, to my surprise I have seen some “agony aunts” giving advice that being totally honest may not always be desirable and it would be wise to hide your past affairs.”

I find this quite shocking.

Trust is the bedrock of any relationship, especially a lifelong relationship like marriage – in fact, trust is the cement that bonds the marriage.

Once trust is broken, the “cement” holding together the bonds will disintegrate and the marriage will collapse like a pack of cards.

How can you build a marriage on the foundations of mistrust?

There is one more danger if you hide things and keep secrets from your spouse.

You will forever live under the fear of being found out, and the “fear of being found out”is a terrible fear which causes great internal stress which can be detrimental to your health, both physical and mental. This, in turn, will adversely affect the marital relationship.

Trust deficit has the potential to totally destroy a relationship, and even if it does not totally destroy a relationship, trust deficit will certainly inhibit the relationship from realizing its full potential.

There is a Marathi Serial currently running on Zee TV Marathi called Tu Tithe Mee which depicts the dangers of hiding your past from your spouse.

The story of Tu Tithe Mee portrays in dramatic fashion how a marriage can crumble once a husband unexpectedly finds out secrets about his wife’s past life that his wife has hidden from him – the story shows how even the smallest seed of mistrust can amplify into a demon of suspicion and create huge distrust which can shake the very foundations of marriage.

It is not only in marriage but trust is the essential ingredient in any successful relationship.

Whether that relationship is between two people, between husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, between friends, between parents and children, between relatives, between neighbours and acquaintances or within a family.

Even at the workplace, for optimal functioning, trust is a must between boss and subordinate, between peers and colleagues, in project teams, in business and partnerships, in customer relationship management (CRM), and all professional relationships.

In our daily life in Society too, whether it be in the social community, in sports teams, and at schools and colleges, between teachers and students, or a relationship in any facet of life.

At the macro level too, trust between the citizens and the government is essential for effective and efficient functioning of governance.

Trust is the cardinal element that allows the relationship to function effectively.

That is why it is sad to see “Trust Deficit” everywhere.

People do not trust each other anymore.

Yes, Humans do not implicitly trust each other now-a-days.

You can see absolute and total trust only in canine-human relationships – yes, dogs unconditionally trust their human masters and and most human beings trust their pet dogs too.

How can we reduce trust deficit?

How can we enhance mutual trust?

Well, there is a management tool called JOHARI WINDOW which can help.

HOW TO USE THE JOHARI WINDOW TO ENHANCE MUTUAL TRUST AND TO REDUCE TRUST DEFICIT

The concept of the Johari Window is relatively simple.

Assume that you are the wife (self).

There are things about yourself that you know and there are things about yourself that you don’t know.

Also, there are things about you that your husband knows and there are things about you that your husband does not know.

Now it is the same with your husband (other).

There are things about himself that he knows and there are things about himself that he does not know.

Also, there are things about him that you know and there are things about him that you don’t know.

Now put yourself in the place of Self and put your husband in the place of Other and have a look at the picture below (called Johari Window based on contraction of the names Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham who developed this tool to help people understand and improve their interpersonal relationships).

The TRUST in a relationship is directly proportional to the OPEN Area

The other areas (HIDDEN, BLIND AND UNKNOWN) are sources of TRUST DEFICIT.

Hence, in order to enhance TRUST and reduce TRUST DEFICIT all you have to do is to increase the OPEN area (also called Arena) and reduce the HIDDEN Area (also called Facade) by Disclosure (Telling) and also reduce the BLIND area (also called Blind Spot) by obtaining Feedback (Asking).

The UNKNOWN Area will also start reducing over time as the bonds of your mutual relationships become stronger and stronger and you get to know each other better and better.

TELL (disclosure) each other and ASK (feedback) each other and give yourself TIME together to reduce the hidden, blind and unknown areas respectively.

Here is how the Johari Windows will look before and after:

BEFORE

JOHARI WINDOW AT THE BEGINNING OF THE RELATIONSHIP

[Open Area or Arena Represents TRUST and the other three areas (Blind, Facade, Unknown) represent TRUST DEFICIT]

AFTER

JOHARI WINDOW AFTER YOU WORK ON THE RELATIONSHIP
[Notice how the Open Area of Arena (TRUST) has increased and the other three areas (TRUST DEFICIT) are reduced]

So now you know what you must do in order to reduce Trust Deficit in a relationship.

Whether it is a home or at work or any other relationship.

Just sit together and work on Johari Window.

Both of you must use Self Disclosure and Feedback to enhance Mutual Trust and reduce Trust Deficit and consequently improve your relationship.

After you succeed in a one-on-one (two person) situation, you can extend this technique to multiple participants too.

This works for me.

Why don’t you try out the JOHARI WINDOW and see if it works for you.

Try it out with your boss and colleagues at work. If you are in the service industry try it out with your customers, and if you are in business, try it out in your business relationships.

Try it out at home with your spouse and kids.

If you are in a relationship, try it out with your boyfriend or girlfriend while dating and courting and having a relationship.

When you make friends, remember that deep friendships based on Mutual Trust are more enduring and truly fulfilling than superficial “hail fellow well met” type of casual friendships.

Did it work?

Did the Johari Window Technique help build trust and reduce trust deficit?

What was your experience?

Dear Reader: All the Best. Do comment - I look forward to your views and feedback.

VIKRAM KARVE

Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.